


Lacrimosa

by Hieru Youko (hieru)



Category: Final Fantasy XIII
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-21
Updated: 2013-12-29
Packaged: 2017-12-09 02:19:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 59,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/768840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hieru/pseuds/Hieru%20Youko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The fairy tale marriage began to crumble by reality, and Snow escaped to Academy to seek Lightning’s help.  However, their friendship turned into something deeper, especially after Lightning suffered an unspeakable trauma.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Movement

_**Disclaimer:**_ Final Fantasy XIII and its respected characters are the property of Square Enix, Inc. This is a work of fanfiction, and no profit has or will be made off of the work. By stating this disclaimer, I refuse to be hold liable of violating copyrights. 

_**Warning(?):**_ This work features the pairing of Snow x Light, and will have adult situations in the future. The game only takes place in Final Fantasy XIII and will not consider XIII-2 at all. The story was actually conceptualized before XIII-2, but since there are elements that coincidentally collided, I just borrowed the names. ^^

* * *

_"Miracles are what we make ourselves, here and now."_

### Lacrimosa

_First Movement_  
April, 2013

[Lightning]

Sound rushed to envelop me as I gasped for breath, my hand gripped my chest tighter as I opened my eyes. Scanning the beautiful scenary of setting sun reflecting off of the giant crysal pillar, I shield my eyes with my hand with slight confusion. I stared at the magnificent structure in front of me, the memory of Fang and Vanille joining hands and falling away from us flooding my mind. I pushed down the tears I could feel coming to my eyes, narrowing them instead as I breathed the humid air of Gran Pulse.

Taking a couple of testing steps, I felt the comfortable weight of my gunblade hitting my leg gently. "...They did it. They saved the world," I whispered to myself, my chest tightened at my words, their promises still rang in my ears of seeing things through to the end with their new family. They held true to their words, but at too great a consequence.

"No," a voice rang behind me, "They gave us a new one."

I turned to look at the blonde that had been haunting me for some time now. The disturbing thoughts were thankfully oppressed when our life-threatening Focus and fiends hounded us every corner we turn. My focus momentarily distracted, I almost couldn't understand why both Snow and Sazh gasped as they stared off to the distance, their eyes widened in disbelief. I turned as Snow brushed past me, running towards the two figures walking toward us. I didn't know it was possible, but I felt both elation of seeing my sister alive and happily twirling in Snow's arms, and pain from the cruel reminder to never want someone that was not yours to begin with.

When I found myself being held tightly by the slender yet strong arms of Serah, I closed my eyes and made a silent promise to myself to always put her happiness first, and to put my own desire away.

"I swear to you, I will make her happy."

I opened my eyes, and I looked up at the man whose smile was brighter than the Pulsian sun. "I believe you," I said, and a soft chuckle was my silent promise to Serah and a goodbye to Snow. I smiled, and watched with slight amusement how Snow's eyes widened in surprise as I murmured, "Congrats."

***

"Form!" I called out, pointing my gunblade at another cadet, whose hand trembles as he lifts his weapon higher into correct position. The rows of first-year cadets continued to call out the numbers of their moves in unison, wielding and swinging their wooden swords repeatedly. Though one of the basic skills for the newest Academy cadets, I narrowed my eyes as I sensed the first-year cadets began to tire with their slower responses and lowered stances.

"Stop!" I called again, and the collective groan of relief nearly drowned out my next command. "Fall back!"

The boys and girls of varying age shuffled slowly until they lined up in perfect formation, their breaths quick and ragged. I glared at the trio standing to my far right as they tried to slouch more than others, and they begrudgingly straightened up. Their eyes focused to the front as I walked about them, examining each one and making mental notes on their capabilities and endurance for future reference. I gave a short and curt lecture on their overall performance of the day, before dismissing them from the field.

Watching my students walked off quicker than I thought they had the stamina for, I trailed behind them to my sack that rested against a bench. I sat to make a couple more notes on my tablet to ensure I got my thoughts all documented before I started the trek back to the half-completed grand building that was Academy. It had been three years since that fateful day, when Orphan's deranged conspiracy was fulfilled and Fang and Vanille sacrificed themselves for the world. Once we were reunited with Serah and Dajh, we planned the most extravagant wedding that was, as I was told by numerous people, any girl's dream wedding.

I didn't remember most of it, except I was both mentally and physically exhausted afterwards and slept for two days before I left my temporary housing. I heard Hope and Sazh did the same.

Shortly after the wedding, Serah and Snow made the announcement that they were moving back to Cocoon. Back to Bodhum. Despite my protest, Serah easily silenced my objection with a simple question:

_"Do you not want me to be happy, Claire?"_

So I watched in silent despair as Serah simply packed up their little hut, got on the hovercraft, and left with Snow. Since, we've barely heard from the happily-married couple, the last time we spoke on the phone was almost 18 months ago. I've tried calling Serah a couple of times, but she was often busy with her school work or some other stuff, but she assured me that she was happy, and Cocoon was rebuilding itself quickly despite its fall, and she was excited to be a part of the growing planet.

Eventually, I got the hint that she didn't want her life disturbed, and I stopped calling.

Thankfully, Hope had approached me shortly after Snow and Serah's departure with his and Bartholomew's idea on rebuilding and expanding the Academy into a larger entity, and they wanted some people to join to brainstorm how to make it more suitable for this world. Together with Sazh and other surviving leaders of Cocoon who decided to make Gran Pulse their home, a boarding school of both researchers and military had been formed. Orphaned children and youth from the war were our main recruits, and they could choose to join the Academy Guardian, kind of de facto army for Gran Pulse, or the Academy Scholars that focus on research. While the goal was to mold Academy into a regulatory education entity, for right now classes were mixed with different ages because of the influx of students.

Even after voicing my doubts at the meeting, I was given the role of Commander of the Academy Guardian, which I soon found to be the role of babysitter, instructor, and administrator all mixed together. Since both planets were rebuilding, some people decided to stay on Cocoon for familiarity of the place, while some decided to move to Gran Pulse, it being a new world with new opportunities, so those with experience in either education or military training were limited in the new world. The three of us ex-l'Cie were all given a role in the new Academy, with Hope being the Director and Sazh the Dean of Studies and Aviation. Who knew underneath the cocky, foolish look lay the mind of an experienced educator that understood curriculum and child development more than all of us combined?

I guess it was a blessing that I was kept busy almost daily, especially trying to keep up with the demands of Sazh on teaching and Hope on developing training programs and processes for the Academy Guardian. After a disastrous first year Academy Guardian selection that nearly got the cadets and guiding instructors killed had Hope, Sazh and I not been there, we had to rework the program completely to be more rigorous in our selection process to build a stronger military force that could withstand the fiends of Gran Pulse. I had so much to learn that was beyond my training - teaching, budgeting, process developing, etc., that any vacation I had were spent sleeping or doing chores that tend to get neglected. It was sort of embarrassing finding all the food in my fridge, what little there was, expired once after three months of trying to put together a curriculum to decide the best weapons for the cadets and mandatory courses they had to take after they completed initial training.

After making notes on the last cadet in my class, I put my tablet away and stood, stretching as I bathed in the warm, afternoon Pulsian sun. Glancing at my watch, I began to jog back to the Academy, hoping to catch a quick shower before the budget meeting two hours hence.

***

With one hand over my head and another holding my shoulder, I winced before sighing in contentment when I heard the popping sound of my sore tendons. Whoever thought putting me in a board room was a good idea must have been insane, I thought to myself idly, wondering when Hope and Bartholomew would realize that they made a grave mistake when they forced me to go to all these ridiculous meetings that were about things that I had very little patience for. Granted, Hope always had a way to divert my homicidal thoughts when they arose, changing the subject or moving the discussion along before I drew my weapon, but I doubt that things will be productive if this continues. Why Hope and Sazh found each meeting amusing I have no idea.

Rubbing my sore shoulder as I walked towards the training field, I did a quick mental checklist of what needed to be done in today's training for the high-level class. Almost to the Guardian test, these cadets had the skills of a warrior, but lacked real battle experience. My application to take them out of Academia and into the field just got approved, but they need more training before they're completely ready. I certainly did not feel like battling some random wyrm while trying to calm a bunch of scared little children, even when the youngest of the bunch was already seventeen.

Maker, I felt like an old woman.

My thought drifted as I surveyed the practice field laid out before me. My assistant had set up the obstacles and fiend-summoning gear while I sat in that stupid boardroom. I remember how Fang had laughed while Vanille chuckled when they heard me mumble the exact same thought under my breath once. The Pulsian women teased me relentlessly while I blushed and glared at them. I guess comparing myself to two women who technically lived over 200 years was a lost cause to begin with.

My fingers moved on their own, changing the app on my tablet as I looked at the latest seeker report. The seekers are a newly developed robot that Hope and his scientists created to take the place of human sentinels, so they could traverse Gran Pulse's different terrains and labyrinths, and automatically send the information to Academy's mainframe. The one I have, though, only fed the information to my personal account, since what I'm doing had little to do with Academy business.

There has got to be a way to free them, I'm sure of it.

My dark thoughts were disrupted by a succession of quick footsteps, and I looked up to see a young cadet running towards me. "Commander! Commander!"

I arched an eyebrow, my eyes first drift over her uniform to see she was a Scholar cadet, and swallowed my lecture on being calm and collected at all times. Hope had made me promise not to make his Scholar cadets into mindless drones, and I've succumbed to his incessant nagging evidently. "Yes?"

"There's someone at the gate that asked for you specifically."

I frowned slightly. So what if some stranger asked for me? Surely this cadet knew better than to bother me with something trivial.

"He said he's from Cocoon, and to tell you he's here for Serah."

My eyes widened slightly, a sense of panic arose in my chest. My battle instinct forced me to take a couple of deep breaths, and to control myself from doing anything that I would later regret. Passing by the curious cadet whose face had a faint flush that was probably not from her short jog, I gave a quick order to my approaching assistant to begin the training without me as I walked towards the gate of Academy.

Approaching the gate quickly, I gasped softly to myself when I saw the tall blonde, standing rather nervously by the entrance and playing with the bandanna in his hand. His hair was wild and untamed, something that used to be amusing to us whenever he had to take off his head covering, he seemed like a lost giant as he glanced at the cadets that milled about near him. The few curious kids squeaked and saluted as I drew near, and scampered away rapidly, leaving us with privacy.

"Snow?" I asked, my heart racing as I sensed the absence of my little sister. "What happened? Where's Serah?"

He turned to me, his smile sheepish, and for the first time in three years, I was allowed to study the man that somehow kept my heart with him as he waited by the altar to marry my sister. While he looked well, he looked pathetically uncomfortable in the last garment that I'd imagine him in - a suit and tie that made him more handsome than I could've dreamed. He waved his hand quickly, dismissing my concern as he often did, "Serah's fine. She's at home and... Well... It was the only way I knew I'd get your attention. They wouldn't let me in without stating my business and I..."

I finally felt I was able to breathe, and I could sense the return of the throbbing ache in my body, not knowing I was that tense just moments ago. My eyes softened before narrowing in confusion as I looked at the sack on the ground next to the fidgeting man, recognizing it from our l'Cie days. It was clear that there was something that was bothering Snow, and the fact that Serah wasn't here with him...

I sighed, the words of disappointment died on my lips as I studied his lowered eyes, the man sadly looked like a beaten puppy that had been kicked one too many times. "Follow me," I found myself saying, and turned to lead him into the Academy, wondering where I could find a place for him to stay. Snow trailed behind me closely, his sack bumping against his leg the only sound made between us as we travelled through the busy hallways of the dormitory wing. After a couple of turns and a short elevator ride to the top, I stood before my dorm that was a comfortable 2-bedroom, 2-bath apartment, calling Hope and Sazh to see if either of them were available so Snow could stay in their place that mirrored mine in layout. I doubt Serah would be thrilled to hear of Snow staying with me - she was visibly upset when I stayed with them the short time after the fall of Cocoon before they moved, and I had prayed she didn't sense my illicit desire for her husband, one that I had suppressed and put aside when I embraced her in my arms after the war. Reaching both voice mails, I sighed again as I put my thumb on the sensor to open the door, and guided Snow through programming his thumb print into my system. 

"Once those two come back, you can stay with them," I said as I walked into my comfortable and minimalistic apartment that featured mainly white and chrome colors. Once the door closed behind him, Snow stood in the middle of my living room, looking around curiously as he took in the sight. It seemed his interest was piqued by my choice of decoration, or lack thereof, in my space. A white sofa with matching chairs face a large television, where I often laid to watch the news, stood on a white, fluffy area rug, along with a chrome glass-top coffee table where my personal tablet and remote control was tossed carelessly. I walked over to pick up the coffee mug that I had forgotten earlier in the morning, and put it away in my moderate gourmet kitchen, which I seldom use. Why cook when there was a decent cafeteria just down the stairs?

Looking absolutely out of place and not sure what to do, Snow gingerly placed his dirty sack on the white tiled floor. "Don't worry about me, Light, I..."

"There's some coffee and snacks in the cupboards," I interrupted his apologies, placing a temporary card on the small, square dining table, "if you want food, there's a cafeteria downstairs. Ask any cadets if you're lost. You can get anything you want to eat with this card, so don't lose it." Gesturing at the remote control, I continued, "At least call her to let her know you're all right, so Serah won't worry."

He mumbled something under his breath, and nodded after I glared at him for a while. Satisfied, I pointed at the spare bedroom down the hall, always prepared in my pitiful wish that Serah and Snow would come and visit, finding the irony that only he did and would be the one christening the unused bedroom. "There's the guest bedroom. Go take a shower - you look like shit."

He chuckled at that remark, and whispered a thanks as I nodded. Once he disappeared into the guest bedroom, I hurried back to the practice field, texting both Hope and Sazh to ask them to fetch Snow once they got back.

***

It was late when I decided to head back to my apartment, my office had became my refuge to escape from the presence of a certain blonde for the entire day. I was more than happy to bury myself in work, completing numerous reports and scrutinizing over every detail until there was nothing else that could be changed. The blip on my phone notified me that my card had been used at the cafeteria twice, and that was all the reminder I needed of Snow being in my apartment for me to dive right back to work. Unfortunately, my inbox queue showed zero way too soon, but I didn't bother moving as I sat at my expansive desk, trying my very best to hold an interest in some random school reports that didn't concern me. My secretary had long left the office, and I didn't bother to get up and turn on the light, letting myself stay immersed in the comfortable darkness with the mesmerizing city light of Academia illuminating the room from the outside. For hours I tried my best to think of things that didn't concern Snow, from fiend reports to departmental budget fights to even inner-office romance between my secretary and Hope's, but soon, my mind ran out of topics to dwell on until only one thing remained.

When did I fall for Snow Villiers, the man I used to despise for his dramatic personality, his foolhardy attitude towards all things, and his boisterous charm that he used on every walking female being, so hard that I have long given up asking for my heart back?

Right, because two meddling Pulsian women insisted that I look deep into my heart when I was lost in self-loathing inner rampage of being attracted to him and hating myself for being a slut who wanted to throw herself at the man in the group for the reason that I kept wanting to reach out and touch him throughout our journey.

No offense, Sazh.

It could've been the time when he fell, jumping after Hope and getting himself hurt instead as I watched from afar, unable to do anything. Or the time at Hope's place that, after I bandaged him, he reached up to push my hair away from my eyes with a smile and a soft 'thank you' in dazed delirium, but managed to address me as opposed to Serah. Or it could simply be the time where he needed my reassurance that we would see Serah again, that all of our struggles had not been in vain, and after I made him promise to stay strong that he turned, witnessing my moment of weakness and reached out to wipe away my escaping tear without a word. Memories of him putting himself between me and menacing PSICOM machines or roaring fiends when I sustained injury, or letting me use him as a propeller as I charged towards our opponents when we fought, or catching me when I fell after losing my footing from a series of somersaults flooded behind my closed eyes, and I turned away from the light, burying my face in my hand as I tried to regain my composure. Somehow, somewhere, he became no longer the bastard fool that I loathed for taking advantage of my innocent sister, but a man who was unafraid of taking responsibility for himself and others. In brief moments within his presence, I felt I could let go of "Lightning", and become Claire again.

And what did I get in return for listening to my heart and soul? Knowing my heart was lost with no hope of retrieving.

Well, at least I know where it went. I guess I should be happy about that.

Pushing myself off the chair at last, I grabbed my phone and finally headed back to my dorm. With a harsh reminder of the clock, I was fairly certain that I would return to my comfortable, yet lonely, abode, as Snow would surely be in one of the men's apartments, probably drinking and chatting away. Maybe one of them will have an opportunity to draw out the problem that prompted Snow to come to Gran Pulse without his wife. That way, I would be sure to get an earful, without intruding on his privacy.

The beep of my apartment door console snapped me out of my reverie, and I walked into the dark apartment, flipping on the light switch on the wall next to the door instinctively. A hiss caused me momentary alarm, before I laid my eyes on a squinting Snow, who still sat on my sofa rigidly. He blinked a few times to allow his eyes to get accustomed to the sudden brightness, but, as if it were possible, he looked even worse than when he first showed up. Dressed in the same suit as before, he looked disheveled with reddened eyes, his shirt untucked and wrinkled, his tie thrown on the other side of the sofa, and his shoes pointed at two different directions on the tiled floor nearby.

"...Snow?" I asked, not noticing how soft my voice was, almost as if I was afraid of startling him.

"Hey," he said, his tone slightly apologetic. "I'm sorry, I..."

I tilted my head as he began to apologize for not leaving the apartment, and for making a mess in my living room, which, aside from the tie, looked exactly as I'd left it. Finally, I stopped him with a shake of my head as his voice trailed off. "...Why do you need to always apologize to me? You haven't done anything wrong." I asked softly, voicing my concern and confusion. It was as if every other word out of his mouth began with the phrase 'I'm sorry', and I failed to see the reason behind these incessant apologies.

His eyes widened, disbelief and surprise clearly visible, before he exhaled loudly and sank into the couch, his head tossed back to rest on the back of the couch along with his extended arms. There seemed to be a large weight suddenly lifted off of him, and he looked exhausted. After studying him for a little longer, I turned and headed into the kitchen. Setting my phone casually down on the counter, I rummaged through the cabinet and fished out the ingredients I was looking for.

The apartment was comfortably quiet, the only sound was the soft hiss of the stove as I heated the milk, and grew when I added in chocolate and sugar and began mixing slowly. Within minutes, I set a cup of hot chocolate in front of the man, who had watched me with curiosity shortly before I turned off the heat, and sat down in the chair next to him. He picked up the drink carefully, and mimicked my motion of blowing on it to cool the liquid before sipping it gingerly so as not to burn himself. The warm, rich sweetness was exactly how I remembered my mom had made it, and it took me years of trial and error before I was able to recreate her comforting drink. She passed away too soon, before we had time to bond in the kitchen. It was one of the few little things I knew how to make, and I did often when stress nearly overwhelmed me over the years.

"...thanks, Light...." he said gently, holding the warm mug in his hands. I hummed in acknowledgement, but offered nothing as a silent invitation to him to talk if he needed. We sat and enjoyed the sweet drinks, and he finished his shortly, declined my offer of a second helping, and looked down at his empty mug as he held it in his hands. I tried my best not to stare at him, hiding my studying eyes behind the steam of my drink, but I couldn't help but take in the stolen luxury of watching his angled jaw covered in newly-grown stubble, his wild mane that reminded me of a lion without the confines of his headbands, and his mesmering sapphire eyes that were hidden under his surprisingly long eyelashes. I felt my heart quicken as my eyes trailed to his thin, pink lips that pursed in restraint from his internal turmoil, and I quickly looked away before he could catch me.

How could he have such hold over me without even trying?

"I tried my best, Light, I really did..." his murmured words pulled my attention from my wandering mind back to the present, and I looked up at him inquisitively. When he didn't continue, I said the only thing that came into my mind.

"I know you did," because he always did, even when I was close to giving up. He fought the PSICOM, the Fal'cie, and the ridiculous task of defeating the Orphan and the Maker of Cocoon with only his determination and his promise to Serah. I had no doubt that, when he put his mind to it, he would really try until there was nothing else to try anymore. Though what he was referring to, I could only guess, and I hoped my guesses were incorrect.

He gave me a small, grateful smile, his eyes still focused on the drying chocolate stains inside the mug. "I don't know what else I could do to make her happy, you know? And I thought that things would bedifferent... Now that Orphan is gone, and we lost Fang and Vanille in order to save Cocoon, and so many things have happened... I don't know why it's so difficult." He paused, putting his mug down on the coffee table and stared at it while he went on.

"You know what I do in Cocoon, Light?" he continued after I shook my head, "I'm a real estate agent, believe it or not." He chuckled dryly while I raised an eyebrow in surprise. Raising his voice in a mocking falsetto, he sneered, "This is a charming three bedroom, two bath with a view of Downtown Bodhum. And if you put in an offer now we will upgrade your kitchen appliance to stainless steel!"

Real estate agent? I tried my best to picture Snow Villiers taking random strangers to an empty house, and trying to upsell a slum project as a 4-star hotel. Before I knew it, I couldn't stop myself from chuckling at the images I conjured in my mind, my body shaking as I looked away, trying in vain by pressing the back of my hand to my lips to try to cover my smile. While not exactly a laugh, it was as close to one as I've had for years, and I felt bad that it was at his expense.

"I... I'm sorry," I said between chuckles, "I didn't mean to..." Taking a deep breath, I said without conviction, "Well, it's still a good job..."

"Some job," Snow scoffed, waving his hand at me in dismissal, "It's all right, you can laugh all you want. Godot couldn't stop laughing for over 30 minutes when I told him."

Getting myself back under control, I felt the lingering of a smile on my lips as I turned back to face him. "I take it you don't like it?"

He shook his head almost vehemently. "Are you kidding? I hate it with a passion! The only good thing about the job is I get to travel all around Bodhum and other reconstructing cities, but that's it!"

I frowned, biting my lip to keep from asking the obvious question. If you hate it, why don't you get another job?

As if hearing my thoughts, Snow sighed heavily and shook his head. "It's decent money, and safe and stable... Serah didn't want me to work dangerous jobs such as monster hunting or Guardian Corp. She said she didn't want to be afraid all the time like in the past of whether or not I'll come home, so..."

"Mm," I nodded in understanding. It sounded like something Serah would say, and I guess I've put her through a long time of worry and fear with my work in the Guardian Corp. But it's disheartening to see the once bigger-than-life man now sadly defeated and exhausted from putting up with the stress of doing something he loathed.

"I just... I wanted to do something that mattered, you know? Like taking out monsters that harass remote towns! Or, or... Teach kids how to defend themselves and fight..." He paused, rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to say what was on his mind. "And... And I miss you. And the kid, and the old man, and... I don't know..." He trailed off, looking lost once again, and eventually huffed out the air he had been holding and sank back into the sofa.

I watched him for a while before commenting, "Our work isn't exactly adventurous," I said, biting my lower lip in thought. "We have grading and meetings and stuff that are very... Administrative."

"Beats lying just to get the deal done," he countered, and my eyes narrowed slightly at the thought of him being untruthful. Could that even be possible? 

He shook his head, "Not me, I just introduce the properties... There are these deal closers that do that to clients at the office, and I had to bite my tongue every time because I couldn't say anything. That's what makes this job so miserable," he tightened his fist, his knuckles white in anger. "And when the boss offered me the promotion of becoming one of the deal closers, I just... I couldn't take it anymore."

It was clear to me that Snow was at his wits' end, and really pained by what his life had become. Before I could catch myself, I asked without thinking, "Do you want to come and work for us?"

His head snapped up as he looked at me, and had I a weaker mind I would've blushed from the intensity of his gaze as he looked into my eyes. "Really?"

Having no way of taking back my words, I nodded, "There's a hand-to-hand trainer that has requested a leave of absence just a couple days ago, and I've been hesitant to grant it because I couldn't find a suitable substitute. However--"

"I'll take it!" He interrupted with a cry, jumping from his current seat to move closer to my chair in excitement. 

I looked at him with uncertainty. "It's for beginning courses though, and you'll be working with cadets for both Academy Guardians and Scholars, since it's a required course. Are you--"

"Yes! I'll take it!! Light, please, I'll do anything!" Snow grabbed my hands tightly, desperation clear in his voice. 

I looked down at my hand in his, mildly amused as I thought how small mine looked where his large hands enveloped mine. He followed my gaze as he looked down, and let go of my hand slowly, chuckling nervously as he scratched the back of his head. "Heh, sorry, Light, I didn't..."

"It's fine," I said, getting up as I escaped to the kitchen with the two empty mugs in hand. Putting them in the sink, I turned on the water for nothing else better than to let the cool, almost freezing stream calm the heat on my face down. I only hoped he didn't notice in his excitement. After I felt composed, I gestured at the remote control again.

"Call Serah and tell her you'll be here a week, and I can get a room for the two of you."

His excitement died almost instantly, and he shook his head. "It... It's fine. We had a big fight before I came... And again earlier. She didn't like it that I wanted to turn down the promotion."

"Oh," I said idly, not knowing how to respond. I should've yelled at him for not keeping his promise of making my little sister happy, but I also sensed that he wasn't completely at fault here. I didn't want to beat him down when it looked like he already did my job for me, and it broke my heart just to see him so sad and defeated.

Unable to stand the awkward silence, I turned toward the door quickly. "Still, call her and let her know. I'll go get Hope and Sazh so we can get this worked out." With that, I quickly left the room, leaving the slightly bewildered man behind. Leaning against the closed door, I bowed my head and closed my eyes, berating myself with the repeated mantra of, "Stupid, unthoughtful, selfish..." I should've forced him back home to Serah; she was only looking out for their family, and he should've been more considerate of her fear of losing him from a dangerous job. Instead, I took him away from her, even for just a week, and it was all because of my stupid desire to just be in his presence for a little bit longer. That must've been why I made the offer, nothing else. 

Hating myself, I walked toward Hope's room, promising myself in my mind to never let my guard down and my desire overpower me. He could only be my brother-in-law, and nothing more.

* * *

[Snow]

After struggling for so many years of stuck in a job - it couldn't even be called a career - the prospect of finally doing something that I've wanted to brought a large grin to my face, and I couldn't help but be grateful to Light for the suggestion. How she always knew to say the things I needed the most was beyond me.

My slightly-lifted mood plummeted again as I sighed, casting a sidelong glance at the remote control sitting on the table for her television/phone. The poor thing was nearly destroyed earlier when Serah hung up on me mid-argument, until I remembered that this was Light's home and if I hurt what's hers, the consequences would be dire. So I put it down gently and instead tore off my tie, which is now laying divided as two pieces of cloth strips on the sofa. 

Which brought me to my current predicament. I found myself asking the question I've been having in my head for the last six months - How did things ever get this way? 

Something was off since the Fall of Cocoon, and I couldn't really place it, even now. When we woke up from the crystal chassis and after the elation of seeing Serah wore off, the truth that we lost Fang and Vanille hit us pretty hard. Sazh had to put up a good front for Dajh, the little munchkin just thought he fell asleep and woke up to a completely new world. I couldn't really enjoy life as I once had, every pleasure that nature gave made me think about the two Pulsian women's sacrifice. And I could see that Light was bothered, and she couldn't process her emotions properly so she was caught between anger and depression. I became quite worried when she disappeared one day for hours without telling Serah where she had gone, and came back with a bleeding arm. Without our l'Cie powers, we no longer have the full magical power we used to have. It took Hope several hours before finally curing her completely, and I couldn't believe afterwards that I got away with yelling at her for over an hour and Light didn't deck me. When I sat down across from her, panting as I watched Hope start curing her again, exhausted from my rant on how dangerous it was for her to challenge an adanmantoise alone and how she needed to figure out why she was doing all these suicidal things in her mind, she bowed her head and whispered a single phrase that stopped me eventually.

_I'm sorry._

What troubled me then and now fully disturbs me was that Serah insisted on going through with the wedding. She said that it was something that would take our minds off of the negatives, and looked at the positives in life. And I simply couldn't watch any disappointment on her delicate little face. So I agreed, and insisted that Light help out, much to her chagrin. Light was all smiles and patient in front of Serah, but the minute my bride-to-be walked out of the room she took her frustration out on me, glaring and hissing at me for every choice I asked her about. It was quite amusing to watch her enjoy the chocolate cake so immensely, her eyes closing as she savored the dense chocolate ganache, sucking on her fork a little way too long. But when I asked her about any fetish for chocolate or forks, she pretended she didn't care for any particular flavor, and kick me under the table, hard, that I couldn't help but laughed out loud until Serah came back into the room and was puzzled and slightly annoyed when I wouldn't tell her.

We went with strawberry, by the way.

Light had a cute pout when Serah made her choice, but I was pretty sure that if I were to mention it Light would hit me so hard I'd have a black eye for months.

After Serah and I got married, Sazh, Dajh, Light and us eventually travelled to the sandy beach of New Bodhum, where Hope had run off with his dad to do something important, which later was revealed to be the planning of Academia. There weren't enough huts built on the land yet, and Light would have to wait about three weeks before she could obtain one, her being single and priorities were given to those with family or kids, so I insisted Light stay with us. That was the first disagreement that Serah and I had. I admit, I shouldn't have asked Light before talking to Serah, but I thought she would've loved the idea, especially since we got ourselves a 2-bedroom hut. Granted, it was much smaller than what Serah was used to back in Bodhum, but it was temporary housing until proper housing could be built. 

Light caught the tail-end of our fight, and scolded me for not being considerate to Serah. She moved in with Sazh that very night. 

When Serah came out with the idea of going back to Cocoon, I was against it at first. I felt we could stay in New Bodhum, build a life and perhaps help others settle into their new cities as well. There was a great need for people with fighting skills against Pulsian fiends. I felt I could make a difference in Gran Pulse, killing fiends and teaching the kids or anybody who wanted to learn how to, as well. It'd be a simple life with everyone around - N.O.R.A. gang, Sazh, Dajh, Hope....

_...and Light._

I shook my head, trying to get away from the thoughts of Light. I would be lying if I said I didn't find Lightning to be an attractive woman. She has always been beautiful and striking, yet her cold demeanor, toughness and endurance made her unapproachable for any weaker man. Yet after the fall of Cocoon, it seemed as if her shell had been shattered, even if just slightly. While still quiet and aloof, she seemed more comfortable around the ex-l'Cies, and she actually started smiling more, by Lightning standards. She no longer had the weight of the world on her shoulders, literally, and she seemed visibly relaxed. We all changed in our own way after the Fall of Cocoon and lost of our friends, and I think for Light, she no longer push people away and knew she could count on any one of us. I especially enjoyed the fond memory of Sazh taking Dajh and Light out to the beach of New Bodhum one night, and built a little campfire as he told the story of Fang and Vanille and our adventure to the kid. The little munchkin found a perfect spot in Lightning's lap, and by the time I went out to look for them since they hadn't come back to their hut late into the night, Sazh had sprawled on the ground by the fire and Dajh snuggled to Light as they were both fast asleep. The beautiful warmth and smile on Light's face was something I could never forget.

It was also after that when I stopped calling her Sis, or even Lightning, for that matter. I knew I didn't have the right or permission to call her Claire, so I settled with Light. She never said anything, so I got away with it. Of course, this was one of the very few battles I won between Serah and I. 

I really didn't want to blame Serah for the troubles we've had for the past six months. To be honest, I felt both of us share the blame for our, I hate to say it, failing marriage. We never had time to talk about our lives together, since the war began almost immediately after I proposed to Serah. And the war changed many people, and us ex-l'Cies were effected most significantly, for obvious reasons. But for Serah and Dajh, it was a blessing in disguise that they slept, frozen in time and oblivious to the changes in the world. For the year and a half that we were struggling to survive on both Cocoon and Gran Pulse had no effect on the two crystalized ex-l'Cies. 

I still loved Serah, at least I thought so, but... the spark was gone. The differences between us were magnified immensely when I grew up too fast and she not at all. The life-and-death experiences coupled with learning the truth about the world and finding ourselves fighting against manipulating hands of a deranged "God" was sure to make anyone mature and change their points of view forever. I just don't think Serah understands. She couldn't understand why I was so distressed over Fang and Vanille, or why I wanted to be something more than just a salaryman, someone that mattered and contributed to the growing worlds. Hope had asked me to join the Academy when they were short on staff, and I was more than ready to say 'yes', the prospect of building something important to the new society of Gran Pulse was so exciting that I was already planning how I would teach the kids under my tutelage. But when I went home and spoke for probably an hour of my excitement, Serah looked at me with a pout and a frown, and told me that she had already planned on going back to Cocoon once the transport between the two worlds was completed. 

After harsh words were exchanged, I eventually gave in when Serah said I was being selfish, and reminded me of my promise to always be good to her and let her crystalized tear be the last tear she'd shed. It was a low-blow, and she knew it, but she didn't seem to care. 

Life in Cocoon was painful, at least for me. Thankfully the Farron house still stood even after all the chaos, so that part was easy. However, there were many changes Serah wanted to make, and that meant money became an issue. If I could work as a monster hunter, I could make the money we'd need to support her ideal lifestyle much easier. However, Serah didn't like the fact that I would be away from home for a prolonged period of time, and I could understand how she feared the inherent danger of the job. But her wishlist cost a lot of money, especially when there weren't a lot of people remaining in Cocoon anymore, most leaving for the new world and the promise it had. It was as if the minute anything crossed the border of the planets, its price hiked three times just for fun. 

What really stressed me out the most was the fact that we seldom had the opportunity to talk to our friends. We rarely called to talk to anyone, Serah preferred to spend most of the time at home and in bed. While I definitely enjoyed it at first, I became increasingly annoyed. Whenever I tried to call Hope or Sazh I would get the pout and tearful treatment, and if Light would call to check up on us Serah would never let me talk to her, disconnecting always too soon. That I found disturbing. Shouldn't sisters sit and chat for hours on end until the husband pulls the phone line? 

I sighed as I raked my hand through my messy hair, my eyes casting a sideways glance at the remote control again. My mind couldn't help but drift back to the fight that made me do the one thing that I'd never thought I would - flee from my own home. When I got home from work late this afternoon, I was angry. Furious. Ready to take off the head of any fiend that came across me. In fact, I was almost sure I had. I needed to sit down and talk to Serah - ask her to forgive me for not keeping this job that was slowly driving me insane. And tell her that I've talked to Korg's monster hunting team, one of the most prominent teams in Cocoon, that had asked me to join them many times in the past several years, and that I finally agreed when he called again this afternoon after I left the office. But when I opened the door, it took me nearly two hours before I was able to get a word in, since I had to first admire the new dresses and shoes and household items that Serah had bought in the morning, then entertain her on the idea of changing the kitchen cabinets. When I finally was able to tell her my decision, trying my best to convince her that this would be the best for both of us, that maybe I could work more for this and next year and then we could be more set and comfortable and I'd work less after that, she wouldn't hear it. She kept on saying that I never listen to her, and that I should know she'd worry if I took a dangerous job, and asked why I always make decisions without talking to her first. 

I begged Serah to understand how miserable I was at the job, and she insinuated that I just wanted to be a 'hero' and didn't care about her whatsoever. I guess I just had enough then - there was no reasoning with her no matter how hard I tried - so I grabbed the sack I had lying in the deep end of our closet that always had some changes of clothes, some hi-potions, a week's worth of rations and a short dagger. By the time I got here and was interrogated by one of the Academy cadets, I said the only name that came to mind.

Now that I've thought about it... This was the first time in three years that I've seen Light in person. 

My fingers graced the delicate remote, the fight tonight came into my mind, and I sighed heavily. When Serah heard that I was in the Academy, she made the connection way too quickly when she recognized the apartment's style being Light's. She screamed at me for being in another woman's apartment and expecting her to understand, even when I tried to remind her that Light was her sister. Our conversation hadn't even reached the topic I really called about, to stay here in Gran Pulse for a week to work as a substitute hand-to-hand instructor, when the argument got sidetracked into how I was always flirting with any woman that came across my vision. I probably said the one thing I really shouldn't have: _"I travelled with Light for 24-hours a day for over a year and a half and it wasn't a problem, why's it a problem now? You're the one that's seeing things!"_ That was when Serah really lost it and cut off the line.

In the end, I decided to text Serah using Light's phone, not really caring how this would send Serah into another jealous rage. I trusted her completely when she hung around Maqui, the only N.O.R.A. member that remained on Cocoon with us, more than necessary. Why couldn't she trust me to be around with Light when nothing happened during our journey when she was presumably dead? 

Finished with my task, I lay down on the couch, my body sore thanks to the stress from the whole day, and closed my eyes. I pulled the throw that draped over the couch onto myself, and sighed heavily. There was something comfortable in this sparsely-decorated apartment, a calm, patient aura that mirrored its owner, and I found myself relaxing all-too-quickly. Before I drifted off to the blissful darkness, I silently prayed to the non-existing Maker out of habit, hoping that Light would take pity on me and let me stay just a little bit longer, so I could bask in this comfortable aura that a home should have a little bit longer. Maker knows I need it now.

* * *

**Author's Note:** So this will be the first hetero series fanfiction that I will be writing, and I'm loving every second of it. It helps that Light is such a lovable character as well.  >w< I am deeply in love with this pairing, and I have to warn you, I really, _**really**_ don't like Serah... See, with Rinoa from FF8 my distaste of her started after I read many fics that protrayed her with logical disdain, but with Serah I detested her the minute she showed up in the game. It was THAT bad. So you've been warned, lol.

As usualy, all constructive criticism and comments are loved and welcomed and worshipped. I just got back to writing after a long hiatus, and I'm loving every minute of it. Thank you all for reading and going on this joruney with me, and I will try my best to release the next chapter soon. Until next time!


	2. Lacrimosa - Second Movement

_**Disclaimer:**_ Final Fantasy XIII and its respected characters are the property of Square Enix, Inc. This is a work of fanfiction, and no profit has or will be made off of the work. By stating this disclaimer, I refuse to be hold liable of violating copyrights. 

_**Warning(?):**_ This work features the pairing of Snow x Light, and will have adult situations in the future. The game only takes place in Final Fantasy XIII and will not consider XIII-2 at all. The story was actually conceptualized before XIII-2, but since there are elements that coincidentally collided, I just borrowed the names. 

Comments are loved and welcomed and worshipped! ^^

* * *

_"It's easy to lose sight of things in a world as wide as this one, but if you keep going you are sure to find what you are looking for sooner or later."_

### Lacrimosa

_Second Movement_  
April 2013

[Lightning]

Feeling the sun on my skin, and the cooling wind caressing my body, I watched with mild amusement as Snow demonstrated another round of somersaults to his wide-eyed students, who clapped and cheered as the man stood up proudly. The fiend he was battling fell to the ground with a loud thud, stirring up dust that covered the young children who didn't mind one bit, and I shook my head mentally as he encouraged the boys and girls that they could, one day, be as powerful as him if they continued their practice. Whether he knew I was watching and didn't care for the fact that this group of students were simply too young for him to use the fiend generator was beyond me. 

As he dismissed the class, the group of children waved good-bye to him, and talked amongst themselves as they brushed past me, their conversation mainly involved their admiration for their new instructor for the past month. A few students saluted me as they passed the bench I sat on, and I returned the acknowledgement with a nod. Some kids hung around Snow as he made notes on his tablet, and whatever he said to them they seemed to enjoy it, since the huddle of children suddenly shrieked with laughter. I couldn't help but smile at the sight; the man's charm was irresistible by default, and he wasn't afraid to use it to his advantage. 

Shooing the last batch of kids to their next class, he grinned as he traded banter with another kid before he turned to me, and gave me a quick but bright-as-sun smile and a wink. I arched an eyebrow at him with a silent threat to make him finish his work or else, and he chuckled to himself as he returned to his tablet once again.

I studied the man in front of me, enjoying what I would consider the perfect break for me. Selphie, my secretary, kept on insisting that I needed one every day, and I couldn't think of anything but doing what I did now. The perfect weather with the warmth of the sun without scorching heat, and the chance to watch the man I love, but could never have, openly without reserve. 

I'm content with what I can get.

He looked much better than when he first showed up at the Academy. His skin tanned once again from his daily teaching under the sun, which suited him much better than the paler color a month ago. His cerulean eyes were no longer beaten down, he exuded confidence as he worked with his students, while fiery passion burned when he faced a challenge posed by his position as guest instructor. The week-long arrangement extended to what now would've been two months, and he settled into his role quite comfortably at a rapid pace. The brute had no qualm fighting for his department in any meetings he attended, and inserted himself into different activities so long as it benefited his students. It was no wonder that he quickly became one of the most popular instructors in the Academy.

Finishing his notes, he strode over to me and plumped himself down on the bench next to me. He picked up the water bottle he had left on the bench, and gulped down several mouthfuls before he turned to look at me.

"So, how did I do, Commander?" he asked, his tone light and teasing, and I couldn't help but smile back ever so slightly. How could anyone resist his natural charm? 

It was easy for me to say what came into my mind without any worry of misconception. For the past ten years since I joined the Guardian Corp, every day was like walking on the edge of a very fragile cliff. Even one slip could've landed me somewhere dark and destructive. It was much easier for me to simply keep my thoughts to myself and turn into a fighting machine; the Corps preferred it that way. As the 'Commander' of Academy Guardians, I was placed on a pedestal that I wasn't ready for, and I tried my best to meet all expectations the job came with. It wasn't easy, but if it would help Gran Pulse move into a positive way, I didn't mind the stress... too much, I think.

I tilted my head and studied Snow, "...Your form has improved."

His eyes brightened as his smile widened, "You noticed?! Awesome!" He pumped his fist in the air in victory, and he jumped up, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he punched the air in a fighting stance. "I learned a lot from Zell! I always thought fighting was the same regardless, but damn you Guardian Corp really know something!"

Shaking my head with a scoff, I remembered one of the first conversations, though more like verbal fighting, between us after we embarked on the journey to save Serah. I remembered him denigrating Guardian Corps and PSICOM, claiming that the reason he never joined was because military types were all talk and no action, and they fought like, as the word he used, pussies. He felt the training was useless and his rogue-style, learned-in-the-streets was more functional and practical, and those military types could just "kiss his ass". I believe I punched him in the guts, doubling him over in pain as we continued on, Fang finding the entire situation hilarious while Vanille and Hope checked on him. Needless to say, he never made the mistake of badmouthing the military ever again.

Snow proceeded to show me several moves that Zell had corrected for him, and spoke in excitement of the differences he noticed when he fought in his last mission. Zell Dincht was one of the Guardian Corp captains from another sector that survived the Fall, and Hope recruited him two years ago to serve as the hand-to-hand instructor. The tattooed man refused at first, the bitterness of the ex-l'Cie killing and maiming both PSICOM and Guardian Corp still fresh in his mind, but eventually he was convinced after the release of Cocoon Falcie's intention and conspiracies that Cid had planned before he was completely taken over by the demi-God. Even those of us who were involved in bringing down Orphan and Barthandelus were shocked at some of the information that the man had collected, and how long the Falcies had planned for the war. According to the report released, there were many Ragnoraks scattered and sealed away on both Pulse and Cocoon, waiting for whichever deity that placed them there to wake them. For centuries, there were incidents of l'Cies and potential Ragnoraks who were set on the journey to destroy Falcies, but they were either killed or their time ran out before they completed their Focus. We just happened to be the only group of l'Cies that were successful in accompanying the Ragnorak to Orphan, it seemed.

Snow's loud and excited babbling drew me out of my thoughts, and I nodded absent-mindedly to let him know that I was still listening. It seemed to satisfy him as he went on about some fighting strategies that he and Zell had been discussing lately. Unbuckling my gunblade as I watched Snow doing another set of punches that were supposedly a combination between formal and field training, I felt a predatory smirk widen my lips as I tightened my fists. Noticing an opening of weakness, I dashed forward from my seat, and swung my right foot in a low arc, aiming for his stomach. He noticed a second too late, and flew backwards with a yelp, steadying himself quickly and grimacing. "Hey! What the hell, Light?!"

"Let's see how good you've become, Hero," I challenged, my fighting stance ready. 

He widened his eyes as he recognized the proper hand-to-hand battle stance, and he grinned as he rubbed the back of his head, the annoying bandanna no longer a fixture on him, his wild hair made him even more attractive and mature. "Well, well. Standard training for all Corp members, huh?" he asked, not expecting an answer. His eyes narrow at me, watching my every move so he wouldn't be caught by surprise again, and his smile turned ferocious as well. "All right, whoever wins the most out of three points gets to order the other one around."

I retorted, "Prepare to lose, then," before I charged him again. Stopping shortly before him, I jumped to his eye-level as I strike, aiming for his cheek, but he quickly dodged. Taking my wrist that I was unable to retract from the momentum, his other hand clenched my shoulder, and within seconds the world toppled over for me as he threw me over his shoulder and slammed me onto the grassy ground, knocking the wind out of me. I guess I did underestimate him a little. The man was a skilled fighter and sentinel to begin with, but his lack of training prevented him from being useful in complex fighting situations with other experienced martial artists. With proper training from Zell, his impressive improvements caught me off guard and was a pleasant surprise. 

He grinned down at me victoriously, "Who knows, you just might lose this battle, Commander." I found myself smiling back, my legs curled under him, and before he could block, both soles of my feet connected with his toned abdomen, sending him backwards yet again as I flipped away, jumping to my feet. Before he could straighten himself from what obviously was a painful attack, I used his crouching stance to my advantage and sent him to the ground on his belly by driving my elbow into the small of his back. He 'oofed' out loud as I jumped back from him, resuming a ready stance as I watched him carefully.

"One-one," I said, flexing my fists, my fingers itched with the need of my trusted weapon, but I was determined to beat the man at his game. Snow got up from the ground slowly, almost casually, as he rubbed his back with one hand and his abdomen another.

"Ouch. You don't hold back, do ya?" he complained lightly, but the light in his eyes told me he was definitely excited with the spar. He readied himself into his own fighting stance, and charged me after looking me over for weaknesses. I blocked his string of punches with both of my arms shielded in front of my head, wincing at his strength, and before he could ready himself for another round of assault, I shook out my arms and began attacking him. He dodged my kicks quickly and blocked my fists with ease, and it was nice to see his sentinel skills hadn't softened from years of being a real-estate agent. Once I stopped my attacks, he immediately retaliated, and we sparred in a dance around the field, not noticing several students walking to and from class had stopped to watch with amazement. 

Losing track of how long our spar continued, I knew I had drawn too close the minute he put me into a choke hold, his other arm at my waist as he used his sheer strength to send me crashing to the ground again. One massive leg pressing both of mine down, he grinned down at me a little too smugly as he declared, "Two! I win!" before releasing me and standing up. 

I coughed from the attack, mildly missing the feel of his heat and weight on top of me, before I took his offered hand and stood, brushing grass and dirt off of my clothes. That was when I heard the applause from gathered cadets, and he bowed theatrically with my hand still in his. Pulling away quickly, I resisted the urge to roll my eyes as he apologized to Zell for taking the field time from his class, and walked towards the bench where our tablets and my Lion Heart rested. He joined me shortly as Zell began to set up his class, the shorter ex-soldier gave me a nod as his more advanced cadets began warming up, and started gathering his stuff into his sack. 

"So, what's this I heard about you giving three idiot cadets who missed their last advancement exam a make-up?" he asked, and I couldn't help but groan inwardly. I cast a glance at the instructor barking orders at his cadets for his big mouth, and nodded to Snow.

"There's a new entrance found in Mah'habara Tunnels," I said, picking up my tablet and turning on the app of my seekers. "It seemed ancient enough so I'd like to see if there's some records about freeing Ragnoraks."

"Hmm," he hummed, studying the map and findings on my tablet's screen. I shared with him my determination of finding a way to free Fang and Vnille when he looked over my shoulder at my tablet screen once, and he volunteered himself in the search immediately. While I didn't need any help, I didn't mind the chance of spending some time with him, since as a Commander and an instructor we have little interaction outside of staff meetings. "Can I come with?"

I looked up at him in confusion, and he grinned, "Well, you could go and evaluate those forgetful idiots, and I can go take a look at the cavern in question. That'll save time and, if there's any trouble, you and I can take the fiends and give those boys something to learn about. 'Sides," he shrugged, "I've never seen an advancement exam before."

I nodded, his reasoning was practical but cocky, just like his personality. I just have to make sure he brings back everything that looked remotely suspicious - he always boasted about his sheer strength, didn't he? He could carry some extra stuff.

By the time I finished strapping my gunblade to my back, I almost got knocked off my feet because he draped an arm around my shoulders while reaching around me to grab his tablet.

"Come on," he smirked, pulling me toward the direction of the campus. "As a loser, you get to make me that chocolate coffee thing with milk foam that you made last time."

"...It's called mocha cappuccino, you idiot."

* * *

[Snow]

"...Five times three is fifteen, five times four is twenty..." I sat at the dinner table along with Dajh and Light, waiting idly for Sazh to finish cooking dinner and Hope to arrive back from his meeting with the new government. Neo-Sanctum, they called themselves. Why they still want to associate themselves with Sanctum was beyond me, but Hope said they're cool so I'm just going to have to trust the kid. Light sat next to Dajh, watching the kid counting his fingers and reciting the multiplication table for a math problem he was working on for homework. The kid is adorable, for sure.

"Done!" cried Dajh, and he proudly pushed his work towards Light, who exhibited patience that I never thought possible. She studied the question with an equal amount of seriousness as she would a field report, but her eyes were warm and gentle. Pushing the kid's tablet back to him, she asked softly, "Are you sure? Do you want to look at it again?"

"Yeah....?" Dajh whined, though he started to doubt himself as he stared at the equation once again, falling silent as he tried to figure out just what might have been wrong that his 'Auntie Lightning' found that he didn't. 

Light waited for a good five minutes to allow Dajh the time he needed to try to figure out the problem himself, before she gently prodded, "What was the order of calculation again?" she asked, leading the boy with a soft, "Please...."

"...Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally!" Dajh chirped happily, the kid pumping his chest proudly. 

Light nodded with a small, but visible smile, and she nodded at his tablet once more. "All right, look at your problem again."

The kid followed her suggestion, and within minutes he began scribbling on the tablet with his stylus. "Thirteen! The answer was thirteen!"

"Good work," with a gentle pat on his head, I could see how the little boy was absolutely enamored with the Commander that so many had feared. I wondered as I watched Light encourage Dajh to try on a more difficult question what it would feel like if I had had a mother like her. Maybe I wouldn't have been such a great fighter, but maybe I wouldn't have been lonely all the time. Despite what I had hoped, being with Serah for the past three years at Cocoon didn't erase that feeling of loneliness inside me. I knew I always wanted a large family, with my friends and family and kids all around me. I knew most of us NORA members felt the same way; I guess us orphans all share the same dreams. I wanted to have everyone live close to me, so we can hang out and drink beer or spar or do something fun together every weekend, instead of seeing them maybe once or twice a year, if that. Before I came to Gran Pulse, I saw Gadot, Yuj and Lebreau maybe less than half a dozen times in three years, and never saw Sazh, Hope and Light in person. It was disheartening and disappointing, despite Serah's best attempts in decorating holidays. 

My thoughts inevitably wandered to kids. Personally, I'd like to see two or three little Villiers running around, though it'd definitely be up to Serah, since she would have to carry the children and I heard that's a difficult task. My mood darkened when I remembered finding Serah's birth control pills. Not that she didn't have the right to choose when she would want to get pregnant, but I wouldn't have been so distressed if she would've just talked to me. Instead, i had to find out when I was cleaning our bathroom one day and found her prescription. Concerned about my wife's health, I called the doctor listed on the label. Imagine my surprise when I was told what those pills were about. But when I confronted Serah, she became extremely upset, saying that I wasn't thinking about her and her desire of just being the two of us, and asked if I only wanted to marry her so I could have kids. 

I was livid, of course, but when she wouldn't talk to me and whenever she looked at me she had that accusing look in her eyes, I gave in and apologized for something that I never did or even thought of. A man eventually gets used to apologizing for things he didn't do, I guess, though it was a really taxing thing to do continuously.

I turned my eyes on Light again, who quietly spoke to Dajh, pointing out mistakes and giving him pointers on how to improve, and I felt myself sigh mentally. Without the stress of the Focus looming over us, the past two months spent close to my ex-l'Cie friends gave me the chance to learn about them more, especially Light. While whenever we were together, it was always in the accompaniment of other people, I felt I learned something about the soldier girl every time. She had a motherly side that I never knew about, even though she cared for Hope and may have contributed to his growth into an important man today. I always thought she would be cold-hearted and rather strangle a crying child than to console him, but then again, my understanding of Light beyond her as a traveling and fighting companion was all secondhand information from my wife in the past, so this new revelation was surprising and... attractive.

Slapping myself on the head once again, I steered myself away from the thoughts of Light being anything more than Serah's sister, even though I couldn't even call her my 'sister-in-law' anymore in my mind. Watching her like this, dressed casually in a comfortable T-shirt one size too big that had "The Academy" text across her chest, her pink sports bra strap could be seen beneath, I couldn't help but admire her natural beauty as her hair draped over her left shoulder. She sat properly with her back straight, her fitted jeans covered those fine, toned legs that went on forever. Sazh and I used to admire Light from behind when she wasn't looking, that was, until Fang noticed it and beat us senseless. I wondered if Hope and Vanille knew why we had black eyes out of nowhere when they cured the two of us, heh.

I knew I was on a slippery slope with my attraction towards Light, especially with the way Serah has been behaving lately; but just being here with Light has deepened my feelings for her way beyond my wildest imagination. Our spar this afternoon was so easy and carefree. I thoroughly enjoyed not having to hold back or worry that any bad move I made I might upset her. In fact, that is the feeling I always get when I'm around Light, that I am able to talk to a woman and breathe around her without worry. When had talking to Light become so much easier? She used to hate my guts and would beat me senseless for talking like an idiot. But I also knew that if I dared to say or act anything remotely against Serah that Light would have my head... literally. Hell, she'll probably chop off my head and my dick and serve them cold on a platter to Serah to appease her. The bruises that were still sore on my stomach and my back were solid proof telling me to keep everything in my mind only. 

I would rather see Light smile at me than anything else, anyway.

***

After putting the last plate Light handed me into the cupboard, the woman ordered me out of the kitchen with a look and told me to go join Hope and Sazh in the living room. Dajh was sent to take a shower and get ready for bed, and the kid seemed strangely excited about the prospect. When I prodded the boy, he just gave me a shy smile and ran off to the bathroom. I guess I didn't know kids as well as I thought I did.

Hope was finishing his conversation on the phone by the time I sat down on the couch, and Sazh unmuted the TV where the blitzball game was going on. Even just four years after the Fall of Cocoon, life began to resemble something similar to before the Fall, with entertainment such as blitzball and variety game shows on television. People seemed desperate to return to a normal life, and change Gran Pulse from its wildland atmosphere to one of civilization. Hope spoke to Sazh quickly about some meeting that required both of their and Light's attendance a couple days from now, and Sazh whined loudly about being in suits again. I laughed, completely sympathetic to the old man's predicament.

A wave of shadow moved in my peripheral vision, and Light emerged from the kitchen with a tray balancing two beers, juice, coffee, and pretzels. She set the tray down and handed Hope his juice, while Sazh and I both grabbed the cold beers gratefully. It was almost hilarious and completely ironic to see that our boss, one of the key players in Neo-Sanctum, Director of the largest (and only) education/military base, The Academy, was not old enough to drink and must always be served with soda or juice. He glared viciously at me when I grinned at him, the joke not lost to the young man, as he thanked Light before taking the glass. Light returned with a small smile, and took a seat between the silver-haired boy and me, sipping the coffee and watching us with a relaxed expression. She looked absolutely breathtaking. 

"So what's this meeting about?" I asked, curious, the blitzball was getting boring since one side clearly dominated the other. 

"Neo-Sanctum had some thoughts about how they'd like to contract with the Academy Guardians," Hope replied, sipping his juice. He had changed into his casual clothes of tank top and shorts before coming over, and he finally looked seventeen instead of the serious, mature boss that he tried hard to be. I almost wondered why Light didn't give the kid a straw, because that would simply be too adorable.

"Then why do I have to go?!" Sazh whined, and I laughed at the man's misery. Light also found some amusement as well, and I spied her lips curled upward slightly from behind my beer bottle. It had become almost an obsession to me, stealing glances at the beautiful yet unobtainable woman as much as I could, and savor each smile, each twinkle in her eyes, and each beautiful moment into my mind and seal them away. 

Hope rolled his eyes at Sazh, and sighed exasperatedly. "You wanted more funding for more professors, didn't you? It's call bargaining, old man."

"Great, glad to see our youth today is so thoroughly corrupted by bureaucracies," Sazh grunted, and I couldn't help but burst out laughing.

Light chuckled, her eyes sparkled in joy as she watched Hope and Sazh exchanged banter that was mostly age-related, where one liked to point out he's too young to even drink or gamble or smoke and the other suggesting the man to start planning for retirement parties. The laughter and shouting paused when Dajh emerged from the hallway, steam followed the boy, now dressed in pajamas and holding his tablet in his hands. 

"Auntie Lightning?" Dajh asked, and Light rose from her seat between Hope and me, placing her coffee on the table. 

"Try to keep it down a notch," she warned us, and the bantering men nodded while I followed in confusion. She approached Dajh, and took the tablet away from him with one hand and the little boy's hand in another. The duo soon disappeared down the hallway, and I could hear the door closing gently behind them. 

"What's that about?" I asked curiously.

Sazh took a swig of his beer, finishing the bottle and put the empty container on the table. "Whenever Lightning comes over for dinner, she'd put Dajh to bed and read him some bedtime stories," the old man paused and smiled sadly, his hand stroking his wedding ring absentmindedly. "She's the closest he has to a mom right now, and he needed it, ya know?"

I was stunned by the information, and I could feel my heart melt from the thought of Light holding little Dajh in her arms and reading softly to him. It was an overwhelming transformation for the soldier that was more than happy to kick my ass using my choice of weapons during the day, to this warm and loving woman that assumed the role of a surrogate mother for the kid that lost his when he was young and never dared to breath a word, afraid to hurt his already-heartbroken father at such a young age. How could a woman be so amazing at all the roles she had to play in a day?

"So," Hope interrupted my daydreaming by placing his empty glass on the table with a thud, and reached over to turn off the television. "What's up with you and Serah?"

My heart that was previously filled with warmth from learning about Light's soft side plummeted with the question, and I sighed heavily, my head dipped in defeat. Sazh popped open another beer and handed it to me wordlessly, which I'm grateful for. I gulped down probably a third of the beer, before I shrugged and sank deeper into my seat. 

"Well, for one thing," I started after organizing my thoughts, "She's still not talking to me."

Sazh frowned, "It's been two months, man! What is wrong with you two?! This is not healthy for a relationship, ya know?!"

"Tell me about it," I said, sighing heavily. "I kept trying to call her, but..." Reaching into my pocket to fish out my phone, I dialed her number quickly, and turned on the speaker phone. The phone rang several times, before I was kicked into voice mail, again.

'Hi, this is Serah. I'm not here right now, so please leave a message!' my wife's chirpy voice came through the line clearly, but what she added to her message at the end was what really frustrated me as of late. 'And if this is Snow, unless you're ready to come home and take that promotion... don't bother leaving a message.'

The phone beeped, but I just set it on the table while the other two men gaped, each with an interesting expression on his face. Finally, the phone beeped again when the time limit of the voice mail expired, and I reached over to disconnect the call. The silence that befell the room was deafening, and I stared at the innocent-looking phone that lay on the table, feeling tired and exhausted about the situation. For the past two months, I called Serah first every day, then every other day, until I heard this new version of her voice mail. Then I stopped calling.

Light asked me a couple of times about working things out with Serah, and I begged her to not get involved. She agreed, reluctantly. 

Sazh shook his head after a while, he too was staring at my cell phone as if a fiend had just crawled out of it and bit him in the ass. I had told both Hope and Sazh about the argument and the difficulties that Serah and I had a couple days after I arrived, but not as detailed as I did when I told Light. The two men had become my little support group ever since, along with Gadot and Lebreau, now happily engaged, and Yuj. Maqui... Well, I haven't talked to the kid since I got here, so I have no idea where he stands.

"She sounded like a spoiled brat," Hope commented, his tone flat as he cast a sidelong glance at the dark hallway. "I'm no expert, but shouldn't what you want matter as well? Knowing you, I'm guessing that you'd do whatever she wanted, but there has to be a line drawn somewhere."

Sazh nodded in agreement, "Kid's right, man. You gotta work it out with her," he paused, and added, "Your position is yours when you want it, right Director?"

Hope scoffed, and nodded. I tossed the silver-haired boy a grateful smile, to which he rolled his eyes at me.

"I plan on going back to Cocoon during holiday break in a month," I said, trying to sound enthusiastic, but from both Sazh's and Hope's expressions, I guess I'm failing miserably. "That way I don't mess up the kids' schedules."

"Mm-hmm," Sazh hummed, taking another swig to empty his beer so he could get up to the kitchen to get another one. Returning to his seat, he was quiet for a while before he turned to look at me, his eyes boring into mine with the sharpness that most people tend to forget he has. "And your reasoning of leaving in a month as opposed to next week when your kids are out on field trips has nothing to do with your infatuation with Lightning?"

I choked on my beer at that blasé comment, coughing violently and spilling my drink onto my shirt. I cursed loudly, jumping up and holding my shirt as best as I could so the liquid wouldn't drip onto the sofa or floor, and ignored both Hope's and Sazh's laughter at me as I ran to the kitchen to grab a towel and dry the excess wetness. Just because I'm not at Light's home doesn't mean she won't kick my behind for dirtying Sazh's place... She's such a stickler for cleanliness.

Returning to my seat at last, I glared at the laughing duo who seemed to be enjoying my misery a little too much. I watched them with a deadly glare as they finally calmed themselves down, and shook my head. "I'm a married man, idiots," and to prove my point, I waved my hand with the wedding ring on in front of them. 

"But that didn't stop you from ogling Light whenever you can," Hope said dryly, his gaze at me had a tinge of danger that made my stomach twinge slightly in fear. 

I continued to shake my head, having been caught completely off guard with that line of questioning, and felt suddenly under interrogation of my feelings. I couldn't help but look over at the dark hallway Light had disappeared into, and wonder how I could dig myself out of this hole. Maybe I could tell them they were thinking too much, that I love Serah and Light is just my sister-in-law. 

But would I be telling the truth? Can I still proclaim my love for Serah with the same passion and gusto that I used to have when we were trekking through the harsh lands of Gran Pulse, and my belief in bringing her back from her crystalized state the only thing that drove me to complete my Focus, when Serah and I haven't spoken to each other for two months? When, as I looked at my phone, I felt so tired and exhausted that smiling became a chore, and the thought of going home to Cocoon weighed on me as if a wyrm had decided to use my chest as a resting cushion?

When, the image of Light speaking gently with Dajh and caring for him like she would her own child, was forever imprinted in my mind and stored away in a little mental treasure chest so I could review it in the future, the chest specifically created just to store the images of the older Farron sister? 

"Listen, kiddo," Sazh said, his tone deep and serious as he looked at me almost father-like. The man was in his early forties, but at some point in the journey we all started looking at him as a surrogate dad, that was, if he was being serious and not cracking jokes or talking to his baby chocobo. Then we just looked at him like a deranged old man. "It's not hard to understand why you'd have feelings for Lightning, especially after all the stuff you went through with the little sister. But you gotta realize that you need to make a decision. Either you sit down with Serah and work out all the kinks and issues, or you make a clean cut before you even let Lightning realize what you're holding inside. Otherwise," he paused, and looked at me intently, "you will lose more than you'd think possible."

I looked down at my stained shirt, fingering the the hem idly as I listened to the advice. To be honest, it wasn't anything I haven't heard before - I've told myself the same thing every day since I realized I was looking at Light differently than before. But to hear it said out loud... It somehow made it more real. More... frightening.

Hope sighed, and he reached over to Sazh's beer, only to have his hand slapped away none-too-gently. Grunting in displeasure, he turned to look at me, his deadly look softened slightly. "And Lightning... She may be a tough and hardcore fighter, but when it comes to emotions, she's naive and can be easily hurt." With that, the harsh edge returned to the boy's eyes, sharper than before, which sent a chill down my spine. "So you better not hurt her, or you won't live to regret it."

"And," Sazh started after a quick silence, "Marriage isn't about giving up what you are, man. It's about compromising and accepting each other, and working together to build a life. If you can't be happy for your life, then, you'll end up with resentment." He looked down at his wedding ring, before looking up at me again. "You better make a wise decision that you won't later regret in life."

".....Noted," I said after a long pause. The duo thankfully didn't say anything else and allowed me time to process. I looked out the window of Sazh's living room, staring at the distant city lights of Academia.

Light would be the last person that I'd ever want to hurt. Period.

* * *

With a bang of glass hitting the wood veneer bar, the noise around the patron died briefly before resuming its full power. The burly bartender watched the woman who held the glass in her small hand with deadly grip a bit warily, before approaching her with the bottle of whiskey in hand. 

"Another, young lady?" he asked testingly, as if he were ready to bolt to the other end of the bar at the first sign of trouble. This wasn't his first time bartending - in fact, he had been doing this for thirty years. He was a tough bartender at the low-end part of Eden before the Fall, and now he occupied a small, rowdy bar in the dark corner of Academia. But he knew trouble when he saw it, and the small, petite young woman sitting at his bar definitely qualified as trouble.

A big, scary, crazy trouble.

The woman nodded, and he poured the strong liquor into her glass, before skittering away to put the drink on her tab. Well, at least the girl's rich - the golden credit card did say so itself. And the high-end rental car she pulled in as well.

"...and the bitch still wanted us to make up for the fucking test, what's up with that?!" a loud, drunken curse cut through the noise, followed by a round of laughter and clinks of beer bottles and glasses. "What a stuck-up bitch."

"That whore probably just needs to get fucking laid," a second voice slurred, the crude comment earning him another round of laughter and jeers. One man got up from the table that the group corralled in and made a crude, pumping motion, jerking to the air as the others cheered and clapped.

A third voice cut in, sounding less inebriated in comparison to the others, "Yeah, but the bitch can easily cut us into pieces if we ever try." That earned him a punch in the guts, to which he 'oofed', amid more jeering and loud suggestions on how they would 'put the bitch in her place'. 

The bartender took a look at the group, then back at his point of sale systems, doing mental calculation on how much the group bought and if now would be a good time to kick the group of rowdy kids out. He might run a low-end bar, but he'd rather have paying, quiet customers than cheap kids that acquire the best real estate in his bar.

The crazy woman that he stayed away from suddenly stood up, the sound of her stool scraping the dirty concrete floor loud and obnoxious. She grabbed her drink, and hopped off her seat, walking slowly with a slight, drunken sway towards the group. The bartender almost wanted to warn her against approaching those kids, but thought better of putting himself in front of the her path. He's not suicidal, after all.

The group quieted when the woman got to their table, lusty looks and treacherous grins across their faces. She smiled coyly, brushing her hair away from her face as she leaned against the booth. 

"So... You guys need help putting a bitch in her place, huh?"

* * *

**_Author's Note:_** Wow, it has been quite a while since I was able to write two chapters in so short a time. Hehehe. This chapter is shorter than I would like, but I figure that since I anticipate next chapter will be longer I should be okay. My friend kept trying to tell me to not limit myself, but I guess it's just my personality coming through. Heh. 

Thank you to all those that have reviewed! I really enjoy reading and responding to your reviews, and please keep them coming~! 

Next chapter might take me a little longer than what I've been able to do lately, since my work will be more busy than I was this month. That, and next chapter will have more graphical details. Please make sure you **do** read the warning next time, especially if you are a FFN reader. Hehe. You've been forewarned. 

Thank you, and see you next chapter! ^^


	3. Third Movement

_**Disclaimer:**_ Final Fantasy XIII and its respected characters are the property of Square Enix, Inc. This is a work of fanfiction, and no profit has or will be made off of the work. By stating this disclaimer, I refuse to be hold liable of violating copyrights. 

_**Warning(?):**_ This work features the pairing of Snow x Lightning, and will have adult situations in the future. The game only takes place in Final Fantasy XIII and will not consider XIII-2 at all. The story was actually conceptualized before XIII-2, but since there are elements that coincidentally collided, I just borrowed the names. 

This chapter will have more rapid switches between Lightning and Snow's point of view to move the story forward. As always, comments are loved and welcomed and worshipped! ^^

* * *

_"When I couldn't see a future and I was afraid. When the future was clear and it hurt to see, I'd just close my eyes and lose myself in happier days._ "

### Lacrimosa

Hieru Youko

_Third Movement_ ** _  
_**May 2013

[Snow]

With a crisp chime, the elevator door opened to the floor of my destination. I adjusted the strap of my backpack as I exited, and strode leisurely down the pristine hallway that held two conference rooms and three large offices for the leaders of the Academy. I knocked on the one at the farthest end of the hall, and entered without being acknowledged. The usually cheerful and chirpy girl behind the reception desk looked up, and pouted at me as she stood with her hands on her hips.

"Oh, Snow! You never wait until I say come in!" Selphie cried, her upward-turned brunette hair bounced on her shoulders as she stomped her feet like a petulant child, which looked somewhat ridiculous given her neatly-pressed pantsuit that was supposed to make her look professional. 

I grinned, making a dramatic bow to Lightning's rather bubbly secretary, wondering for the millionth time just how did she become the stoic beauty's assistant of three years. "My profound apologies, m'lady," I said, and she laughed as she sat down, waving toward the sofa on the other side of the expansive front office. 

"Commander Lightning is finishing a call, so have a seat, big guy." 

I nodded, and tossed my backpack on the floor before sitting down on the sofa. It wasn't as comfortable as the one in Light's dorm, the leather more rigid and the cushion hard, and I wondered mildly if the intention was to intimidate the ones sitting as they wait for the Commander of Academy Guardians? 

As time ticked by, I couldn't help but let my mind drift. It inevitably focused on the conversation that I had last time with the other two men of our ex-l'Cie group. Light had already excused herself back to her apartment, but not before warning us not to drink too much despite it being Friday. We all dismissed her with a wave and a whine, so she couldn't help but glare at us half-heartedly before closing the front door behind her. 

Hope lingered his eyes at Light's path of retreat form long after she left, and shook his head. When I pressed, he refused to say what was on his mind at first, but my nagging eventually worked and he let out what he was thinking.

"I just feel sorry for Lightning... After all she went through, she doesn't deserve the way Serah has been treating her, leaving for Cocoon and barely calling, if at all. I think Light would want to be with her more."

"What do you mean?" I had asked.

"She only mentioned it once," Hope murmured, more to himself than to me. "She dropped out of high school to join the Guardian Corps when she was 15... After her mother died. Something about the Corps paying more for soldiers than civilian jobs, and has less requirements. She never said more than that."

All week this new information occupied my every free moment, as I berated myself for being the dunce Fang once accused me of. I was the only one with that knew the Farron sisters the longest; Serah and I dated for three months before she was crystallized. Serah had mentioned that she was raised by her older sister, and therefore it was important for us to receive her approval. Prior to that, I'd met Lightning when she was transferred to Bodhum after her promotion to Lieutenant, as a "get acquainted with the local gang leader" type of meeting. Her beauty aside, the strongest impression I had of her was her cold demeanor and no-nonsense attitude. My feeble, idiotic mind just never registered that, given her age, Light was barely a teenager when Serah and Light's parents passed away, and what strength and dedication she must have had to be so young and take on such responsibility.

And what was I doing when I was 15? Right... Running around Bodhum causing trouble and trying not to get kicked out of high school. How I graduated I have no idea, but the NORA gang all managed to finish high school before we began our "civilian patrol". That was just several years ago, but it feels like a lifetime ago. 

"Oh!" Selphie's high chirp snapped me back into the present, and I looked up as she smiled at me. "Commander's ready to see you now, Snow. So, go on in."

"Thanks, Selph," I smiled at her easily, before grabbing my backpack and heading through the heavy double door. No matter how many times I visited Light at her office, and I've had a few opportunities, it never ceased to amaze me that Light was able to make this office so instinctively hers, despite the architecture being ornate and overboard extravagant, the interior was clean, comfortable, and efficient. A large glass-top desk sat in the middle of the room, which the gorgeous woman sat behind on a white-cushioned chrome chair. Thin, silver-framed glasses sat on top of her nose, and she frowned as she studied the tablet in her hand while typing some notes on the display next to it. I crossed the pristine floor past the meeting area with four armchairs of the same design as her desk chair around a square table, and sat down on one of the two wooden chairs across from her. Light looked up at me, her lips curled ever so slightly in acknowledgment, before she returned to her reading. I set the empty, extra-large backpack down on the floor next to my chair, and studied the woman in front of me. She somehow gave off a different aura than when she did as a l'Cie. Still a strong woman, no doubt, her brows furrowed in stern concentration, tearing apart whatever she was reading mentally as she analyzed and synthesized the information. Yet, she was so much more... Feminine, even without trying. Her ponytail draped over a shoulder as usual, her bangs long enough to fall to her eyes, much to her annoyance, and she still refused to wear any make-up on her face. She looked exactly the same as three years ago, yet so much different. 

Or maybe I could just be looking at her through pink, lust-covered lenses. That too.

Pulling her keyboard closer, she quickly typed up something on her display, and I simply admired the way her slender, long fingers danced on the keyboard gracefully. I thought about how deceitful those digits looked, delicate and almost frail, hiding the damage they could cause; especially since I had been on the receiving end of her tight fists many a time, and was probably the only one that lived to tell about it. 

I snickered at the thought, and earned myself a half-hearted glare from the goddess in front of me. I smiled shamelessly in return, and she looked at me almost exasperatedly before returning to her task.

I knew I was staring, maybe even ogling, but hell, she hasn't verbally complained, so I take whatever I can get and thanked Maker for giving me these rare chances of simply enjoying her presence. I studied the glasses she wore. Thin, silver-wired, half-frame computer lenses that almost made the spectacle nonexistent, a new addition to her wardrobe, added just recently. She had complained when I went with her to the optometry office, at my insistence of course, after mentioning headaches after staring at a display all day, and refused to even consider another frame that was slightly heavier, but so much sexier and much more expensive. 

There was no way she would spend 600 gils on anything other than survival supplies and medications, she growled at the time.

"Seen enough?" she asked, a tinge of annoyance in her voice as she tapped her display a couple of times to send the stuff she was typing off. 

I grinned, giving the Commander my best, cute, innocent look (which I've been told was just the opposite) as I shrugged, "Mmm... just five more minutes."

"Mm-hmm," Light dismissed my charade by standing up, and strapped her gunblade that rested on the wooden file cabinets behind her to her waist. She brushed past me as she headed out the door, her tablet in her hand as she gave some last-minute instructions to Selphie. I followed closely behind before the swinging door could hit my face, and I waved good-bye at the bubbly secretary as she waved back, wishing us good luck on our expedition. 

Trailing behind Lightning's perky ass down the hallway, I couldn't help but notice that she was wearing her battle outfit from our l'Cie days - white sleeveless vest, auburn turtleneck, short-as-hell cargo pants that showed off her long, toned legs deliciously, and completed with her red cape and red leather sack she strapped on her hips. Even her signet of Guardian Corps was still there, which I couldn't help but jogged up so I stood next to her and tapped her shoulder plate curiously. "Still wearing that?"

She glanced at the two yellow stripes adorning her green metallic pauldron, and shrugged. "When you've spent eight years trying to accomplish something, it's not easy to let go."

"Even when PSICOM and Guardian Corps were technically working for Barthandalus?" I asked, just enjoying her voice and casual conversation. 

She thought about this for a while, and nodded, "...The Corps gave me a chance to provide for Serah, and for that I will be eternally grateful." 

I couldn't help but imagine a little Lightning, wide-eyed and innocent, with anything but stern determination as she stood among large men older than her in line for basic soldier training that most men couldn't endure, all for the low pay that was just slightly above minimum wage. It was no surprise that Light fought vehemently with Bartholomew and Hope when it came to intro-grade Academy Guardians' salary, relentless on giving them the compensation and benefits they rightfully deserve, even during tight budget times. Hope had shuddered when he retold the story, claiming that he understood what Orphan must've felt when facing the Soldier Girl's wrath. 

And to think that Light wasn't always the soldier that she was today was difficult to fathom. When we were remodeling the old Farron house, I found a picture of Ligh--- No, Claire, holding a much younger Serah, as she smiled at the camera. She was probably no more than 13, and she looked absolutely adorable with sparkling eyes and a wide smile. Both she and Serah were dolled up, with cute dresses and bows in their hair, and matching necklaces. It was difficult to look at little Claire and compare her to the woman who took the name of Lightning and saved the world. 

"It must've been hard to be in the military as there were very few girls at your age," I found myself saying.

Her eyes glazed slightly, a look I learned to signify when she started reminiscing, and I had to grab her shoulder because she nearly ran into the elevator door. She shrugged me off, and my eyes could be deceiving me, but I thought I caught a small redness across her cheeks. We were quiet as we rode down the elevator, and just as the cart slowed to a halt, she spoke softly, "...It made me a better soldier," before exiting.

I fell into pace next to her smaller strides. I dared not imagine how difficult it must have been for Light throughout those years as a greenhorn cadet. Men don't like to be challenged, and I knew that those in the military were even worse. I often overheard soldiers in Bodhum talk about girls in derogatory terms, and more than once did I and Gadot throw soldiers out of the club we hung out in angrily after they made advances toward Lebreau that were extremely inappropriate and downright disgusting. To imagine what kind of bullying a little girl like Claire got would break my heart, but it also made me respect the woman next to me even more.

We were walking out of the Academy main campus building when I finally found my voice and asked the question that had been burning in my mind for a week, "Did you ever... regret it?"

Light looked at me, her eyes widened slightly in surprise by the question. She understood what I referred to - it would've been so much easier for her to let the Children Services of Eden take her and Serah and place them in a foster home, but she refused to let anyone else take care of her little sister. She shook her head almost immediately, and it took her some time before she answered, "It made me strong enough to save Serah. How can I complain?"

And yet, all I could think of was the expensive blue Eden purse that Serah loved that first day I met her, the one that I was still saving after two years of marriage to try to buy its twin in red, that she continued to tote around daily whenever she went out of the house, and a little Claire swinging her practice gunblade in a class with leering brutes laughing at her mercilessly.

* * *

[Lightning]

I eyed the brute next to me as we walked towards the helipad on the other side of the Academy, the man awfully quiet for a change. It was somewhat surprising, the series of questions he asked since we left my office, and he had inevitably dredged up memories of the past that I would rather forget. As the only girl of my class, the teasing and sexual jests never stopped with other Guardian Corps cadets, especially when I had proved my endurance and tenacity for the job. Too many times I had to struggle and fight my way out of the congregated group who wanted to "show me what girls are good for." For too many nights I hid in the darkness of my dorm room, the door padded with extra locks to give me a sense of safety, until I was finally strong enough physically and emotionally to promise bodily injury or worse to any men that even dared to look sideways at me. 

Even though it meant to put numerous proverbial seals on my emotions until I could no longer remember or feel them anymore, it was worth the survival and my dignity. 

I sighed at the memories, and my hand couldn't help but reach behind me to thumb the handle of my trusted Omega Weapon. Picking gunblade as my choice of weapon was almost instinctive, the weapon being the hardest to master and therefore had the least amount of students in the class. The instructor didn't care if it was hard to even lift the damn thing, let alone control its many mechanics, and he expected all of his students to know the weapon inside out. Whoever thought of combining a gun and a sword together and make them work in sync must have a sick sense of humor. But, after a month of taking apart the practice blade, putting it back together, and nearly losing my finger several times, I had to admit, I enjoyed the empowerment the weapon gave me. The respect from other cadets of a gunblade wielder and the solace from the distance that people put around me was gratifying. 

The gravel crunch of the ground as opposed to smooth cement underneath my soles signalled the changing of our surroundings slightly from the quad towards the helipad, and I shook my head quickly, much to Snow's confusion, to clear away the dark thoughts of the past. It was almost too easy for me to slip into brooding over the childhood that I sacrificed, even when I knew it was all worth it when Serah smiled at me happily, it was still a constant struggle for me to remind myself that, what happened didn't matter anymore other than the fact that it made who I am today. Now that I was surrounded by people I could trust, I finally felt like I could relax and become... normal again. Besides, dwelling in the past would never yield any positive results, anyway, as I've learned in life. 

I looked on ahead to the waiting transport and Sazh not too far away, the man had mentioned earlier that he would come see us off, before I was promptly tackled by a small figure with a thick afro like his father. Dajh clung to my legs with a bear hug. The boy had a wide smile that was pure joy and excitement, and exclaimed loudly and proudly as he waved his tablet above his head, "Auntie Lightning! Auntie Lightning! Look! Look! I got a 100% on my math test!" 

I smiled, taking the tablet as I made a show of examining the test result, before returning the device back to Dajh. "Good work, Dajh. Congrats."

He grinned up to me brightly, and I found it easy to return the smile. Since we relocated to Gran Pulse, I found myself becoming more attached to Dajh, especially after Serah had asked me not to interrupt her life. Hope had commented that I've been substituting Serah with Dajh and trying to compensate for my lost years with her by spending time with him, and I couldn't find any argument against that. Fortunately, Sazh didn't mind, and thankfully, Dajh certainly enjoyed my company. 

The boy suddenly yelped in delight when Snow plucked him off of my legs by picking him up by the waist, and promptly hoisted the lad over his head so Dajh could sit on his shoulders. "All right!!" the man laughed loudly, "This calls for a celebration!! How about a ride on Uncle Snow til we reach your dad?"

"Yeah!!!" Dajh squealed happily, bouncing on Snow's broad shoulders as he gripped onto the man's wild mane like a rein. I couldn't help but chuckle at the pair's excitement over something so silly, and stopped them to take the boy's backpack off his shoulders, just so he doesn't break his Uncle Snow's back. Snow glared at me with a smile that had a hint of something else I didn't recognize, probably at my reference to him being old, but otherwise said nothing as he cheered, running as fast as he could in circles with a squealing little boy on top of his shoulders, before promptly dumping the boy into Sazh's arms, the old man complaining loudly about the tactics, not afraid to use his age as an excuse as the two 'boys' laughed.

I shook my head as I approached them casually, holding the small, chocobo backpack in my arms. The setting sun cast a glowing orange halo around the men and the transport, and I couldn't help but thank the Maker for my family, and wistfully wish that Serah was here to share this moment with me. 

* * *

[Snow]

"...Your trial will begin when we arrive at the location. While I will follow you on your trek, you should act as if you are out in the field on your own," Light cast a serious look at the three boys that sat in the small debriefing room of the transport. "Your entire behavior in the field will be graded based on the rubric you received prior. Use the time before we arrive to prepare for your mission."

I watched with interest as the boys saluted Light before she headed to where I was, a small seating area that was designated for the leaders of the squad, complete with classified communication panels and a small sofa for resting. I patted on the cushion of the sofa next to me when Light came in, and she hesitated, putting her tablet on the desk first before watching me warily.

"C'mon, I don't bite," I teased, and she rolled her eyes at me before crossing the few steps between the desk and the sofa. She sat down next to my sprawled self, and leaned back against the seat in a relaxed pose after seeing I had no intention of sitting up straight just because she was there.

"So," I started the conversation again, enjoying the feel of how close the object of my obsession was to me. "How long's the ride?"

"About an hour," Light answered, covering her lips to stifle a yawn. I raised an eyebrow curiously - it wasn't every day that I got to see the tough Commander look so tired. Light looked up at me, almost sheepishly, before she looked away, her ears gaining some color, which was just simply adorable. "I was up rechecking the rubric for this test."

"Which you probably had checked three times already, before," I grinned, and grunted when the woman delivered her elbow to my stomach none-too-gently. Rubbing the painful spot, I enjoyed knowing that Lightning no longer stays as far away from me as possible, or hated my guts so that she never talked to me. For the past months, we've become closer as friends. She treated me just as I would with Gadot. I was both grateful for the friendship she showed me and disappointed that we would never be anything more. "Why don't you get some shut-eye? I'll wake you up when we get there."

Light glared at me half-heartedly as she contemplated the thought, before she nodded and closed her eyes. I watched as she slowly relaxed even further, until her breathing slowed into a deep sleep. I moved slightly to give myself a more comfortable position to watch the sleeping soldier, and the fact that Light didn't jolt awake in alert filled my heart with warm, tingling feelings that I would savor for later. It was hard to contain my feelings for her. I felt like a teenager once again, falling in love for the first time, but that was what got me into a marriage that's on the brink of failure right now. The best thing I could do right now was keep my feelings to myself, no matter how much I wanted to tell her, to hold her in my arms and to touch her, because one wrong step would destroy everything she worked so hard for. Even if that means I would always wonder how she would feel under my fingers.

Light sighed softly as she shifted in her sleep, and whether it was a miracle of the Maker, or it was just Lady Luck taking pity on me, the transport jolted abruptly due to turbulance, causing Light to slide in her seat until her head stopped on my shoulder. It was the closest that I've ever been with her off the battlefield, since dragging her injured self away from harm so Hope or Vanille could cure her didn't really count, and I couldn't find it in me to push her away. I moved in the seat, instead, so Light could rest more comfortably. She whimpered softly at the adjustment, but thankfully did not wake up. I observed her gorgeous, porcelain face that was framed by long, unruly pink hair, her lashes fluttered as she dreamed, and her pouty lips formed a thin line that was still somewhat tight at the edges. She was always so uptight, even when she slept, and for once I would just like to see her fully relaxed, putting the weight on her shoulders down so she wouldn't have to fight anymore.

I don't know how long I was staring before I found myself pressing my lips on the top of her head, and I closed my eyes, losing myself in the fantasy that I had every right to do so, and that the woman resting against me was mine, and mine alone.

* * *

[Lightning]

Trailing behind the three cadets, I took note of their actions under strict scrutiny, especially their battlefield analytic skills, all the while ignoring a smirking Snow who walked behind me and seemed to have no qualm of reminding me of my embarrassment with his electrifying gaze. While the three boys demonstrated sufficient techniques and knowledge, they seemed somewhat distracted and nervous. Perhaps it was because they were going through the field exam themselves as opposed to with a larger group. Marking another error of taking a wrong turn and encountering a fiend that was unnecessary, I subconsciously scratch my ear, hoping the heat I still felt would cool down already. 

Berating myself for the millionth time about losing the steel grip on myself and my emotions, I told myself repeatedly that I must have been more exhausted than I realized. It all started so innocently - just a nap before we arrived, he said. I wanted to laugh at his ridiculous notion of sleeping right before a mission, even if it was an easy one, but decided to indulge him when he looked at me like that. Almost... warm, a look that I had only dared to dream about. So I agreed, and I had just wanted to close and rest my eyes for a minute. To wake up on the transport after falling so deep asleep was something that never happened before, and I was dazed and confused for probably a minute at the warmth and sense of safety that enveloped me. Until it dawned on me that the pillow under my head was actually Snow's broad shoulder, the pressure on the top of my head was his chin, and the blanket that draped on me was his trench coat. I jumped away from the precarious position unceremoniously, his coat pooled to the ground by my feet as I felt intense heat gather on my face, and for the first time in years I did the one thing I despised of doing - I fled. 

By the time I managed to will away the burning on my cheeks, I managed to convince myself that it would be best if I could pretend that nothing had happened. That the fraction of illusion where Claire was alive again and had been cared for was just another flittering dream. I was just having it in the daytime, that was all. The man took his sweet time to exit the transport, an amused smirk on his lips that just baited me to punch him. He strolled over to me, and I couldn't find it in me to tighten my fist and beat that smile off his face. Thankfully the cadets came out just as he reached me, and I was more than happy as I turned, ignoring Snow as the cadets gathered, and went over the mission with them again. For this test, since there were no Academy Scholars that needed the make-up exam, I would substitute as the scientist that they would escort to the temple ruin within Mah'habara, and guard my safety as I take samples around the site. I reminded them that Snow was here for another mission, and to treat him as if he wasn't here. While the comment was meant for the cadets to not seek the experienced Sentinel's help, it probably came out as more irritation than not, causing the man to give me another amused, knowing smile.

Why did I fall in love with this idiot again? 

Growling internally, I nearly missed the intersection where Snow would depart for the unexplored ruin, and I called out for the cadets to stop and wait. Turning to the large blonde, I pointed down the dark, untraveled tunnel to our left. "You have the map?" I asked, taking in several mind-clearing breaths before I was able to look him in the eyes. 

"Yeah, got it. You sure the bombs are okay to use in this tunnel?" He patted his backpack, which was mostly empty save for the explosives I gave him on the transport so he could make his way to the sealed temple ruin that lay beyond the path that had already been opened and may contain information on freeing our Ragnorak friends.

I nodded, "Should be. Just be careful and go easy on the bombs so you don't kill yourself in the process." I paused, and gave the man a threatening glare, one that only earned me another soft smile on his thin, luscious lips. "Bring back everything you find remotely suspicious, got it?"

He grinned, and did a mock salute to me before walking away, waving his hand as he disappeared into the darkness. I watched his disappearing form, my gaze lingering a second longer than it should, before I turned to follow the cadets down the main path of the ruin's tunnels. The Mah'habara tunnel had been explored by the Academy after the Fall of Cocoon to a certain extent, focused mainly on the path that the ex-l'Cies had travelled to build a formal road to connect the Archylte Steppe and the Sulyya Springs. Electric cables had run along the walls with lights hung to illuminate the passage, and the road had been extended wider to allow a larger traveling group and small vehicles. Fiends were still roaming around, mostly left for training purposes, but the site had been modified by Academy design so it became a good evaluation location for both Academy Scholars and Guardians. Unfortunately, it also lacked the threat we had encountered when we first took the path as l'Cies. 

The new passageway that Snow took was first opened after my seekers had found the anomaly within the cavern, and the stone and brick wall that blocked the hidden road was blasted away by the cadets of Academy Guardian that were here for their exams a couple weeks ago. What lurked behind the wall were roads uncertain, and even though I trusted Snow's ability to take care of himself, it didn't stop me from worrying for his safety. The man was reckless to begin with, and even though he claimed otherwise, his philosophy of 'charging in, guns ablazing' never changed. My only solace was the radio strapped to my waist, which I hope he would have the brain to use if he ran into any troubles.

Our path soon opened to a large, circular dome. The ruin was a temple of the Ancients, with a large statue of some sort of deity in the farthest wall, and numerous tables of worship artifacts. I stood by the entrance as the cadets cleared the room of the few low-level fiends that littered the area, scoring their battles as I waited. The three boys were decent fighters for their level, their mastery of their weapons was impressive, but their field experience was still lacking from earlier observations. It was still too early for judgment, but the three boys should be able to pass the exam at provisional status, meaning they would need some remedial courses before they could move onto the next level completely. They might not like it, but it's for their safety.

Once the area was secured, I walked into the dome and began taking pictures and samples of the temple as an Academy Scholar would. It wasn't anything complicated, but I took my time, measuring each step carefully to simulate a real scientist as Sazh had required. The old man was a stickler when it came to these assessments, drilling into our heads that they need to be as close to real-life scenarios as possible or it wouldn't count. While it made the assessment much more interesting than when I was in the Corps, it also gave me another degree of headache when designing these exams. However, since Gran Pulse was more dangerous than Cocoon by default, and Sazh had an uncanny way of nagging until he got his way, I don't mind making an effort of emulating whenever I'm asked to.

Sudden shrieks interrupted my sample collection, and I looked up just in time to see all three cadets run one after another into the opening. One of the cadets, a boy no younger than eighteen with long, greased honey-colored hair, half ran and half staggered back into the dome, screaming incoherently. Another cadet of short, military-cut black hair wasn't so balanced, and managed to run into the third cadet, tumbling and rolled until they hit a column. I didn't need to inquire why they screamed, since the dome started shaking as a loud, ominous foot stomped the ground behind them, followed by a deafening roar. 

"Fall back!" I cried, and drew out Omega Weapon in time to face a very pissed off Behemoth King. Arm extended in balance, I sped forward, swiveling my blade in time to block the swiping attack the beast swung towards the two cadets. The sound of claw against blade was screeching, sparks flew and burned my cheek. The sheer force of the beast pushed me backwards, and I dug my heels to hold my ground. The two boys whimpered, and I cast a glance at them to make sure they got to a safe place. Realizing the costly mistake a little too late, I felt the burning pain of Behemoth claw buried in my right shoulder before I was flung towards another column. I heard the sound of cracking when my back slammed against the column before I felt the sear. Sliding to the floor, I quickly transformed my gunblade into a pistol, and fired at the beast. The beast stopped its advance towards the two trembling cadets, turned around and roared at me.

I circled the growling beast, looking for an opening. The fiend sneered at me, fangs protruding from its widened mouth. Drool dripped to the floor, and it pawed the ground as it studied me. I bent my knees before rushing forward, swiping in a wide arc at its snout. The blade cuts into its nose as if cutting into metal, and the fiend roared as it lashed out. Its claw buried into my cape and my wounded shoulder, and I was thrown across the dome towards the statue. Ignoring the throb, I twisted in mid-air, landing and using the statue as leverage as I sprung forward. I sprinted towards the charging monster, and ducked low when it swatted at me. I swung my gunblade in practiced moves, slicing its right front leg until the last swing cut the paw clean off. The behemoth howled, and I backflipped out of its way as it stood up on its hind legs. Recognizing its raging state, I tighten my grip on Omega Weapon and relaxed my muscles, ready for the second round of battle. The behemoth pulled its long sword off its forehead, and roared loudly, causing the entire shrine to tremble. It swung its large blade at me angrily, and I darted out of the way, dancing from side to side as I led it in a circular chase. Several times the Behemoth stopped, its body spasming, an action often associated with its thunder magic attack. Both the fiend and I seemed confused when no magic came, but I couldn't afford being distracted anymore. When I saw the fiend's blade drawing down torward me in my peripheral vision, I seized the moment and leapt into the air. The monster struggled when its sword got stuck on the brick-tiled floor, and I ran up the wide expanse of the back of the blade. I bounced into the air and twisted my body in time to dodge the fiend's angry swipe, though it managed to hit my thigh and its face at the same time. Blood spattered onto its face and coated its claws. I straddled the behemoth's back, transforming my blade into a gun. I squeezed my calves and rode the berserk monster, it writhing back and forth to try to throw me off. Then I aimed my gun at the back of its head and emptied my entire magazine into its brain. Death was instantaneous, the monster stilled for a fraction of a second before collapsing to the ground, sending me rolling several feet away as life flittered from its body.

Panting, I walked toward the large corpse with a stagger. Clutching at my bleeding waist while ignoring my shoulder, I examined the damage that was more serious than I had imagined, and sighed mentally as I missed the thrill of the kill as a l'Cie, especially in a paradigm that worked like a charm. Fang would often assist me in keeping the fiend mid-air as I staggered it for the final kill, as Hope kept our health up while casting dispelling magic to weaken the enemy. Working flawlessly as a team, we've rarely faced any fiend that made us bat an eye. Once we got to Gran Pulse, Fang, Sazh and Snow began to congregate often to talk about different battle strategies, ranging from great, practical ideas to idiotic and insane suppositions. While never participating in the discussion, I enjoyed listening to my friends bicker and argue as they tried to find better paradigms to use, until we would find the ones that we felt most comfortable in when facing different enemies. A fiend like the Behemoth King I just killed was child's play in the past, but now it seemed more difficult than before, especially with just myself. 

"I.... Is it dead?" the youngest cadet, Tsia, I believe, asked as he approached the fallen beast gingerly.

"Yes," I said, before turning around angrily to face the three pale-faced cadets. Along with Tsia, the one that had led the behemoth to the opening, the black-haired Maik and redhead Cerdic followed close behind, each trading glances between myself, the fiend, and the blood covering me and pooling on the ground. Though slightly light-headed from the blood loss, I couldn't help but delay healing myself as I turned to the three boys who were no more than six years younger than me. I tightened my hold on my waist to stop the bleeding with little success. I asked, my voice heated and raised, "What happened?"

"I... I don't know..." Tsia stammered, taking a few steps back from my seething glare. "We... We were just looking around... an... and... Cerdic touched something on the wall... and this fiend came out of nowhere!"

"Touched something?" my eyes narrowed as I glared at the cowering boys, and I did my very best by counting to ten before I continued. "Are you idiots?! Have you forgotten your basic training, or were you just trying to be cute? What did your instructor say when exploring an unfamiliar location?!"

"....Never to touch anything without knowing what it is..." the three boys mumbled, their heads bowed in shame. They knew their mistake was fundamental and fatal, and had they come here alone they would have been that Behemoth's lunch and dinner. I glared at them until my vision started to blur, then cursed mentally as I tried to cast Cure on myself. While the low-level magic wouldn't seal the wounds, it would help stop the blood from flowing and give me enough stamina so I could use the hi-potions I have in my pouch by the altar. When no magic came, I frowned in confusion - this location had never been known for its magic-blocking attributes. Luck or not, it must've been the reason why that Behemoth King wasn't able to cast its thundaga on me earlier. 

I started walking toward the altar for my discarded pouch when a sudden blinding pain coursed through my body, and I screamed before I felt myself crumble to the floor, my body convulsing uncontrollably. Omega Weapon flew from my hand, clattering to several feet away despite my effort to hold onto it. I couldn't think, my vision was white, and the loud, buzzing sound almost deafening.

"Quick! Grab her legs and the hammer!" someone was shouting, and I felt heavy weight pressed down on my arms and wrists. I kicked against the hands grabbing my ankles, hearing a satisfying crack and my assaulter's howl. I blinked wildly to try to clear my vision, then another blinding pain of electricity coursed through my body. My ears rang with the echoes of my scream, and whatever resistance I had mustered was lost. I collapsed to the floor, and hands were on me immediately, flipping me over onto my back. I was pinned down again, weight on my knees, ankles, and wrists so I couldn't retaliate. 

"Where? Here?" another voice asked, the sound distance and almost surreal. 

"Yeah, I think that's what she said. Hurry up!" 

Before I could comprehend what the words meant, crippling pain flared from my lower legs, accompanied by a thunderous cracking sound. The weight pressed down on my wrists lifted briefly, but was immediately replaced with crushing pain that rendered my limbs immobile. My body arched in agony, but no sound came out, and I struggled to hold onto my consciousness. I was looking up at the three cadets, my vision blurred, and I was hearing sounds of something ripping. It was when the chill air touched my breasts, followed by groping hands, that I realize what was happening. 

I felt bile pooling in my throat and I tried to turn to the side, even just a little, to heave the disgust I had inside. My body refused to respond no matter how much I tried, it was as if I were exiled from my own body. Every sense was veiled, even my own emotions. I didn't understand why this was happening, or how. The hands on my body were rough and painful, squeezing, pinching, and touching everywhere, and each nauseating second made me wish either these three cadets or I had been killed by the behemoth. I continued to fight against my own body, willing this betraying shell to move. When I finally found purchase to swing my broken hand and broke someone's nose, the weights that pushed down on me all suddenly left. I shook my head to clear my vision, and saw the radio that was thrown a couple feet away. I focused my tunneled vision as I tried to move towards it, yet before I could reach it, the same paralyzing pain coursed through my body again. The radio by my fingertip was kicked away before it exploded before my eyes, the bullet hole in the center as if it was mocking my situation.

The men were on me once again, and I heard the shot shattering my remaining good shoulder blade before feeling the pain. Somehow the pain seemed dull compared to earlier, but I knew both my arms were immobile when I tried to use them again. When I tried to kick again, the weight on my thighs promptly shifted to press down on the broken calves, until I couldn't move those either. 

For the first time in my life, I was scared, and hopeless.

When I felt something penetrate me forcefully, all I could see was Snow in my eyes, before he was shattered into a thousand pieces as darkness finally took me into its embrace mercifully.

* * *

[Snow]

Adjusting the straps of my backpack, I grunt at the weight of all the artifacts that I stuffed in the poor container. The shrine was smaller than the one Light and the cadets went to, with a small statue of an unknown deity, a bookshelf filled with scrolls written in Ancient script, and an altar with ceremonial artifacts. Following orders, I took pictures of the shrine as thoroughly as possible, then managed to grab nearly everything except a couple of extremely heavy items. Glancing at my watch, I wondered if Light had finished the exam. Maybe one of her three minions will help me carry this stuff so I won't get welts on my poor shoulders before we get back.

My mind inevitably wandered to earlier, the wondrous hour when Light fell asleep against me. The feel of her weight against my body, the rise and fall of her chest, and the little sound she made when she shifted in her sleep was like a thin, silky thread, and with each second that passed it entwined around my heart until it ached in bittersweet longing. Yet, I couldn't find it in me to complain, and relished the brief moment of embracing Light in my arms when I wrapped my trenchcoat around her. The stolen kiss to her head would be something that I would relive for a very long time. I was almost afraid of myself, with my feelings for the Commander growing exponentially whenever I spend time with her. It was almost frightening, this attraction for her, especially when I am the last person that has any right to love her, other than being her brother-in-law. 

As my uplifted mood of remembering the feel of tight muscle hidden under smooth skin of the beauty turned into depression of yet another repeated reminder that I am Lightning's "brother", I was confused momentarily by the lack of people in the larger shrine where Light should be with the cadets. Surely they would wait for me and not go back to the transport yet, I hope? Placing the heavy backpack down, I scanned the dome-shaped shrine. My eyes widened at the corpse of a Behemoth King that lay across the entrance of the temple blocking the rest of the room. While the beast was native to the area, they never come into the tunnels since they couldn't move comfortably in tight quarters. It was one of the things that Light and Fang drilled into my brain - always remember the fiends native to a place so you can always be prepared. Side-stepping the beast, I was immediately on heightened alert when I saw Omega Weapon discarded on the floor. I picked up the fallen gunblade, and tighten my fist as I walked slowly towards the other corner of the shrine, being cautious of any fiends that may be lurking nearby. My mind was going crazy at possible thoughts of why Light wouldn't have her gunblade with her. Is she okay? Is she hurt? Is she facing a fal'Cie or something greater? What's going on?

I felt my breath quicken in near hysterics as I turned the corner, and stilled when I near a secluded column and heard noises that sounded like the cadets. For a moment, I couldn't understand what it was I was hearing.

"Would you hurry up?" I heard sounds of panting first, before one growled in excitement. My brows furrow in confusion.

"Man, she's tight," with that, I paled. The reality of what might be happening dawned on me before I witnessed the cruel scene in front of me. It was only a fraction of a second before I attacked the cadet closest to me, but the sight was forever burned into my mind. Once the man was pulled off of her, I could barely recognize my beautiful and vibrant Light as the battered, naked body on the floor. Blood pooled beneath her and covered her inner thighs, her legs and hands were twisted at abnormal angles, and her brilliant rose hair stained in crimson by dried blood. There was so much blood, and her face was so pale that had it not been for her wheezing, shallow breathing, I would've thought she was gone already. My ethereal warrior Goddess was defiled, by monsters that only deserve death. 

Something inside me snapped, of what I had no idea. Before I realized what was happening, my fists connected with one bastard's head and another's abdomen, sending them flying in two directions and knocking against the columns nearby. I pulled the third off of Light by his throat, the fucker kicking and gagging as he tried to pry my hand off. Annoyed, I tightened my hand, the cracking sound of the bastard's neck snapping extremely gratifying. It was an odd, surreal feeling, this burning fire of rage inside me that threatened to destroy everything in sight, very similar if not more than the time I saw Serah's crystallized form, yet everything I did was as if I was just going through motions not my own. I could almost hear the beckoning of Fal'cie in my mind, calling and murmuring the powers they could promise if I would just say yes. But Light's large, soulless eyes that stared up at the ceiling, not registering, ground the vehemence in my heart. Walking towards the son-of-a-bitch backing away from me, I couldn't hear the words out of his mouth as I put a bullet between his eyes, thinking mildly to myself that the recoil of a gunblade wasn't as bad as I had imagined. Kicking the corpse aside, I walked almost casually towards the other jerk who was also backing away from me, the stink of his wetted pants scarcely registered to my senses. 

"No! Please! D-... Don't.... Don't kill me!!" he shrieked, his high-pitched voice rang in the empty shrine. "I... I'll tell you everything!!"

"Like what?" I asked, my voice oddly not the one I'm used to. It's more... guttural. Not unlike a behemoth. Was that my voice?

"She put us to it!! She gave us everything!!" the soon-to-be-dead man rambled, his retreating form finally stopped when his back slammed against the wall. "She gave us everything! The magic neutralizer, the taser, the hammer... we just had to steal a fiend summoner... And the plan! She planned everything!!" 

I tilted my head, wondering why my vision had a red hue to it. I knew I didn't have any head wounds, and the disgusting blood hadn't splattered onto my face. "And who's 'she'?"

"I don't know!" the man gasped when I extended my foot, and ground my heel into his genitalia. He screamed in pain, cursing as he clawed at my leg, and I felt myself smiling. 

"Better talk quick," I grinned, the scent of blood making my blood boil in excitement. 

"It was some chick at the bar," when I twisted my foot for fun, he screamed before hurrying to complete his sentence, "The Scrunge! South slum of Academia! Pink hair, blue eyes, young!"

Suddenly, I forgot how to breathe. Sounds and smells rushed back to my senses, and suddenly everything felt so horrifyingly real. "No," I heard myself whimpering, my body trembling in fear as I stared at the gunblade in my hand. "No, no, no, no..." 

Somehow I held my head in my hands and covered my ears, trying to block away the voice of this piece of shit in front of me. He must have been lying, that must have been it, but why did he keep spewing descriptions that only matched the one person that I knew? And he kept talking and talking, despite my pleas of silence that went unheard, about the plan that the woman told him, of Light's tolerance to electricity that no one outside of the ex-l'Cies knew about, and that they must use extra high voltage when they incapacitate her. They knew exactly where to hit on her legs, the once-broken limbs that were patched by Vanille, but never had the chance to rest, so on colder days she would wince in pain. Things only those who lived with her after the Fall knew. Why wouldn't he shut up?!

"Please... let me go...." the scumbag begged, and I looked up from my crouched position, how I got that way I had no idea. I stood, and studied the boy who was merely a few years junior to me like an alien, those eyes, nose, and mouth couldn't form a human face to me. I heard the gunblade go off in my hand, and saw him finally stop talking, the hole in his right eye spurting out blood that splattered onto my face.

Not bothering to wipe the crimson liquid off my face, I stared at the corpse for a bit, relishing in the blessed silence before Light's wheezing breath snapped me back to reality. I whipped around, and ran to the prone body on the floor. Ripping off my trenchcoat as I knelt down next to Light, I gently picked her up in my arms. She stiffened when I first touched her body, and I froze in fear, but she shifted her lifeless eyes at me just briefly before she closed them. She breathed out shaggily before she relaxed and allowed me to wrap my arms around her. I lifted her up, tightening my hold on her battered body, and hurried out of the shrine. I stopped at the crossroad right outside of the shrine, the decision was immediate and clear to me. Taking the path opposite of where the transport was, it was mere moments before I saw daylight of the Sulyyah Springs. I found a spot near the stream that I remembered had strong, fiend-repelling magic, and nearly collapsed against the nearby wall, all the time careful to not let any sudden movement agitate Light in her blissful unconsciousness. 

I fumbled around in the pocket of my trenchcoat. Now wrapped around Light like a blanket would a child, the large outfit made her look so small and fragile. Her face that was flushed with life only hours ago now paler than my coat, I felt my broken heart ache even further. Fishing out my cell phone, I speed dialed one of the few numbers programmed to it. My eyes were glued on the fallen Goddess, monitoring her breathing and scared half to death of the blood that seeped through my coat and onto my hand. I kept redialing the number when it went into voice mail, praying to the Maker under my breath that she would just keep breathing until a very irritated Hope Estheim came on the phone.

"What?!" the boy hissed in a hushed tone, "I'm in a meeting, dammit!"

"Hope," I said, finding my voice eerily calm. "I need you, now."

"Snow?" Hope seemed stunned by my tone, and I heard him excuse himself out of whatever meeting he was in. Soon the background noise faded, and his voice returned to its normal volume. "What is it?"

"Remind me how I should do cure magic," I said, my mind surprisingly clear on what I need to do to help the woman in my arms. "And I need you to take an aerobike and come to the southern side of Sulyyah Springs, near the Mah'habara tunnel exit where we rested for two nights in the past. Bring your best med kit, as many bags of Light's blood as you can, and a portable scanning machine. Don't tell anyone."

It took nearly a minute before Hope responded to my demands, his voice had a light tremor to the edge, "Close your eyes and dig deep into your body like you would calling an Eidolon. Your powers should be there," he paused as I breathed in, my eyes closed as I followed his instructions. "Instead of attacking, think of it as a cleansing, healing energy, and send it out to Light, gently so you don't hurt her. Almost as if you're... caressing her with your mind." 

For a moment I almost couldn't control my powers, the anger, betrayal, hurt, and sadness inside nearly overwhelmed my mind as my powers flared like a volcano ready to erupt. Hope's voice was the only thing that guided me, he probably heard it in my shallow breaths that I wasn't ready to heal anyone but better off maiming, and he kept his cool, calming voice going until I finally heard Light's breath hitch, her body accepting my lifeforce into her and guiding my soul to travel through her body. It almost felt like she was clinging onto me, and for whatever it was worth, I tried to tell her that she was safe, that she would be okay, and I would be here with her, always. 

"I'll be there in 40 minutes," Hope's voice came from a distance, and I nodded, not caring if he couldn't see me. He disconnected quickly, and all I could concentrate on was transferring whatever healing power I have inside me into Light. I was never a mage, my pathetic healing powers often got laughed at in our past travels, so of course I couldn't heal any of her injuries now even as I try. My lifeforce was only enough to sustain her as she continued to bleed, but thankfully the bleeding had slackened as her own body slowly began to repair itself. Had it not been for my ex-l'Cie status, it wasn't hard to imagine that Light would soon expire due to blood loss. 

And for the first time in my life, I was thankful to Balthandalus for making me a l'Cie. 

**_\---To Be Continued_ **

* * *

**Author's Note:** This chapter is actually kind of fun to write, especially the fighting part. I learned quite a lot when doing research about writing fighting scenes, and I'm sure my attempt was amateur at best. But it was interesting to read about the _**how**_ and try it out, so for that I'm pleased. I hope you enjoyed it too and that I didn't butcher it that badly.

Thank you to all who left me reviews for the fic! I really love receiving reviews, as it gives me a chance to interact with readers and sometimes are even inspired by questions. So thank you thank you! ^^

Kind of proud that I was able to publish this chapter within May. I actually thought I wouldn't be able to until June, but it's nice to be on track. Hopefully the next chapter will be released in time as well! Until then, see you next chapter! ^___^


	4. Fourth Movement

_**Disclaimer:**_ Final Fantasy XIII and its respected characters are the property of Square Enix, Inc. This is a work of fanfiction, and no profit has or will be made off of the work. By stating this disclaimer, I refuse to be hold liable of violating copyrights. 

_**Warning(?):**_ This work features the pairing of Snow x Lightning, and will have adult situations in the future. The game only takes place in Final Fantasy XIII and will not consider XIII-2 at all. The story was actually conceptualized before XIII-2, but since there are elements that coincidentally collided, I just borrowed the names. 

As always, comments are loved and welcomed and worshipped! ^^

* * *

_"Wishes can come true, but not if you just wait for miracles. Miracles are things we make for ourselves, here and now."_

### Lacrimosa

Hieru Youko

_Fourth Movement_  
July, 2013

[Snow]

Turning off the water, I wrung the long, pink mane of excess wetness before taking a towel from the rack next to the tub to pat it dry. The bathroom was quiet with only the sound of leftover water dripping from the shower head, and the soft cotton towel brushing against the silky strands. Light's half-lidded eyes were without any shine, as they had been of late. She stared into the space before her blankly as she sat in the chair that I had dragged in from the kitchen as her make-shift resting place when I give her sponge baths. It took me three days to finally get the headrest correct so Light wouldn't feel any pain or discomfort when she leaned her head back so I could wash her hair, and I had a new appreciation of beauticians and the work they do. Feeling slight shivers from the naked girl, I apologized softly and pulled the sliding throw up to Light's chin so she wouldn't catch a cold. After placing a small kiss on her head, I resumed my task of drying her hair and noticed her closed eyes as she slipped into slumber. 

It had been three weeks since we returned from Mah'habara, and considering what happened, I have to say Hope and I did a really good job covering up the truth in a short amount of time. We faked a radio mayday with a computer-generated voice that sounded somewhat like Light, and used static to mask anything that might rouse suspicion of its authenticity. I wrote an initial investigation report that described those three bastards triggering a hidden trap within the shrine, which called forth two King Behemoths that attacked the unsuspecting cadets and Light. By the time Lightning reached the behemoths, the three cadets had been killed and mauled to pieces, and she suffered massive injuries in the subsequent fight. When I found the injured Commander, according to the "official story", several fiends had already been lunching on the corpses, and Light was spared only because of the fiend-repelling device she activated before she passed out. I had to hand it to Hope who came up with the idea. After we took care of Lightning, we worked together for over thirty-six hours straight to doctor documents, forensics, and any other relevant evidence. Hope managed to make the scene gory enough that subsequent investigators could only find pieces of flesh and signs of the tunnel dwellers having a feast on free meals of behemoth and human, if they didn't run off vomiting first. I suspected that the gruesome crime scene was Hope's way of venting his frustration and anger at the situation. 

For the first week after the incident, Hope and I had been adjusting to our switched roles, where I became the one nursing Light and dealing with paperwork while he was out in the field. It absolutely disheartened the young man whenever he tried to touch Lightning to heal her wounds as she would struggle and tremble furiously, and though no voice came out of her opened mouth, she continued to scream until he backed away from her. His eyes were desolate the first time that happened by the pond; he left the area quickly and didn't return until I calmed Light down. I didn't know how to feel about the situation - or perhaps I was too hurt to feel anything - about the fact that Lightning trusted only me to touch her. Worse yet for me to find out about this trust through such ordeals. 

_"Snow!" Hope cried when he jumped off the aerobike, then dashed through the woods and paused on approach. I turned to look at him, the young man has never appeared so horrified since witnessing Nora's death. I was both relieved that he was here, because that meant Light could finally get the treatment she needed, and disgruntled that he got here so quickly, because I didn't want anyone to see Light like that, bloodied and defeated. "Lightning...."_

_"Hurry," I growled when Hope didn't move, glaring at the Director before focusing my eyes on Light again, reprieved that she finally was able to relax, even if it meant she was completely unconscious. Hope snapped out of his shock, and hurried over to kneel next to me. His eyes scanned over Light's injuries quickly, before he reached out to the gaping wound on her side caused by the behemoth. Familiar incantation of an Esuna spell was interrupted when his palm covered the gash, and Light stiffened suddenly. Her eyes flew open in fear as she thrashed, her broken limbs limited her movement, but she managed to push Hope away. I tightened my hold on her, pressing the frightened girl to my chest as I whispered some random comforting words, while Hope sat on his ass, stunned. When tears fell from Light's large, empty eyes, her mouth moving in mute pleadings, I closed my eyes painfully, whispering directly in Light's ears that everything would be okay, that she's safe now, and that it was just me._

_Some point between promising that I would never leave her and confirming the fact that it was me that's holding her, did Hope jump up from where he sat, and dash off into the cave entrance, probably to cool off the anger I knew he must have been feeling. I could only focus on the beauty in my arms, who turned to bury her face in my shirt, shielding herself from the world. I winced when she bit through my shirt, her teeth dug into my chest as she wheezed. Pressing my hand firm on her back, I silently prayed to the Maker to let me take the hurt she must be feeling and put it on myself, if it would only make her whole again. I couldn't even begin to imagine how she might be feeling, or how traumatic the experience was for her. The only thing I knew to do was to hold her tightly, covering her and shielding her with my body, in faint hope that she would sense the love I have for her and the promise that she wouldn't be alone facing this. We stayed in that position for some time, before I moved, carefully and slowly, towards the stream. I sat down on the bank, and looked around for a while until I realized the only somewhat-clean fabrics were the clothes on my back and my trenchcoat. I took off my tank top, and ripped it into shreds, the sound causing the broken girl in my arms to jump, but thankfully didn't react any more than that. I dipped the cloth into water, and asked her softly for permission to wash her wounds so she wouldn't get infected before Hope could heal her. When Light didn't react, I took that as a 'yes' and began my task. Dabbing the dried blood by her side, I paused briefly when she hissed in pain before continuing. Once the gash was clean, I moved on to cleanse the dried blood and semen off her inner thighs, stopping when a small sob escaped from Light. I paused with my hand on Light firmly, letting her know that I didn't mean to cause her any harm. Her trembles eventually subsided, then she let out a small sigh before slumping against me. My eyes stared at the dried, pinkish semen stain down her thighs, recognizing the sign of her lost invincibility, and felt my heart constrict so harshly that it might halt in misery. When I moved again, I couldn't, or didn't want to, stop myself, and I placed a kiss on her forehead, murmuring directly into her ear._

_"Relax, Light... I'm right here, and I'm never letting you go."_

Since then, Hope has been forced to accept the fact that he must heal Light through me, and we managed to find a way where his hands wouldn't directly touch her body, but rather the magic would pass through my hand and transfer into her. It slowed the healing process, but I felt it was best for Light mentally as anyone else's touch made her tense and stressed. In addition, I couldn't bring myself to stop the intimate feeling of the curative magic. It was like an extension of my soul as it traveled into Light's body, caressing her softly, reassuringly mending her broken flesh. Thankfully, he agreed with me that Light was more receptive to the cure if it came from me, though he was none too pleased about this indulgence being stolen from him. We were both appalled by the number of injuries that Light suffered after scanning her the first time using the portable scanner, not to mention the torture she endured when we determined the burnt skin came from taser wires. Since we have returned to the Academy, Light went through two surgeries to reconstruct and set her broken and shattered bones. I got to play nurse to Hope as he gave step-by-step instructions on what I needed to do, and we managed to complete the procedures without creating more damage to Light's body. It wasn't until after Light was off the various support machines that Hope told me how reckless I was to insist that only he and I be the ones to perform the surgeries so I wouldn't be forced to kill anyone that might have a clue of what happened to Light. And in hindsight, I was gambling with Hope's intelligence and Lightning's resilience. But I stood by my conviction that it would be better for her to know that only the people closest to her knew about the attack, and the less the better. 

Wrapping her long curls with a bath towel, I pulled away the throw that covered Light's body and bundled her with a larger towel. I lifted her up easily, pushing the chair away with my foot as I walked towards the bedroom, my Goddess stirred only slightly from the movement and sadly did not open her eyes to look at me. Every day I prayed to be the day when she would snap open her large, sapphire eyes at me, and punch me for treating her like a baby. That would be one bruise I happily receive, and probably beg her for a few more just to make sure I wasn't dreaming. But as it is, she was quiet as I placed her on the bed, and pulled away the towel. For the past three weeks, Light had mostly been asleep, and when her eyes opened her vision never focused. It was as if she wasn't 'here', but rather, this was only an empty shell. I just hope she'll come back to me, soon. Dropping the towel carelessly on the floor, I retrieved some clothes for Light from her closet and dresser, and returned to the bed, where I began to dress my precious Goddess expertly. Pulling a pink-striped white panties upward, I couldn't help but find it a great irony that I had become as good at dressing a woman as undressing one. Once Light was raimented in her pajamas, I rolled the IV drip stand over and began setting it up methodically, adjusting the needle to make sure it was comfortable for her as it provides nutrients and pain medications. When all the machines and other medical stuff were connected to her, I pulled the blanket over her body before picking up the dropped towel and headed for the shower in the en suite bathroom of the spare bedroom. 

As cold water splashed down my body, I watched with an almost detached perspective at my erection as it calmed, knowing that it was a physical reaction that was only natural since I've been touching a very naked girl who just happened to have captured my heart. But my mind couldn't focus on that - not even as a fantasy - as another pink-haired girl occupied my mind lately, and not in a good way. I must have looked insane when I asked Hope to repeat his investigation to me three times, where he explained the bartender had pulled Serah out of a group of photos as the one who had a long conversation with the three fuckers a couple of nights before the advancement exam. How could the girl that I had loved for her innocence and kindness be the person who orchestrated this? Why? After everything Light did for her? I knew the resentment she had for Light - Serah was never shy about relating that to me, how she was often alone and had to deal with the loneliness because Light was always away training or working, and I thought I understood it as years of disappointment of missed dinner and school events. But to go so far as to plan for Light's... attack... It was unfathomable and unforgivable. 

I know that I was rude and offensive when I threw Hope out of Light's dorm after his words finally registered, and thankfully he didn't hold a grudge. I have vague idea of what happened the rest of the day, but when I finally came to my senses, I immediately ordered a brand new set of china to replace what I had destroyed. It did take me longer to find an exact replica of the coffee mug that Light favored, but it was worth it if it meant one less life on my conscience. 

Pulling down a random T-shirt, I returned to Light's bedside, setting a mug of coffee and a sandwich by her nightstand. Taking a look at the prone girl, I walked to the bathroom to wash and disinfect my hands, and took the med kit from the closet. I sat down on the chair that had been my home the last three weeks. I applied elixir gel on the wounds, then began wrapping the bandages on Light's wrists and thighs. When my task was done, my hand lingered as I took one of Light's, marveling at how small it looked in mine. Resting my forehead against her knuckles, I asked the question that had been plaguing me as if I was expecting my Goddess to answer. _What am I going to do now?_

Well, one thing I knew for sure was that I was definitely leaving Serah. In fact, I would have killed her already if she wasn't Light's sister, which was what made this so difficult. Hope and I reached a consensus very early that Light was to never know about the truth - we both doubt she could handle it. Not that we distrust her strength, but we would rather not risk an explosive reaction if she found out about Serah. But that made it difficult for me to give a good reason to leave Serah, especially since both Farron sisters were still holding me to the promise to let the crystal tear be Serah's last under my watch. I kissed the long, slender digits in my hand, sighing when they didn't move. Besides, how would one go about getting a divorce? How could I tell Serah calmly when even the thought of her made me want to kill? When she probably wouldn't want one and would see it as an embarrassment to her, as she had commented to me about one of her friends who was a divorcee? 

Reaching my hand out, I placed my palm on Light's cheek, thumbing her forehead which I have developed the habit of kissing daily as I watch her sleep. My fingers outlined her face, and eventually rested on her lips, now paler than their past color, and imagined how they would feel if I kiss them. I knew so long as I continue to be her brother-in-law, even when I have made a decision that I would no longer be in Serah's life, I had no right to express my love for Light. It would not only be disrespectful towards Light, but also towards my love for her. I wanted, even if just for my own mentality, to prove to myself that my love for Light wasn't just a sexual attraction and obsession of one that I couldn't have, but something real. If I touched her any more than what I have been now, I would not only be defiling her, but tainting my love as well. It might not be logical, but when that thought entered my mind, it stuck and never let go, even when at times all I really wanted to do was press my lips to hers, if just to feel her heat intimately. 

If only just to feel her life pulsing to chase away the image of her prone, wheezing body on the ground, covered in pinkish semen and blood.

* * *

[Lightning]

Floating in the middle of darkness, I sighed in contentment for what seemed like the first time in eternity, grateful that I was no longer feeling nor hearing anymore. It was a comfortable place to be, almost as if I was in the middle of a deep, unmoving ocean, the buoyancy supported my limbs mid-air as I curled up tighter to myself. The silence and numbness were blissful, the grunts and derogatory words no longer surround me. I held my knees closer to my chest, resting my chin on top of them as I let go of the feeling of being me. Being 'Lightning'. It felt good for once to admit that I was weak, that it was okay for me to hide from the world, and not worry about the responsibilities and expectations that were placed onto my back whether I wanted them or not. No more being a protector, or a soldier, or anything that asked me to give of myself beyond what I was capable of just to fulfill an unknown cause. I just wanted peace and quiet as I rested, for eternity if possible.

I must have been in this state for some time, so long that I was beginning to let go of myself, as if someone had opened my mind and began to let out my memories. I didn't care, really, as I felt pieces of me begin to fade, when light suddenly shined into the ocean of darkness, as if someone opened a curtain and let in the sun. I buried my face deeper into my lap, annoyed at the stinging rays that threatened to take me from the blissful shadows. A hand was suddenly on me, gripping my arm none-too-gently, and I felt I was pulled upwards toward the light. I struggled against the hand, wanting nothing but to return to where I had been, but it was relentless as it continued to pull, soon joined by another smaller, less muscular one that wrapped around my shoulder. I should have felt scared, panicked about the nightmares returning, but somehow while the hands were persistent, I only felt annoyed at my disrupted rest and wanted to swat them away. Which I did, hitting and batting the hands, particularly the one on my arm, kicking aimlessly. I heard a strange, whimpering sound, almost like whining that was suspiciously similar to mine. How could it be? I hadn't whined since my father passed away. It must have been the meddlers' fault, so I expressed my displeasure by trying to bite the hand that was holding me close to a soft warmth.

"Whoa, there, Sunshine," a familiar accented voice said, hint of humor clear in her voice as she pushed my fighting hands away, patting my head placatingly. "Easy, now."

I stopped mid-swing, my eyes opening a sliver, and the sight of blue and white sari came into full view. I felt the hand on my head stroking my hair gently as I rested against the woman's chest, and heard another familiar voice giggling softly. Relaxing almost instantaneously, I closed my eyes again as I settled against the woman's bosom, feeling the rumbling of her low chuckles at my tactics. The other girl gently brushed my hair away from my face, making me wince as the light become bright again, before asking softly if we were ready. I shield my vision turning towards the sari and shut my eyes tightly, wondering what the younger girl meant. Ready? Ready for what?

"You just rest, Sunshine," the older woman said softly, "We'll be here when you wake up."

***  


When I opened my eyes again, I wasn't sure if I was hallucinating, or I had officially lost my mind. The setting sun shone into my eyes, making me squint as I studied the field before me. The hill descended until it reached the horizon, and as wide as eyes could see. The entire field was covered in flowers of different kinds, blooming happily and creating the most magnificent view that dwarfed any gardens in both Cocoon and Pulse combined. There were individual fruit trees scattered to provide shade in various places, and the air was permeated with their delicate fragrance. The temperature was comfortable - not warm, but not chilling either. Soft wind caressed the plants and my body, gentle like a mother fanning her children lovingly to keep them cozy. Noticing movement from the corner of my eye, I turned to look at various small, furry animals that must have curled up with me stirring from their slumber. A small, white kitten took several steps away from the 'camp', still half-asleep, as it tripped on its foreleg and fell to the ground. I chuckled softly, helping the very confused kitten up so it could continue to head to its destination. 

If there was a heaven, this place would be the definition of it.

The scenery and the accompaniment of animals had a calming effect on me, soothing the once boiling turmoil that threatened to rear its ugly head in my psyche. I sat among the sleeping animals, watching the sun slowly set down the horizon, until the largest moon I've ever seen slowly rose from behind the mountain, casting its silver light across the field. I gazed as the flowers danced in the gentle breezes, petals of different colors reflecting the light in lustrous illumination. I was no artist, but this was the most mesmerizing scene I've ever seen in my life. 

"Like what you see?" I looked up as the dark-haired woman sat down next to me, shooing away some of the reluctant animals. I studied her features that were the same as the day we parted - unruly black hair framing thin, flawless face, her eyes forever twinkling in amusement, and a perpetual smirk completed her image. Even the black tank top and the blue-white sari remained the same; disguising the muscular, agile body underneath. It felt good to see her again.

"Fang..." I acknowledged softly, before turning my eyes on the scene ahead once more. "It's beautiful."

"It should be, seeing as Vanille spent a lot of time working on it," the lancer said with a grin.

I watched as a small brown bunny poked its ears upward among some yellow and lavender-colored flowers of Cocoon, as if listening for any objections from the humans, before it hopped over and nestled against my foot. Bending over slightly, I pulled my knees to my chest as I brushed my fingers through the soft fur of the rabbit, petting its head as it squinted happily. 

"Where are we?" I asked after some silence, neither one of us felt the need to speak in this tranquil field. My voice sounded almost booming in the quietness of the night. 

Fang shrugged, shooing away another puppy that tried to capture her attention. "Inside the crystal chassis."

Information that should have caused me to panic only gained a nod, "Then... I'm dead?" The thought was both bittersweet and relieving.

Fang frowned as she turned to study me, my voice had probably betrayed the welcome thoughts of my demise. I ignored the elder Pulsian, focusing my attention on the bunny by my foot that snuggled to my palm, enjoying the petting. Feeling the sharp sting of an examining gaze, I focused my eyes on the rabbit until its friend came snuffling nearby, and the two animals ran off deeper into the flower fields in a game of late night chase. My fingers felt momentarily cold, I rubbed my thumb and index finger in an attempt to recapture the warmth before I wrapped my arm around my knees once more. 

"They'll be heartbroken if you were," retorted the Pulsian woman, her voice holding a tinge of displeasure. I eyed the woman with a sidelong glance, noting her relaxed pose of having one knee bent to her chest so her elbow could rest on it, her fingers deep in her ebony hair as she studied me. I shrugged.

"They would, I hope, at first..." I found myself saying, my voice muffled somewhat by my arms. "But they'll be okay. Sazh has Dajh, Hope has Bartholomew..." I paused, ignoring the prickling of my heart as a certain blonde flitted before my eyes, "And Snow has Serah. They'll move on."

Silence surrounded us after my comment, and I preferred it that way. I closed my eyes in the little dark sanctum that I created with my arms and my body, and forced myself not to let the thoughts of my beautiful sister and the keeper of my heart together pain me too much. I knew I was a hypocrite and a fraud, both frustrated at Snow for upsetting Serah in their separation and happy for the time I got to spend with him. The man would probably look at me with disgust if he found out how I savored each moment I had in his company, when I had beat him senseless in the past for loving my sister. And Serah... my precious, innocent, sweet little Serah... The thought of her disappointed and tearful eyes over my betrayal for loving her husband would kill me. 

Certain images of men on top of me flickered before my closed eyes, and I felt my body tremble as I tried to shut out the thoughts. If I wasn't dead, it means that someone must have found me after they were done. I shuddered to think if it was Snow, how appalled he must be to clean up the filth and dirt with the knowledge of my complete failure as a soldier. It was my fault that he had to witness my defeat in such a disgraceful way, and he must have felt ashamed of the fact that I was his sister-in-law. How could I have not fought harder? How dare I subject Snow to such a precarious position where he had to clean up after me? Wasn't I enough of a pathetic, miserable wretch that it would be best if fiends would kill me, if for nothing more than having my body as their sustenance for another day or two? 

"Hey," warm hands on my arms woke me from my delirium, and I looked up in a daze at Fang who hovered before me, her face full of concern. I studied her features with confusion, wondering why my body hurts. Could spirits feel pain, I wonder?

Her hand reached up to brush away the hair in my eyes, and I surprised myself by not flinching away. How could I, when the woman had been so much more than just a comrade to me in the year and a half that we travelled together? Like the older sister that I never had, she hid her wisdom in her jokes and casual cognizances, and was relentless in drawing me out of the shell of emotionless, perfect soldier that I had created around myself. When the days and nights of travelling and searching for our Focus became too much, she would be the first to pull me into an embrace just so I had a place to rest. She was never shy of voicing her opinion, and I found that I was powerless when she spoke her demands and always ended up doing her bidding. Thankfully, most of her demands tended to be whining or jokes, which could easily be ignored. I never understood the liking she and Vanille took of me, but I was grateful for the attention.

Her observant eyes studied mine for a moment, before she pursed her lips in aversion. Standing up, she pulled me to my feet with her none-too-gently, holding my hand tightly as she began the hike up the hills. "Fang?!" I cried when I nearly tripped on the footing, which she ignored as she tightened her hold on me. Staggering after the woman, I looked at her swaying sari in confusion, not understanding the source of her anger. Was it me? Was it because she saw the failure and shame in my eyes? Did she finally realize how incompetent I was? Or how impure I was now that I might stain this sanctuary that Vanille had created? 

Would I be abandoned again?

My chaotic thoughts stopped when Fang slowed as we reached our apparent destination. My eyes widened at the gorgeous lake before me. The water rippled gently in sapphire blue, the bank framed by weeping willows and other flora. A large, thick waterfall could be seen in the distance, but the sound was dulled into soothing background music, accompanied an ensemble of singing birds that hid among the branches. Mountain ranges painted the background in dark greys and blacks, and even though it was late at night, the view was nothing short of breathtaking. Fang waited patiently next to me as I took in the sights, then she guided me towards an opening near the water. Letting go of my hand, she sat down on the shallow bank and patted the ground next to her in invitation, while dipping her bare foot into the crisp, refreshing water. I sat gingerly, almost afraid of disrupting the serenity of the scene, or contaminate it with my presence.

"Take a look in the water," Fang said when I settled down, and I looked at her quizzically. When she only responded with an encouraging smile, I followed her subdued command and moved closer to the water. The once serene water rippled without wind, and before I was ready, my breath was caught in my throat as I saw the man that I had longed for as clear as if he was right in front of me. He looked exhausted, the stubble on his chin was longer than I remembered, yet he somehow looked both clean and disheveled at the same time. How he managed that I had no idea.

The scene before me started to expand, and my eyes widened as I saw myself on my bed. My wrists were bandaged, and from beneath the comforter I could see other bandages wrapped around my shoulders. I didn't recall being that pale before, or ever sleeping so deeply since I enrolled in the Corps. It was surreal to watch myself and Snow as if I was watching television, except having full knowledge that this was reality. Snow sat close to the bed beside the mess he made on my nightstand with a jug of water, a couple glasses, some medkit stuff, and what I suspect was an empty beer can between my furniture. I gasped softly when I saw Snow move, reaching a hand out as he brushed my hair behind my ear, and caressed my face with his thumb in a way that I've only dreamed of before. The look in his eyes was a mixture of pain and something more, something I was afraid to identify. It was a look I've seen when he gazed at Serah before the war, but more intense and with deeper passion. 

The familiar chime of my doorbell sounded suddenly, and Snow looked up from his task of studying me. _"I'll be right back, Light,"_ he said softly as he got up, and walked out of my view. 

"He looks smitten with you, Sunshine," Fang commented casually, brushing and tickling my bare arm with a long piece of grass. I ignored her at first, but when she persisted, I swatted the grass away in annoyance. 

"He's just... pitying me," I retorted, my argument weak and unsure. 

"I don't know," Fang grinned as she tossed the grass away, "I think you're refusing to see the obvious." 

I decided not to dignify that statement with a response.

The sound of conversation soon drew my attention back to the water, and I saw Hope come into view behind Snow. He had a bag of some kind that he set next to Snow's previously occupied chair, and he began to take out pieces of equipment that were eventually assembled into a scanner. I was captivated by how expertly Snow was helping Hope with the setup, and stunned when Hope eventually handed the blonde the scanning wand. Pulling the comforter off of me, Snow began the scan with a sense of authority and understanding that I've only seen when he was fighting. It might be inappropriate, but somehow, I found him extremely attractive as he narrowed his eyes in concentration. 

"Admit it, you love him," Fang whispered like a devil in my ear. I glanced at her sideways, noting how close she was snuggling up to me as she watched the water with an amused smile. 

I scoffed, "I never denied it."

"Mmh, yet you aren't willing to open your eyes and see his feelings for what they are."

"Shut up, Fang," I growled, "He's my brother-in-law."

Fang chuckled and pulled away from me, lying down casually with her toes in the water, twiddling them lazily to send ripples across the lake; inevitably distracting my view. She crossed her arms behind her head, and only stopped disturbing the water when I slapped her thigh, hard. She complained softly under her breath, but otherwise made no more sound. When the water finally stilled, I saw Hope was standing by the foot of my bed, watching intently as Snow finished wrapping up my bandages. The blonde picked up the bag of IV medicine and attached it to the stand next to the bed, then sighed as he sat down in his chair. 

_"Stop looking at her like that, Hope,"_ he broke the silence after a while. _"You know it's not her fault."_

_"I know that,"_ the younger man snapped back. 

I frowned. What was not my fault? What are they talking about?

The two didn't speak, and I couldn't take my eyes off of Snow's hand, now holding mine in his, his thumb caressing the back of my hand as he studied Hope. Whatever internal struggle the silver-haired youth had eventually stopped as he glared at Snow, his eyes fixed on our joined hands. Snow's eyes followed Hope's, and he smiled softly before returning his eyes to the younger man, this time they were firm with resolve. I didn't know why, but I felt my face heat up when I saw Snow tighten his grip on my fingers.

_"You have no right to do that,"_ Hope growled after conceding to the staring match, and he began to pack up the scanner, not caring of the rough treatment as he took his anger out on the machine. Snow waited until the boy disassembled most of the hardware, before he put my hand on the bed and moved to help put the parts into the bag. Hope let the blonde take over as he sat on his heels on the floor, watching while Snow systematically put the parts back into the bag and zipped it up. He breathed in deeply before letting out a sigh, closing his eyes as he returned to his calm, logical self again. _"I'm sorry, Snow. I shouldn't have snapped. I know how you feel about her, but I couldn't forget that you're still married. You can't just..."_

_"I know,"_ Snow said, the sadness in his voice pulled at my heart. _"I'll fix that, I promise. And I won't make any advances on Light before I have the right to do that."_

I inhaled sharply at Snow's promise and the implications beneath. I turned to look at Fang, who only smirked at me with a wink before she looked back up to the sky. Am I to believe what Hope had said? Or could it just be my wishful thinking? No, how could I think of Snow having reciprocal feelings for me, when that would break Serah's heart? Snow was so much in love with Serah that he was willing to risk his life, traversing two planets and fighting the Creator just for the flimsy chance that she might return to him unscathed. He never gave up on her when I was on the brink of accepting her death, and he promised that he would always keep her happy. How could he have stopped loving her? And why would he give someone like me - whose only worth was being a perfect soldier and which I failed miserably at - gain his passionate love?

Hope must have been delirious. That had to be it.

My inner monologue was interrupted when Snow entered the screen again, and took the seat that he now claimed his own. He studied my pale, sleeping face for a while, before he picked up my hand again. I felt myself blush furiously when he began to kiss each digit, slowly and lovingly as if he was worshipping them, yet I couldn't avert my eyes from the sight. My heart leapt to my throat when I heard his voice, filled with emotions of love and longing, as he pled quietly, just loud enough for me to hear.

_"Come back to me, Light... Give me a chance to prove to you..."_

I never got to hear the rest of the sentence as the water was disrupted again. Droplets began to fall onto the serene surface, causing ripples after ripples that eventually washed away the sound and image of Snow. I couldn't help but reach out, trying to touch him, plead for his return to me, but all I touched was chilling lake water. The droplets simply refused to stop. Why wouldn't it stop?!

A sob escaped me as two hands held onto my shoulders, and I looked up to see Fang watching me with concern, the sight of her blurred from what I realized were tears falling from my eyes. I wiped away the tears in anger, hating these signs of weakness, yet they kept coming despite my angry mantra of 'Stop' to myself. I soon found myself in the embrace of the elder Pulsian woman, as she whispered into my ears, telling me it was okay for me to cry, that I needed it and I should just listen to my heart for once, instead of my head. The same exact words she and Vanille first confronted me with about my feelings for Snow, all those years ago when we first arrived in Pulse. 

And like before, I succumbed to the suggestion, letting tears flow out of me freely as I clinged to the stronger woman, wailing like I never had before. I raved about how scared I was during the assault, the hopelessness and the shame, and how I wish I would've just died right then. I cried about my unrequited love for a certain blonde, and how he certainly wouldn't want me now that I'm tainted. And I wept about how lonely I was without him and Serah, and how hurt I was when she shunned me from her life after the Fall. 

Before I eventually surrendered to the darkness of well-deserved sleep, I felt a smaller pair of hands on me as gentle, warm healing magic began to flow into me. Different than Hope's cool cures. I whimpered as I clung more tightly to Fang's waist, and fell asleep listening to the tingling giglges mixed with sighs of relief of Vanille as she bid me good night.

* * *

[Snow] 

"Well, if you're willing to give her everything, it'd all come down to whether or not she'll sign it willingly," the munchkin said as he fixed his crooked glasses for the third time in the past fifteen minutes. He continued to read his tablet, which contained a huge legal document file that he had prepared based on our phone conversation the day before. 

I shrugged, leaning back into Light's chair, the one that she sat in the first day I arrived at the Academy. It gave me a sense of connection to her when I'm away. I know, I'm pathetic. "As long as I get the storage space, I'm golden." 

"And alimony? You are the breadwinner." 

I paused, my eyes narrowed with disdain, "No, I'm not giving her anything." Not anymore. Not when she used that money to purchase the means to attack my beloved. There was nothing I wanted from her except my freedom, and she could keep the money in our joint account. I'm disgusted by any connection to her as is.

Nida chuckled at my comment, and resumed his typing while I sipped my coffee. Hope sat in the chair opposite mine, flipping through the muted television channels probably just so he had something to do in the silence. I insisted on his presence when he brought Nida up, who, according to both he and Sazh, was the best divorce attorney in Pulse. While the two planets were now on their way to becoming independent entities, their laws intertwined and probably would for the next ten years, until the Neo-Sanctum congress finally begins working properly. Therefore, professionals such as lawyers, doctors, and accountants can practice on both planets until the law says otherwise. For my divorce, I needed a witness for the papers, and I needed Hope to know the details. Why I felt the obligation I hadn't a clue. Maybe out of respect for him as someone who also loved Light, or that he knew about the truth behind the official story. Either way, I wanted him to see my actions clearly, even though he was uncomfortable at first. He got past that quickly once we began treating Serah more as an enemy than Light's sister. Who said divorce wasn't tactical warfare?

It took Nida nearly a week after our initial phone consult for him to meet with me. The man did wonders in researching into Serah and my assets and histories, especially since I was no help with that information. When I was on Cocoon, my job deposited my pay directly into our shared bank account, and Serah insisted that she be the one doing the finances at home. Something about this being her contribution to our home since she wasn't working, she should carry more responsibility for household chores. She assured me that she would ask for more money if she needed, which became a constant with her various home improvement projects or stuff she just "had to have". I never knew how much I was making, nor how much money I had in my account. I had a credit card with a reasonable limit, and I lived with that knowing I was in good shape as long as it wasn't maxed out. Which gave Sazh a good reason to laugh at me when I looked at both he and Light in confusion after I received my first pay stub on Pulse about all of the numbers and deductions listed, and asked the intelligent question of who was the bastard that took away nearly a fifth of the Gil in my paycheck. I think I saw Light turn away to try to stifle her chuckles. 

As the meeting started today, Nida brought to light some surprising revelations. Apparently, the Farron parents had insurance policies on themselves, which Light had cashed in and continued to deposit regularly into the account after she joined the Corps. Serah's college fund, it was. In addition, both Light and Serah inherited the house, but Light had transferred the deed into my name after Serah made the announcement of us moving to Cocoon as a belated wedding gift. She had joked that it was her making up for punching me one too many times during our travels. It finally dawned on me that my wife was richer than I would ever be, and she had just conveniently forgot to tell me.

Which made the decision even easier, for me anyway.

"All right, sign here," Nida said, handing me the tablet and the stylus. After I signed, he took the devices and gave them to Hope. "And witness signs here."

Once we were both done, Nida finally took off his glasses and folded them into his pocket. "Well, the sheriff will serve Serah with the divorce papers within the next 48 hours. I pulled some strings with the court, and a judge will hear the preliminary in a week," Nida said, the man looking much too wise for his age. "If we're lucky, you could be back here within a week. But judging from what I've learned of your wife, I'd be ready for the long haul."

I sighed heavily in defeat, and ran a hand through my messy hair. Hope reached over and turned the TV off to give me some time to think without distraction. Nida started sipping his now-cooled coffee, and declined my offer to make him a new cup. Once finished with the drink, he continued as if he had never paused. "If my guess is correct, this might take longer than you'd like. You'd also need to follow my game plan, since she or her lawyer might play dirty and paint you to be the cheating bastard. That might hurt you on your requests."

"Whatever it takes," Hope answered on my behalf, the young man visibly irritated by any mention of Serah. Can't say I don't share his sentiment. 

Nida smirked and nodded, standing up as he put his tablet away inside his briefcase. Hope got up to walk the lawyer out, who promised he would give me the time to meet him at the train station once he heard from the Cocoon court. I waved my goodbye to the man, and once the front door slid shut, I sighed again. I picked up mugs and put them into the sink, lost in thought until I found myself watching the water run even after the ceramics had been rinsed thoroughly. Nida was right; Serah would never sign willingly. She was, after all, Light's sister, and she never admitted defeat or backed down without a fight, except she used it not in battles but solely for the purpose of driving me insane. This process had proven to be more difficult than I anticipated. I already hated being away from Light longer than a couple hours; to be away on another planet for an indefinite period was surely going to kill me with worry. But I needed to if it would give me the right to stand next to my Goddess, even if she never forgives me.

Turning off the tap, I put the mugs into the dishwasher and started it. The hum of the machine faded into the background as I went back to Light's bedroom, and sat in my seat as I watched her slow breathing. It had been over two months, yet she showed no sign of waking up. My hand automatically went to hers, holding the delicate hand in mine as I thought about how to work with Hope to take care of Light when I'm gone. He probably would need help as he had the most insane schedule of anyone I knew, but I wouldn't want anyone else to invade Light's - our - sanctuary. Besides, we still didn't know if she could tolerate others' touch now, so we had to find that out before I left. Maybe I should call Nida and ask him to postpone the court date until she wakes up, so I can focus on the impending trial.

I yawned when a sudden sleep spell came over me. Blinking and shaking my head, I yawned again, confused about my sudden exhaustion. It was as if a Sleepga spell went off on me, or three. I pushed the chair back slightly, and put my head down on the bed, snuggling Light's now-healed arm like I would a stuffed animal. The second my head touched her sky blue sheets, I was enveloped by darkness, the last thing I remembered was the delicate rose scent from Light's body wash surrounding my senses.

***  


Looking around me, I wondered what sort of psychological meaning there was for me to dream of a completely grey world with nothing for miles. There was some white mist curled around my feet, and I didn't feel hot nor cold. It was as if I'm in the middle of a huge expanse of nothingness. I walked around the perimeter to see if I could find any clue as to why I'm here, and after circling thrice, I was as informed as I was when I first opened my eyes... in my dreams. Yup, insanity here I come.

A chuckle sounded behind me. "Hey, Hero," she said, and I quickly turned around, my eyes widening at the sight of the older Pulsian woman, who grinned at me with her arms crossed. 

"Fang!" I gasped. "How... what...?" 

She laughed, swaying in her arrogant stance as she walked towards me, and circled me as she checked me out. I stared at her incredulously before I looked around, expecting Vanille to pop out of nowhere, until I drove myself dizzy. Fang snickered at my show of stupidity.

"Well, it was good to see you," she drawled.

I nodded, "Likewise. You look good. So... is this like, a not-a-dream dream? What is this?"

"Technically, we're inside your head," she shrugged, and leaned against a transparent wall. "But that's not what you really wanted to know, right?"

I tilted my head, trying my best to keep up with her thoughts, and finding myself coming up empty. It would be ridiculous of me to ask her how she and Vanille had been, seeing how they were frozen in the crystal chassis. But aside from that, I couldn't think of other reasons which would involve the Pulsian women in my head. "Um... I don't know what that's supposed to mean."

Fang chuckled, shaking her head at my dense mind. "If I can be inside of your head, wouldn't I know what - or rather who - is on your mind?"

"Light."

She grinned her confirmation, and I felt myself tensing. She waved her hand at me in dismissal. "Relax, she's fine. She wasn't when we found her, though."

"Found her?" I asked, not sure if I wanted to know the answer. "Tell me, Fang."

She smiled, and with a wave of her hand, we were suddenly sitting in Light's living room, and we each had a bottle of beer. I didn't know how she did it, but man, was I grateful. She waited until I had a couple of gulps of the bottle before she spoke, diving straight into the subject. "Light suffered severe injuries from the attack, both physical and mental." She paused, taking a sip to organize her thoughts, before she continued, "She's a strong woman, don't get me wrong, but no one could really come out of an attack like what she went through unscathed. By the time we found her, she had nearly given up all of her will to live. She was in a darkness of the mind that, if left untreated, she would eventually be absorbed and we would've never gotten her back."

My grip on the bottle tightened to the point that I could feel the cool glass groan as it neared its breaking point, and I bit my lower lip to prevent me from speaking. Fang studied me carefully to judge whether I was ready for her to proceed, and when I nodded, she resumed. "We pulled Light out of the darkness, and took her to the crystal chassis with us. The best way for me to explain this is this - the wounds in her psyche would reflect in her soul like a physical wound, and whenever that happened, Vanille was there to heal it, you catch my drift?" When I nodded, Fang carried on, "The thing is, we had to let Light internalize her thoughts, which often triggered her wounds to surface, and heal them again. One heal wasn't gonna do anything, even for someone as strong as her."

I acquiesced, and the woman gave me silence as I processed the information. The image of Light suffering her injuries over and over again, even though Fang and Vanille were there to give her immediate and direct treatment, made me sick to my stomach. I understood that her mental injuries would be recurring, and the way our friends had been healing her was probably one of the best things that could happen under the circumstances. That didn't mean I wasn't pained about it, however. My eyes stung, but I resisted the moisture as I stared at the now-empty bottle. Fang sighed, and reached over, patting me on the shoulder in comfort and understanding. 

"I wouldn't lie to you and say it was an easy process; it's not. She's making progress," Fang remarked softly, "but she will never be the same or get over it. She might still need to see a therapist, Vanille said, but hopefully our method was able to help in ways that normal psychologists cannot."

"I'll take her," I promised, already thinking about a couple of doctors that had come up during my research. "And thank you, really. Tell Vanille I said 'thanks', too."

Fang smiled, "Will do, and I know you will take good care of her. But first," she got up and stretched, her arms over her head as she cracked her spine. It felt good to see the Pulsian woman that had assumed the role of our big sister soon after we began our adventures together, even when she was without her favorite lance. She was intimidating and a formidable force, and I was happy that she prevailed as Light's protector when she was needed most. Fang turned to look at me sharply, daring me to cross her, though I valued my life and my testicles too much to do so. "Go tend to your business first, and don't you dare think about postponing." When I swallowed in nervousness, she grinned, "She'll be here and she'll take care of herself. And knowing her, she'll wait for you too."

I smiled, the first in a long time, and Fang waved as she turned to go. I watched Fang's departing form as the mist thickened around me, and this time, I only sat back and relaxed, feeling relieved knowing that Light was in the good hands of our friends.

* * *

[Lightning]

I sat on the ledge, dangling my feet in mid-air, not caring about the deep fall of at least a thousand feet below. The sun was setting, which I was told was the only phenomenon that had a connection to the outside world. I found myself addicted to the view of the sky from this altitude. 

Sighing, I pulled a leg up to my chest, and hugged my knee tightly, resting my chin on top of it. I felt so tired, yet I was not sleepy. I had been in this state of mind for the last several days, and not because of the frequent healings and mental breakdowns I'd had thus far. It was pathetic how accustomed I was to the hysteria that left me a wreck, a sign of weakness that I detested. There could be only one - no - two people that could make me this tired, and unfortunately they now stood opposite each other on the scale of my mind. It used to be so easy: that as long as Serah and Snow were happily wed, my life was complete and content, even when my apartment often felt empty and lonely. My thoughts drifted back to Snow's pleading words, the ones that I had been replaying in my mind, trying to guess the parts that I couldn't hear. What did he want to prove? He had already proven himself so well throughout our battles to the point of making me fall in love with him, what more could he possibly prove to me? Didn't he know that he was perfect the way he was, and I wanted nothing but him in his natural beauty; cockiness, recklessness and all?

But what about my precious little sister, who always looked at him with adoration?

I sighed, lowering my head and closed my eyes away from the sun. It was so exhausting, this desire, this love. But to love him was to betray the other love of my life, the one I vowed to my mother on her deathbed that I would care for. I've sacrificed everything for her - my childhood, my dreams, my aspirations, so she could have everything she wanted. A caring husband, a family, and if she wanted, she could go back to school for her teaching career. I would see to it that she lived a happy, normal life regardless of what I had to do.

And now I'm in love with her husband, who returns my feelings. 

I wanted to accept him, especially after knowing that he felt the same. But I'm also afraid to love, to see what that unknown path would take. Would she forgive us? Maybe - she was always so forgiving, so kind. But would I? Could I live with myself, if he asked? 

A nestling sound behind me, and I turned my head enough to see the small, white kitten that enjoyed following me since I woke up in the chassis emerge amidst the all flora. Its ears twitched as it looked at me curiously, as if asking me why I was sitting so close to the ledge. When I managed a weak smile, it mewled and came to me, pawing at my bare arm with its clawless foot. If I had been wearing my uniform, I have a feeling that it would enjoy playing with and shredding my cape to pieces. I picked her up and held her close to my chest, nuzzling the soft fur as she twisted until she found a comfortable position. I scratched her chin, and smiled when she purred softly.

Paradise. With no worries of love, no thoughts of betrayal, and no decisions to make. Just peace. Tranquility. Maybe to just---

"Beautiful place, this is, ain't it?" Vanille's voice interrupted my dark thoughts abruptly, and I looked up just as she flopped herself next to me in her constant chipper manner, dangling her legs as she watched the sunset with me. I gave her a small smile as acknowledgement, and the kitten in my lap mewled its. We sat in silence as the sun slowly went down beneath the horizon, and the moon began to rise. Another full moon, it seemed.

"This place is such a wonderful place, right?" she spoke again, and smiled as I turned to look at her. She plucked a flower by her; a large, rose-looking one without the thorns. "An entire world made by the wills of its inhabitants, where you can change things whenever you want and it will obey you." She plucked one of the red petals off, and stared at it as she held it high. "You can have reds, blues, and purples today, and yellows, oranges, and even greens tomorrow. Everything could be changed, the only limit is your imagination."

I stared at her in confusion, not comprehending where Vanille was taking this conversation. So I waited as she continued, her eyes focused only on the scenery before her. "You know, the thing about this place is that it's absolutely fascinating to stay if you have no regrets. But," she turned to look at me earnestly, "If you do, then soon these changes won't matter anymore. All the beauty, the creativity, the serenity... It would fade into background, and all you'd have left was your remorse."

She took a deep breath, and stretched her arms forward, straightening her back until we both heard the satisfactory crack of her spine. "Have I ever told you about our lives in Oerba?" she asked.

"You've mentioned it briefly," I whispered, mildly surprised by how mature Vanille appeared now as opposed to her usual little girl behavior. It made sense, seeing as how, technically, she was hundreds of years older.

She chuckled, and sighed as she played with the flower petals in her hand. "I was sixteen when the High Priests of fal'Cie came to Oerba. They sent High Priests all over, to all the towns in Pulse to study potential children, and we were told they were here to give us blessing. So I went about my daily life as usual, caring only about school, boys, make-up, clothes... you know, the usual."

I shrugged, and she giggled at that, knowing that I wouldn't know what a normal sixteen-year-old cared about. By the time I was finally about to take a breath from my daily work in the Corps, Serah was talking about marriage with Snow. And my only concern when I was sixteen was trying to master gunblade and beat the Corps record for disassembling and reassembling the weapon. "So when they chose me and Fang, there wasn't anything I could do. I didn't have anything accomplished in my life, and my dreams were forever shattered."

"Vanille..."

"It's okay," she smiled at me, and put her head on my shoulder as she continued to play with the flower, plucking the petals off slowly. "I discovered this world within the crystal chassis soon after I was sealed up, and at first it was fun, you know? I made different worlds, different sceneries, different weather... until I was finally bored. So I began watching my family. My mommy cried every day and night since I was sealed, even though the Priests said we were sacrificing ourselves for our planet. You know how that goes."

"Un," I nodded. Regardless of the planet, propaganda and brainwashing were all the same, especially done in the name of war or fal'Cie. 

"She eventually stopped crying, when she was pregnant with my little sister," I looked at her in surprise, since she never mentioned a sibling in the past. "Her name was Vjera, and she was the cutest little baby I've ever seen! Her eyes were so round and large, and she had the most adorable smile. I loved watching her, and I saw her first step, heard her first word, and went with her to school on her first day. It made time more pleasant and go faster."

Vanille chuckled bitterly, tossing the stem of the now petal-less flower away and plucked another one. "My mom told Vjera all about me when she was little, until she ran out of story when Vjera was my age. She always told her to remember me, used to take her to the fal'Cie shrine to see me, until Vjera grew up and got tired of paying homage to a sister she never knew. She met a nice man, fell in love, and got married. Then she had her own kids, and grandkids. And when she died, nobody talked about me anymore. No one remembered. It was as if we never existed beyond the crystal chassis.

"It was then that none of this mattered," Vanille concluded, poking the chin of the sleeping kitten on my lap. 

I grabbed Vanille's hand, crushing it in my grip. "We won't forget you. Ever. We'll find a way to free you, I promise."

Vanille smiled gently, and patted my hand. "It's okay, really!" she chirped, "The time we spent with you, Snow, Hope, and Sazh was memorable and fun! And we felt we finally made our mark in the world, that we made a difference. Don't worry about us; we have no regrets."

"Vanille..."

The younger woman shook her head to silence me, and we sat, her hand never leaving mine. The moon was high in the sky, her silver light casting a sheer brilliance over the field. The kitten on my lap stirred, looking at me with an adoring gaze before she turned to Vanille, mewling softly. The younger Pulsian chuckled, and rose, pulling me up with her as we stood close to the edge of the cliff. The height didn't scare me, but the bittersweet sadness in Vanille's eyes was distressing. She took my hands into hers, and looked up at me. "Well, it was great to see you, Lightning. But it's time for you to go home."

"... ..." I stared at the girl incredulously before noticing the kitten that I should have dropped when I stood was perching in mid-air between my extended arms. A warm, white light began to emit from its small body, soon enveloping me like a bubble. I looked around in awe as I began to levitate off the ground, only my hands remained clutched by Vanille as I looked down at her. 

"Be safe, Light," she said, tiptoeing to plant a kiss on my cheek. "And don't leave any regrets in your life. You have worked too hard not to deserve some happiness." 

With that, she let go of my hand, and I began to float upwards in the bubble. My eyes widened as Fang emerged from between the flora, putting an arm around the smaller shoulder as she smiled, doing a mock Corps salute at me while Vanille waved with both her hands. Words weren't exchanged as blinding light finally took away my senses, yet I knew they understood my promises to them.

_Live for yourself, Light. Don't ever give up on things you'll later regret._

***  


The first thing I felt was the filtered air of the Academy, and the silence. I attempted to open my eyes, but my lids simply refused, so I relaxed in what I'm sure was my bed, figuring another day spent sleeping in wouldn't be such a bad idea.

My ears picked up some sound beyond my closed door, and instead of panicking, I felt myself relieved at the thought of the blonde moving around in my apartment. The fact that I was not skittish of having someone invading my personal space was a huge improvement, if I did say so myself. Slipping deeper into an oncoming slumber, I chuckled to myself mentally that it would be hard for me to get rid of the man who had so adamantly entered my life and refused to leave. 

The sound of door knob turning was the only preamble before he walked into the room directly to my bedside, and sat himself down on his chair. I felt his hand tugging the comforter up to cover my shoulders, and his palm was on my face, caressing. His thumb brushed under my eyes, and if my body were responsive, I would be blushing right now from the intense gaze I felt from him. As such, I convinced myself to simply enjoy his touch and attention, finally allowing myself the luxury of doing so.

"Light..." he started, his voice dark and soft. Strained. Why? "Fang said you should be coming back soon, and I wanted to wait, but the court wasn't so forgiving. Besides, I doubt I could if I see you awake, whether because you're gonna kick my ass from here to New Bodhum or because I couldn't bear leaving you. So... I guess this is for the best.

"I'm taking the two o' clock airship tonight to Cocoon. Serah and my divorce preliminary is in the morning. Nida said that, optimistically, we can be back in a week, but I doubt that will be the case," he said, bringing my fingers up to his lips. "Nida had some rules that I have to obey, which included no contact with you for the duration of the proceedings. No phone calls or e-mails, and no visits. It sucks, but he said Serah or her lawyer would try to say that you are the reason why I'm divorcing her, and that's the last thing that I want to see happening. I'll keep Hope and Sazh updated, however.

"The only person who knows about Mah'habara is Hope. Nobody else knows. He'll take care of you when I'm gone, so if you need anything you go to him, alright?" He paused, and even if I had full control of my body, I dared not open my eyes, afraid to let him see the tears in them. Never had I thought such caring words would be directed towards me, especially not from the person that I had dreamed about for the last three years. The emotion in his voice pierced through me, making my heart constrict in loving pain. I knew I was lost in that moment, that it would be impossible to refuse him any longer.

He sighed, and didn't speak for a while, as if he needed time to organize his thoughts. I felt my hand lowered gently onto the bed, then heard some metal tingling before my head was raised off the pillow. A soft click followed and I felt the warm weight of something draped on my chest, next to my thunderbolt necklace. "I never told anyone about this necklace, really, and I don't know why... heh," he chuckled softly. "This was the only thing I had on me when the Matron at the orphanage found me. I never let it out of my sight. So..."

He pressed his forehead to mine, his words were whispers on my lips. "Wait for me, Light. I will return. And when I come back, I have something I want to tell you. So, please, Light... Be strong, like I know you always will, and trust me. Trust me, Light."

I already do, with my life and my heart, you idiot.

With great reluctance, he pulled away from me, and his footsteps receded before I heard the swoosh of my apartment door closing. Feeling a tear escape at last, I promised myself and Snow that this would be my last showing of weakness.

***  


Blocks of sunshine snuck through my curtains, causing me to wince as I woke with irritation. I opened my eyes slowly, taking a moment to reacquaint myself with my room before I sat up. Looking around in curiosity, I noticed the additional medical equipment strewn around in addition to his chair, and an added side table that served as his work station. While not immaculately clean, the room was definitely tidied, much to my surprise. I swung my legs off the bed with hesitation, testing my own strength before I stood, glancing at the digital clock by the bed. Just past six a.m. 

I headed to my en suite bathroom, mildly wondering why I wasn't caked in soil and didn't smell like a grat. A quick glance at my bathroom gave me the answers I sought, and I knew I was blushing furiously when I saw a small, wooden stool in the bathtub and a makeshift salon chair pushed to the side. A large plastic bowl with a well-used bath sponge rested near the tub, and if Snow was here I would probably deck him thrice before letting him up. The thought of him seeing and touching my body intimately was so confounding that I sat down on the toilet, and buried my face in my hands as I tried to will the heat on my face to subside. 

I warred with my illogical side of wanting to hunt down the man and cut him into pieces, and my logical voice telling me that he did it for legitimate and caring reasons, knowing that I hated grime and being bedridden for three months was not good for one's personal hygiene. It was a blessing in disguise that he must be in Cocoon to finish his divorce proceedings before I could see him again, so I wouldn't kill him on sight and regret it later. 

The thought of him divorcing Serah halted any rose-colored thoughts I had of Snow, as I got up from my seat and sighed heavily. After removing the little stool and turning on the water, I sat on the rim of the clawfooted tub and watched steam rise. Vanille's voice still rang in my ears, that I need to start living for myself and find my own happiness, and not live in regret. Maker knows how I've tried, as opportunities of interested men weren't scarce, even as a Commander of the Academy Guardians. There were a couple of high-ranking officers and politicians in Neo-Sanctum that had asked me to dinner or offered a ride back to the Academy, yet I never took them up on their offers. One had tried to kiss me forcefully, and he ended up in the hospital for a week. There was always something wrong with them - their eyes didn't light up the right way, too polite, too arrogant... Until I had to be honest with myself that I was simply looking for a replacement of Snow, and no one else could ever fit the role. It was so natural with the arrogant blonde, almost as if he sauntered into my heart with his usual cockiness, and that was the end of it. 

Maybe... Maybe Serah would understand. Maybe she'll forgive me. I wouldn't stop trying until she did, I know. I just hope she wouldn't stay mad at me for too long. She was always so loving and caring, surely she would forgive us, I hope? I just hope Snow would be gentle when he talked to her....

Turning off the tap, I tested the water for temperature and idly threw in whatever bottle of bath salt was next to the tub, pausing only when the scent of roses filled the bathroom. Rolling my eyes at Snow being the hopeless romantic, I took off my pajamas and lowered myself into the water. Sighing in contentment, I allowed myself to let go of my worries for Serah and enjoy the simple things in life, such as a hot, soothing bath in the morning without the worry of hurrying off to work. 

I must have dozed off again - how could one feel so sleepy after three months of coma? - when I woke to the sound of someone prattling about in my living room. Getting up from the tub, I dried myself slowly and put on a plush bathrobe, the snuggling feel of the material reminded me of the numerous animals that always stayed with me when I was with the Pulsian women. I exited my room, and leaned against the wall leading to the living room and kitchen, watching in silent curiosity as Hope milled about. I relished the savory scent of coffee in the air. Meanwhile the young man called as he rummaged my shockingly stocked fridge, "Snow? I thought you wanted to take last night's airship? I can make some breakfast for you if you want, and you can catch the 9 o' clock one."

My eyes turned to the omelette and toast set on the table for one person, and smiled at the mix-matched chairs surrounding my dining table, now that one had been outfitted into a salon chair and another branded and settled in my room. The young Director must have heard me move about in the bedroom to think that it was Snow.

"Snow?" Hope asked, slightly impatient, perhaps from the lack of response he received. He straightened, turned, and promptly dropped the bottle of ketchup in his hand. I gave the stunned man a small, tight smile; the look on his face was priceless.

"Lightning..." he whispered, and took a step towards me, from which I couldn't help but flinch. My reaction stopped Hope mid-step, and hurt flashed in his eyes before he retreated back into the kitchen to put some distance between us. "Light..."

_'I'm sorry,'_ I said, and both he and I widened our eyes when nothing came out. I reached up to touch my throat gingerly, then I looked back at Hope, who gripped the kitchen counter so tight that his knuckles had turned white, but thankfully he didn't take a step closer. _'Hope?'_

"Your voice... Light..." Hope said, and he shook his head. "No, your vocal cords weren't hurt. You shouldn't have any problem talking..."

Relief washed over me as I nodded, and I signaled with my hands as I spoke slowly to let the younger man read my lips as best he could. _'It's okay, I'll be fine.'_

My reassurance seemed to have irritated the Director, as he glared at me, his lips pursed into a thin line. "You always say that, Lightning, but you're not okay until you've been checked out. Since you weren't injured, your loss of voice may be a psychological effect, and you should go see Dr. Sid right away for an evaluation and treatment."

I shook my head, not wanting to visit the even-tempered psychologist the Academy retained on staff. _'I'm fine,'_ I said again, this time slightly annoyed. _'Don't worry, this is temporary. I'm fine, really.'_

"Lightning---"

_'I'm fine,'_ I said with resolution as I walked to the table, pulling the omelette towards me. The heated glare that Hope directed at the top of my head was clearly felt as I dug into the still-hot omelette, taking small bites just in case my stomach disagreed with me. I was on my fifth bite when he let out an insufferable sigh, and stomped back to the kitchen. I felt a small smile of victory curl up my lips as I heard the sizzling of another omelette in the making. 

Halfway through the omelet, I flinched again when Hope purposely dropped his plate across from me with a clank, and the boy sat down with a humph. I kept my head down and my eyes focused on the food with his nearness. The mantra of _'he's Hope, he won't hurt me'_ continued to ring in my head as I tightened my grip on the fork. I felt my breath quickened in panic, and deliberately took three deep breaths before I looked up at the silver-haired youth, now having the look of both regret and petulance on his face as he watched me carefully, ready to bolt from his seat at any time. I managed a weak smile as I put down the fork, pushing the plate slightly away and gripped my right wrist with my left hand in an attempt to stop the trembling. _'I'm fine,'_ I said again, _'I just need some time.'_

"Bullshit," Hope informed me of his opinion, before he began eating, keeping one eye on me at all times to make sure I didn't hyperventilate. Taking several frustrated big bites, Hope finally quelled his anger as he looked up, taking a swig of his coffee to wash down the rice and egg. "You just missed Snow. He went back to Cocoon to take care of some unfinished business, and he'll return as soon as he's finished."

I nodded, not bothering to let Hope in on the knowledge that I already heard it from the blonde himself. When I didn't respond, Hope continued to study me until he sighed, rubbing his temple to soothe his upcoming headache. "Listen, Light," the younger man started, "you need to see Dr. Sid. You're the one who insisted on physical and mental examinations and clearance for any Guardian who went through traumatic incidents, so you have to listen to your own advice. You can't pretend you're fine and go on about daily life like this."

I shook my head again, not even bothering to speak the sentence I've repeated multiple times in the short span since I woke. Hope narrowed his eyes as he glared at me, and I met his stare with a small smile. His piercing gaze tried to seek any information to help him determine if I truly was okay or not, or maybe just find a way to break me to eventually agree to his terms. I kept my expression neutral, only the twitches of my hands and my slightly quickened breathing showing my true feelings. It wasn't as if I was afraid of Hope - never - but I was still having some trouble with any another man that's not Snow being near me. With time, I hope that phobia will subside, but at this moment I allowed myself to show my weakness, just until I become more accustomed to the living world again.

The Director eventually huffed, averting his eyes and ending the staring match. "Fine," he growled. "But I expect you to report to Infirmary Room B tomorrow at 0900 sharp for a physical exam. Nurse Terra and I will examine you," he said, getting up to toss his half-eaten breakfast in the trash, letting me know how he felt about the situation clearly by throwing the plate and nearly breaking it in the sink. More stomped than walked, he grabbed his jacket from the chair and hissed at me, "And until Dr. Sid signs off on your psych eval, you're chained to your office and on light duty. You got me, Commander?!"

_'Yes Sir,'_ I smiled at him, and when he hmphed, I added, _'Thank you, Hope.'_

I stayed in my seat when he left, and eyed the now-cooled omelette warily before clearing the table, considering it a small victory to have managed half of it without any protest from my stomach. Putting the dishes into the dishwasher, I surveyed the normal-looking kitchen, noting the subtle differences that continued to remind me of the blonde. New china sets, added coffee and espresso combo machine, a set of ceramic salt and pepper grinders, a spiral-bound paper notebook.

I lifted an eyebrow when my eyes fell on the paper notebook, a rare find nowadays with the popular tablets, though one could still find them in specialty shops. Picking up the well-worn book, I opened it to find the print more sophisticated and legible than I had anticipated. Flipping through the pages, I felt the mild hysteria of having Hope so close begin to subside, and my heart fluttered as I tried to control the feeling of tears stinging my eyes, refusing to let them fall and ruin the pages. Carefully written in two colors, the pages were covered in different recipes, with black ink for the ingredients and steps and the blue notes in the margins for the blonde's observations and feelings. Scribbles on how certain dishes were said to be useful for rebuilding bones, and others for a weakened body to regain strength and energy. There were notes about certain substitutions of ingredients, the ones I usually didn't like were exchanged with the ingredients I enjoyed. Spots on the page told the tale of the author perhaps dripping oil or dropping food during his experiment, and angry scratches about how disgusting a teaspoon of forgotten salt could make a dish, followed by large, bolded letters that were drawn on the recipe demanding he never forget it again.

Holding the notebook close to my chest, I closed my eyes tightly as I let emotions wash over me. I could almost picture Snow trying to cook, the man never known to pick up a spatula, scowling at the pot when the food failed or fist-pumping in excitement when it turned out delicious. The knowledge that he was willing to slave over a stove just for me made each breath tighten my heart even more, until it nearly burst in the painful love I have for him. I may have missed him by mere hours, but Maker, I miss him so much.

I walked slowly towards the room opposite mine - my only guest room - and relished in his aftershave when I walked in. Guest room no more, the disaster within proof of his stay, with stacks of paper books on the nightstand and on the floor by the bed, and another notebook similar to the one I clutched to my chest now resting on the bed, next to the lighter bomber jacket he got when he came to Pulse. Weather decidedly hotter than Cocoon, he made the quick decision of leaving his trenchcoat in his closet unless going to cooler places like Mah'habara, preferring the lighter bomber jacket as part of his daily outfit. I sat down slowly next to the jacket, my fingers grazing over its creases, longing for any warmth that might have been left behind. Picking up the second notebook, I opened it slowly, the now-familiar penmanship covered the pages with his thoughts and notes. Notes on emotional support loved ones should give after a traumatic event, post-traumatic stress disorder and its symptoms, the psychological aftermath of women after a gangrape, and warning signs of suicidal thoughts and severe depression were written down, highlighted, and marked on the margin what he needed to do based on his understanding of me. There were wrinkled pages that were slightly torn from its spiral, as if he had gripped the page so hard that he nearly tore it off, yet eventually decided to keep and attempted to smooth out. 

If I ever questioned his feelings for me I wouldn't - no - couldn't anymore; not after reading these. To doubt his love would be sacrilege.

Closing the book, I held them both in my arms as I laid myself on the jacket. Burying my face in leather, I drifted off to sleep again, hoping I could dream of him with his scent surrounding me. 

**_\--- To Be Continued_ **   


* * *

**Author's Note:** Finally! This chapter had been through so much that it nearly killed my creative brain cells all together. It wasn't so much the writing was difficult, but as some may have know from checking my website (and thank you for doing that! It makes me happy that someone is actually visiting my little web, heehee) my beta Espaa's computer died in last month. It took nearly three weeks for her to get a new computer, and another week on editing this fic. Which resulted in an update-less June. Thus is life. 

Thank you for all the wonderful reviews! I was a little worried for the previous chapter, but all the sweet and encouraging comments kept me going. It always warms my heart when I receive e-mail notification of another review, and brings a smile to my face. So thank you! 

The next chapter is done and in beta, but chapter 6 is still eluding me. I have some thoughts but those are jumbled, so I will resume my monthly update to give myself some time to form a good chapter 6. Seems my Light and Snow muse are exhausted from the drama so far, so they're getting a little rest. We'll let them... to a point. Then it's back in the game we go. ^_~ 

See you next chapter! If you can, please check my website for any updates! ^^ (link in profile~)


	5. Fifth Movement

_**Disclaimer:**_ Final Fantasy XIII and its respected characters are the property of Square Enix, Inc. This is a work of fanfiction, and no profit has or will be made off of the work. By stating this disclaimer, I refuse to be hold liable of violating copyrights. 

_**Warning(?):**_ This work features the pairing of Snow x Lightning, and will have adult situations in the future. The game only takes place in Final Fantasy XIII and **will not consider XIII-2 at all**. The story was actually conceptualized before XIII-2, but since there are elements that coincidentally collided, I just borrowed the names. 

As always, comments are loved and welcomed and worshipped! ^^

* * *

_"We have to keep our dreams alive. Something to look forward to."_

### Lacrimosa

Hieru Youko

_Fifth Movement_  
August, 2013

[Lightning]

"... thirteen machine guns and sixty-five rounds recovered," the young Academy Guardian rattled off. He eyed me insecurely while I continued to type, and winced when his partner kicked him. He cleared his throat, "Seventy-five rounds. My apologies, Commander."

I shook my head, making a hand gesture for the young soldier to continue. Feeling encouraged, the young man completed his report by recounting the numbers for all other weapons recovered. Making a final note on my tablet, I studied the report quickly before looking up at the two newest Guardians. The mission was an easy one, just enough challenge to whet the appetites of the new graduates while providing experience in the field that could never be obtained through classrooms or exams. They were asked to accompany an Academy Scholar, just a couple years above them, to a newly discovered shrine in the Bresha Ruins. Judging from the excited looks from the youth, it was hardly a guess about how the mission went. 

_"What was recovered from the site?"_ asked the robotic voice of my tablet after some quick typing on my part. Developed during the time I was going through physical therapy to recover my muscle strength, the generic, female alto had been my voice for the past year with people I worked on occasional basis. While it was bothersome because of the slight delay, I haven't had any complaints yet from clients or cadets. The fact that I didn't speak outside of necessity in the past made the significance of my 'injuries' much easier to adjust to.

The boy, Vaan, stammered while glancing at his partner, who rolled her eyes and took a step forward to assume the speaker role. "Nothing out of the ordinary, Commander. There were scrolls and books along with some ancient weapons, and a couple of orbs that Yuna thought were interesting. We've gathered about two lift-loads of artifacts."

I nodded, making a note to ask Hope about the orbs later, after his Scholar had a chance to study it. The past year had been an exciting time for him and his Scholars, having found a couple of new ruins and sites around Pulse that provided insight into the rich history and culture of this planet's past. While New Sanctum didn't think most of the studies and research were relevant to the development of the new world on Pulse, Hope had steadfastly ignored their complaint and continued to send Scholars and Guardians to these archaeological sites, if only to satisfy our curiosity of the world that Fang and Vanille had lived in before. The government was divided between thoughts of conserving resources for the development of something more pertinent, such as military weaponry, and the pursuit of academic knowledge to learn how to coexist with the planet. It was almost pathetic that not even a decade had passed on the new planet, and already disagreements threatened to tear the world apart. Now an influential force in the New Sanctum government, Hope had stood his ground and constantly reminded both sides to focus on bettering the lives of the people that live here now, and compromising when any side became too angry. How the young man in his early-twenties could be such a political genius was beyond me, but then again, I had stopped becoming surprised by the silver-haired man after he announced my appointment as Academy Guardian Commander many years ago.

Ensuring that I had all the information I need to complete my report, I typed quickly on the tablet. _"Good work. Don't start your final report until tomorrow, and take the rest of the week off,"_ the robotic voice said, and though it lacked in emotion, the two young Guardians beamed in excitement that inevitably brought a small smile to my lips. The pair looked at each other hesitantly, before Vaan stepped forward, fidgeting at his wristband in a nervous tic.

"Um, Commander?" he asked, and at my nod, he smiled and continued. "Do you think we can have the full week off?" When I lifted my eyebrow in question, he quickly added, "There's a place in Archylte Steppe that just opened with chocobo races and other stuff, and Penelo and I wanted to check it out... We'll be back the day before our next mission and be in tip-top shape, we promise!"

I frowned, not in displeasure but in simple confusion stemming from the development of a tourist attraction on what was a dangerous grassland in the past. Though there were some areas fairly devoid of fiends, it still baffled me that people were willing to make a dangerous trip to the Steppe that had nothing but grass and monsters. It did, however, make a great hunting ground for some. My fingers moved about my tablet, I quickly studied the mission list ahead of me, and mused about the possibility of shifting a couple of days around for the young partners. Recently clearing the Guardian exam, Vaan and Penelo had been on a series of missions that involved both indoor and field time, and the last thing I needed was two burnt-out soldiers in the field getting themselves or their charge killed. A week-long vacation seemed reasonable, and luckily, their next mission had a longer deadline.

Shifting a couple of things around in the calendar, I nodded at last, the young man's earnest gaze not affecting at all. _"You must be back before Thursday of next week to give yourselves a day of rest in the Academy, but you may have the days between then and when you submit your report,"_ I typed, and quickly added when the two cheered, _"but only if your report is well-drafted."_

"Will do!" Vaan cried as he did a quick backflip, which earned him a slap on the back of his head by his calmer but equally energetic partner. The young man grinned at me sheepishly, before he pulled Penelo with him out the door. "Thank you, Commander!"

Standing by the doorway and holding the door open, Selphie watched the two excited friends chatter about their upcoming vacation, before shaking her head and closing the door. Striding across the minimalistic office, my secretary took a seat in the chair across from me with a grace that normally didn't manifest in the bubbly woman. She had been my rock and support through the past year. The wise, mature, almost mother hen-like side of her had surged when I walked through my office door the first day after being cleared by my physical therapist of being capable to move without support. The brunette had dropped herself in the very seat she now occupied and stared at me. After nearly forty-minutes of my ignoring her and doing paperwork, she quickly rounded the table and wrapped me in an embrace the instant I looked at her. 

_"I won't ask what was going on, or what happened,"_ she had said. _"But I know something is wrong, and I need you to know that I love you to death and I will do whatever I can to help you out."_

True to her word, Selphie had been my bridge and defense from the outside world, fielding concerned questions from faculty and staff about my loss of voice, as well as reporters once they got wind of my awakening. Small in stature, Selphie Tilmitt was a force to be reckoned with, balancing people and information tactfully without knowing, or even caring, about the real reason behind my injuries. I was able to work in peace and quiet with minimal disruptions or questions, and for that I would be indebted to the brunette for years to come.

"That was nice of you," my secretary commented while studying her tablet, making a couple of notes without looking up at me. "You sure the extra two days of vacation won't affect the Vile Peaks mission?"

I shrugged. _'They will be fine. They need to learn time management, anyway.'_ I mouthed the words slowly for Selphie to understand, who nodded in return. Since learning of my loss of voice, the girl had enlisted Hope and Zell's help immediately to learn how to read lips, even after I mentioned the tablet would work just fine. For my comment, I received a glare and a lecture on how a tablet can never replace the true essence of speaking, and how she would not be shut off from my world because of her inability to read lips and sign. Why I deserved to have someone like Selphie I had no idea. 

Looking at what I would guess to be my calendar, Selphie began to inform me of my day. "Senator Seymour called, again, and insisted on having a conference with you, even if it's video. He refused to even begin discussing the budget for additional transport unless you meet with him, so I scheduled him for this afternoon at two." At my exasperated sigh, she reached over and patted me on the arm, smiling when I didn't flinch. "Your three o'clock debriefing with Cloud Strife would probably have been canceled, since there were reports of a storm in Yaschas Massif, so I went ahead and rescheduled the meeting to day after tomorrow. But I'll let you know once he gets back. Also, Instructor Trepe sent the latest rubric and instructions for the field exam, and she wanted you to approve it before she begins selecting instructors for it. Oh," stopping for a breather, she sipped on bottled water she brought in before continuing, "the latest cadet progress report was compiled, summarized and in your Inbox."

I glanced at my desktop display, wincing at the large file containing the progress report that I had to digest before the end of the week, and groaned inwardly. As the Commander, not only did I have to determine the grouping of the field exam to ensure safety and proper assessment, which means to know each cadet well enough through reports from different instructors, but I had to also design the field exam with enough challenges for all cadets and push them to the limit in order to determine their eligibility for Guardian status. It was the part of my job that was most tedious and painful. Receiving naught a sympathetic look from my secretary, she added salt to my wound without missing a beat, "Don't forget to give your recommendations to Instructor Trepe before next Friday so she can process them in time."

Glaring at my slave driver half-heartedly, I nodded my understanding and mimed a gesture of needing a lot of coffee between now and when I finish my work. The energetic woman giggled before closing her tablet and stood when I opened the rubric she mentioned earlier. Before she left for her own desk, she turned and said, "Oh, and Dean Katzroy called. He said dinner is at 7:30 tonight because he'd run a little late, and he's grilling steaks tonight."

There must have been something on my face at hearing the mouth-watering event, because Selphie giggled again before she closed my office door. For better or worse, since I lost my ability to speak, I began to rely on expressions to accompany my gestures and silent words to those close to me. While I could hardly replace Sazh or Snow in wearing their hearts on their sleeves, I was, quoting Director Estheim, "more human-like" now. It wasn't easy, displaying my emotions to let others detect them, even if I would trust my life with them. But without my beloved blade, I felt vulnerable and afraid, until I learned to rely on Hope and Sazh for support. The process was difficult for all of us, and I am forever indebted to the two men who tolerated my uncontrollable reactions and were still willing and patient with me. 

Despite spending three months with Fang and Vanille, upon awakening everything was a challenge. For weeks I would flinch from Hope and Sazh if they were remotely close in proximity, and passed out from hyperventilation from Sazh trying to hug me when I first awoke. Frazzled and confused, the poor man had a pained look in his eyes when I came to, standing as far away from me as possible without losing visual contact. He fidgeted and scratched his hair in vain while Dr. Kadowaki, the official physician of the Academy, tended to me. After the plump woman helped my weakened body settle onto the sofa and left, I asked Hope to share the details of my attack with the man who, on rare occasions, I view as an older brother. Sazh was absolutely livid when Hope finished his summary of the attack, which was to be expected. His declaration of my being family to him and that he would be by my side while I get through this difficult time was heartwarming, and it felt good to know that I wasn't alone.

The downside, much to my annoyance, I now had two men who vowed to be my personal protectors, as if I was some damsel in distress. Really, whatever gave them that idea?

A relief, however, was when Sazh supported my decision of not seeing Dr. Sid until I decided I was ready. While never relaying the details of my time with the two Pulsian women, Hope and Sazh knew enough about their role in my recovery that they allowed me to continue my work as the Commander, though they unanimously agreed that I was on desk duty until further notice. Although cures and potions had mended broken bones and lacerated muscles, the months of bed rest had weakened my body significantly. Even when I wanted to return to work by the third day, I didn't have the stamina to even walk through the entire physical exam, which gave Hope the perfect excuse for locking me in my own apartment for a week. The Director was insistent on physical therapy, which ended up being two weeks of intense sessions followed by weekly visits for the next year. The fact that my wrists gave out within a minute after lifting Omega Weapon was frustrating, and it wasn't until the past couple of weeks that I have been able to begin training at the Training Center, where either Sazh or Hope must accompany me to watch my back. 

Then again, I think they enjoyed treating me like a delicate flower a little too much. I look forward to the day I can prove otherwise again.

I wonder what Snow will say, when he sees how I have changed since he left? 

Will he still... care... like he did before?

My mood darkening, I laid my head down on the glass desktop, the drive to go through files and paperwork evaporated. Touching my lips, I thought about the feeling of his stubbled chin tickling my digits when he kissed my fingers. The warm breaths tickling my skin and the soft words he spoke, the promise he gave. Never had anyone ignited such heartwrenching, burning sensations inside me, and even a year later, it still felt like he held my hand in his, the touch always lingered. 

What would I do, if he never came back? Or, rather, he does come back, only to say his feelings have changed?

What if he still wants Serah?

Distressed, I banged my forehead on my desk a couple of times, hoping the dull pain would wipe away such selfish thoughts. Of course I would be happy if he still wanted Serah - someone pure and innocent deserves him. Despite the numerous showers, the feeling of filth and taint remained, and I've come to accept the fact that they will always be there. Snow shouldn't have to bear my cross. Besides, things would be the same as before - I would be content with the two people that I love happy together - and that should be enough for me. So long as Serah and Snow are happy, I should be happy. It would be greedy of me to want more.

Shaking my head furiously to clear any thoughts of the blonde, I turned to put on the oversized bomber jacket that draped over the back of my chair. A permanent outer layer for the past year, I sighed when I slipped my arms through the large sleeves, and tightened the jacket close around me in a self-embrace. Stopping just past my ass, the bomber jacket was almost a short coat on me, with the ridiculous N.O.R.A emblem on the back that had turned many curious eyes when I first began wearing it around campus. Inhaling the scent of generic detergent that I obtained after breaking into Snow's dorm room, I allowed myself a momentary reprieve and felt the dark thoughts slowly ebb away to the deeper part of my subconscious, dormant until future hysterics. While I suppose the good doctor could give me tips and strategies to be rid of the negative, pathetic thoughts, I simply had no motivation to visit him, dreading the "How do you do"s and the forced talking. Really, I've heard all there is to it about my "condition" that I really don't need to explain my feelings to a practical stranger just to "get healed". I can handle myself, despite what Hope, Sazh, and sometimes even Selphie think. The thought that I was simply waiting for Snow to return and accompany me to revisit the darkest part of my life had never crossed my mind, and I'd like to keep believing that.

Refocusing my mind on the desktop screen in front of me, I allowed the images of the man that occupied my dreams of late to be overtaken by the burden of responsibility once again. Regardless of what my personal woes might be, life must continue on, and work will never cease. Perhaps if I tire myself from work, I can have a fulfilling dream starring a certain blonde tonight.

* * *

[Snow]

Exiting the cab, I emptied my pocket of the rest of the gil on my person, before picking up the luggage that sat on the curb. Hours past midnight, the illuminating public gateway had already shut off to give the citizens of Academia much needed peace and quiet, while stranding late returning Academy personnel like me at the train station. I had to walk a good mile or two before finding my cab driver asleep at the wheel, who was none too thrilled about taking me for such a long distance until I promised to give him all the gil I had. Sure, I could have simply checked into a nearby hotel or found a 24-hour cafe and waited for the sun to come up, but thoughts of a certain Commander would drive me crazy with the need to see her if I did.

Clutching the thin, government-issued tablet in my hand, I stared at the imposing structure ahead of me that felt more like home than the peanut-shaped Farron house in Cocoon. While limited in my communication with anyone from the Academy, I was ready to bolt for the train station and catch a returning ride when Hope told me that Light had woken up from her sleep after arriving at Cocoon. Physically restrained by Nida and reprimanded by Hope, I made the young Director promise to keep me updated with Light's progress in her struggles to return to normal life. It broke my heart when I learned about her mute status, but I was rest assured after speaking with the residential shrink that, if Light agrees to see him, there would be a way to help the Commander regain her ability to speak. Knowing the stubborn woman, I promised Dr. Sid that his request takes priority on my list of to-dos when I return. With some understanding of her condition, studying lip-reading and sign language had occupied all of my free time when I was not assisting my counsel. Luckily, Cocoon had more books on every subject compared to Pulse, which made my research and study that much easier.

My studiousness also got me a pair of reading glasses, unfortunately. Even though I should be paid to wear these lenses because of how good I make them look, if I may say so myself, I still feel an odd mixture of love and embarrassment when I have to take them out to read anything. Nida certainly had some fun teasing me about it, blaming the need for eyewear on old age. 

Striding down the familiar hallways, I let the hum of machinery that seemed nonexistent during the day, but more pronounced in the quietness of night wash over me. My boots clicking on the prestine floor, I sidestepped a cleaning robot when it zipped past me. The fifteen floors up to the executive quarters might as well be a trek around Pulse, and I took several deep breaths to still the racing heart that threatened to bounce out of me if I don't see Light right now. Pausing in front of the familiar non-descript door, I pressed my thumb on the scanner, the beep that granted me entrance brought a giddy smile to my face. 

Dropping my luggage by the door, my eyes gazed around the clean and organized minimalistic apartment. Nothing seemed to have changed since I left, though the sight of my bomber jacket draping over the arm of the sofa piqued my curiosity. Filing that away for later investigation, I crossed the living room and walked straight to the closed room that separated my obsession and myself. Opening the door as quietly as possible, I felt I could finally breathe when I saw the shadowed figure sleeping on the bed with her back towards me. I watched the rise and fall of her chest, her pink hair pooled loosely on the white sheets, dark almost like ink, that looked so much more tantalizing without the hairband that she used to keep it tamed over her shoulder. Noticing that she was only wearing a thin-strapped tank top with the blanket down below her waist, I chastised the pretty Commander in my mind for the possibility of her catching a cold this way. Shaking my head, I approached the sleeping beauty. 

Pulling the blanket higher, I paused momentarily when Light stirred. Turning, my gorgeous Light unfurled from the ball she had made of herself, and I marveled at the serene, relaxed expression on her porcelain face. A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips, and before I thought I was ready, deep sapphire eyes locked onto mine with soft warmth. A satiny hand reached up and cupped a side of my cheek, my eyes widened at the most brilliant smile I've ever seen the Commander bestow upon me. I couldn't help but stare, my eyes only moved to her pouty lips when they parted to whisper my name. 

"You're back," Light breathed, her hand brushing against my stubble. "I missed you."

"I missed you too," I replied, my voice sounded loud in the quiet bedroom. 

The supple hand slid from my cheek to wrap around my neck, and suddenly I found velvety lips pressed against mine. I inhaled sharply, my eyes probably wide as saucers, until the pressure left. Light made a soft whimper before our lips met again, and she pulled away, frowning at me in confusion, silently asking why I wasn't joining her. Realizing this tantalizing warrior had no idea what a proper kiss was, I gave into my desire and crushed my lips to hers before she could get too far away. Tongue tracing her lips to imprint their shape in my mind, I swallowed her hitched breath and took advantage of the parted lips. Finally tasting her for the first time, I took my time and savored the sweet flavor that could only be Light. Coaxing the shy and inexperienced Commander, the first touch of tongue sent shivers down my spine. Supporting myself with my hands pressed down on the bed on both sides of her pillow, I moaned in delight of dreams coming true. Maker, if I'm still sleeping on the train, please don't let me wake up.

When breathing became difficult for both Light and I, we parted, panting. Her eyes closed sometime during the kiss, but she kept them half-lidded as pink tongue darted out to lick her lips sensually. I stared incredulously, blood leaving my brain and went straight to my groin, making my pants suddenly too tight for comfort. I shifted, trying to put some distance between the alluring woman beneath me and my obvious erection so I don't frighten my beloved. A cold shower definitely on the horizon, I couldn't help myself and pressed my hand to her delicate face, thumbing the skin underneath her right eye while I studied her adorable expression. Placing a kiss on her forehead, I started to push myself away from her with great reluctance. 

Sinewy fingers tightened around my shirt so that I nearly lost my balance before I was wrenched forward. Hands on my chest almost frantically, I felt more than heard the buttons on my shirt popped off and land somewhere in the room. Before I could react, lithe body pressed up against me, and I couldn't help but wrap my arms around her, my eyes closed as I inhaled the rosy scent of her shampoo. I tried to not pay attention to the taut nipples pressed against my bare chest, but it was difficult to think clearly when I had the woman of my dreams in my arms, now kissing any available skin she could access from her position. Her actions could almost be non-sexual, just strings of kisses that held a tone of innocence to them, but it turned me on nonetheless, almost painfully. Before I could pull away, sapphire eyes locked onto mine again, the desire and passion inside undeniable, "You promised."

"Light...?" I asked, trying to clear away the lustful cloud in my brain. 

"You promised."

I swallowed thickly, "What did I promise, Light?" 

Light nibbled her lower lip, an action that nearly sends me over the edge of desire. I tightened the sheets beneath my fingers, breathing heavily while I waited for her answer. It seemed like eternity before my Goddess finally responded, "You promised to wash away their touch..."

I nearly fainted from the whimpering plea. "W... What?" 

Pushing herself up from the bed, Light captured my lips with hers again, whispering before she sealed the kiss, "Take me... Let me feel you instead of them..."

Overwhelmed by the need in her voice, I ignored the logical question in the back of my mind that Light wasn't making any sense and her speech seemed slurred, and closed the distance between our lips. Deepening the kiss, I guided the pliant body in my arms back onto the bed, pausing only to pull the tank top off of her. Smooth under my ministrations, Light blushed when I stared at her plump breasts and perky nipples. I was simply stunned by the sight of the beauty lying beneath me with only her panties on. Stared for too long, Light crossed her arms to cover herself and shifted uncomfortably. Even though I've seen her naked body every day for three months, the fact that she was awake, willing and sexual made the sight all the more enticing. I bend down to kiss the soft lips again, licking and exploring her mouth while gently pushing her hand away, taking a breast and kneading with my hand. She moaned into my kiss beautifully, arching into the touch. Taking a nipple in my fingers, I trailed my kiss from her lips and along her jaw, before I took an earlobe and suckled on the tender flesh. 

"S... Snow..." Light gasped, her legs curving as I assaulted the sensitive skin behind her ear. Her deft hands massaged my shoulders before pushing my trenchcoat and buttonless shirt off with one move, then nimble fingers entangled in my hair. I groaned at the sensual touch, and I responded with sucking underneath angular chin, making sure to mark my Goddess. I continued marking the whimpering Light, pausing when my lips arrived at where her l'Cie mark used to be in front of her heart, that I was fortunate enough to glimpse once in the past. Nipping the tender flesh between her breasts, I couldn't help but mark it repeatedly until Light... no, Claire, writhed delectably. 

Claire. My Claire.

Trailing away the bruising skin with my tongue, I eventually took the other nipple into my mouth, licking the nub before sucking it softly. The gasps and moans resounding from my beloved tingled my spine and made my pants too tight for any tolerance. Sensing my discomfort, dexterous fingers reached down and began unbuckling my belt. I managed to wiggle out of my jeans without pulling my lips away from sweet, pert nipple, earning myself another sweet whimper. 

With her fingers in my hair once more, I sighed in contentment and showered kisses on her chest before taking in the other nipple. I shifted slightly, my hand trailed down the smooth and willing body beneath me. Taking note of the places that caused the stoic Commander's breath to hitch, I made sure to commit them to memory for future exploration. Right now, I just want to be inside her, despite my noble intention of going slow just in case she wakes up and pushes me away. My hand stopped when I felt the elastic waistband of her white panties, unsure if I should give into my lust and risk losing the chance to love the woman forever. 

"...Snow?" intense blue sapphires on me, I looked up when Light drew me up to her. Pouty lips captured mine, amazing me with how quickly the Commander learned to kiss as tongue entwined with mine and drew me into her sweet mouth. Distracted, I didn't notice until my fingers pressed against the hot folds of her entrance, my beloved Goddess suddenly took control, simply gripping my wrist to keep my hand there without any hesitation or confusion about her needs. Breaking the kiss, I stared down at Light, my eyes roaming her delicate face composed of beauty and strength, silently asking for permission. The exquisite Commander smiled, her eyes dark with fervor, fear, and determination. Parting her legs, she completely unraveled me with her words, "I want you inside me, Snow..."

"Maker, Light..." I growled, my lips crushing hers in a bruising kiss. Pulling off her panties swiftly, I nearly rip the small article of clothing before inserting a finger into her wet depths. Finding the nub easily, I rolled the sensitive flesh, swallowing the gasps and whimpers expertly with my kiss. Inclined to give my innocent nymph an orgasm first before pushing myself inside, I alternated between rubbing her clit and pushing my digit in and out of her. Adding another finger, I trailed my kisses down her neck, her moans and whimpers fill the room beautifully. Ignoring my aching need, I paid close attention to how she reacted to my touches, stilling whenever she stiffened, and hovering over her when fear suddenly clouded her eyes. Claire visibly relaxed every time she looked at me, and I in turn thrust my fingers or toyed with her clitoris until she gracefully arched her trembling body. She came, thrusting her hips onto my hand and crying out my name. Absolutely breathtaking. 

Collapsing back onto the bed, I watched Light intently while she caught her breath, an exquisite blush covered her pale skin. I couldn't help but kiss her again, positioning myself at her entrance. Seeking out her eyes, I nearly came prematurely when she pushed herself onto me, the tip slipped into the tight canal and searing heat enveloped my hard cock. I growled and bit down on the mark I was working on her neck, and heard something I never thought possible - my Goddess giggling. 

"You'll be the death of me," I whispered in Claire's ear as I pushed in slowly. She moaned, her hand tightened around my arm, the slight tremor easy to miss had I not been careful. Sucking on an earlobe, I breathed huskily, "It's me, Light. It's okay." 

She relaxed slightly at my words, enough to let me enter her another inch, and I repeated my words every time I pressed in, until I was completely sheathed inside of her. I panted in wait for Claire to adjust, knowing that I wasn't exactly small in size. Her nails dug into my arm, she took several deep breaths before nodding, granting me permission to move. Slowly, I took great pains to try to control my movements, rocking in and out of her tight body that seemed reluctant to let go each time I was deep inside. 

"A... ah... Sn... Snow..." Claire moaned. Her grip tightened, she quickly found a way to drive me insane by rocking back with me, making it difficult for me to keep the slow pace. As if sensing my dilemma, I soon found myself lost in shy, half-lidded azure eyes filled with the same lust and desire I felt. "Don't hold back...."

"You'll get hurt," I tried to reason, and grunted when she pushed herself onto me, hard. "Light..."

"Do it."

I grinned at her authoritative tone, feeling sweat dripping onto her breast. "Yes, ma'am."

From then on all seemed a blur when I gave into my carnal needs, spreading her legs and wrapping them around my waist as I pumped deep, full and hard within her. Claire kept her eyes on my face while she moved against me, the sounds she voiced so erotic and sweet. It wasn't long before she let out a lustful cry of my name, her vaginal walls tightened and pulsed unbelievably around me as she reached her second orgasm. I growled loudly, burying myself deep into her body in climax, releasing inside and claiming her completely. 

Moving so I could lie down without crushing her, I shifted only enough to lie on my side, while keeping my appeased Commander in my arms and my dick inside her. Claire whimpered softly, then adjusted her head to find a comfortable position, one of her legs draped over my thigh before she sighed in contentment. Since she had not complained about my reluctance to leave her body, I wrapped my arm tightly around her slender waist, pressing her to me and unwilling to let go. By the time I satisfied my need to snuggle with my divine lover, I found Claire had already drifted back to sleep. Wondering if she was actually awake during our intercourse or dreaming about me (could it be?), I decided to properly love her and shower her with pleasure again tomorrow, and forever in the future.

* * *

[Lightning]

"Mmnh..." Stirring, I threw my arm across from my bed to grab a pillow, and covered my face to block out the annoying sunlight that snuck through the curtains. I turned, and moaned out loud when sudden soreness shot through my spine from my nether region. Opening my eyes to the darkness thanks to the pillow on my face, I frowned while tossing the thing aside. Momentarily dazed, I tried to recall what I did yesterday that warranted such soreness from my lower back and my vagina. When I eventually remembered the vivid dream I had last night, I felt the air get suddenly too hot. While it wasn't the first time I have dreams of Snow, they first started with him pulling the men off of me, and for the last couple of weeks they had been of him making love to me, never had the dreams been so lucid and real. I wondered what my subconscious was trying to tell me, but I certainly enjoyed the dreams until the reality of a cold bed and lonely apartment came crashing down.

Sitting up slowly, I winced when my back complained with a couple of cracks. With the comforter sliding down my chest, I blinked in confusion at my naked body, shivering in the cold morning air. Rubbing the goosebumps away from my arms, I wracked my brain trying to recall if I had slept with or without my clothes last night. It wouldn't be the first time I have fallen asleep after overworking myself in the office and had just enough stamina to get back to the apartment and take a shower. 

Getting up slowly, I had to grab onto the nightstand when my legs nearly gave out, and I hissed while trying to straighten myself. Pulling open my dresser angrily, I grabbed panties and an oversized sweatshirt I stole from Snow's dorm. Dressed, I placed the lightning bolt amulet and Snow's gift around my neck, a habit since he left. Walking to my half-covered door, the hearty scent of food finally struck my senses. Knowing Hope had been away in Neo-Sanctum, I wondered if the young Director had arrived back early and decided to have breakfast together. Tugging the huge sweatshirt to make sure it covers everything I needed it to, I smiled when my fingers pulled on the sleeves that tend to pool around my wrists, just enough to make it inconvenient yet endearing. 

Even without being here, Snow still found a way to remind me of his presence.

Walking into the living room, my steps slowed to a stop, my eyes widened at the baritone humming some off-key tune. Blinking away the sudden moisture that blurred my vision, I couldn't take my eyes off of the back of the tall blonde busied over the sizzling stove. Dressed only in jeans, the half-naked man did a fancy flip of the knife before he began to chop something on the cutting board. Slowly approaching, I feared the enigma would disappear if I made a sound, I made it to the counter behind Snow before the man sensed my presence. Turning, he studied me fondly, and I couldn't help but notice the flour on the tip of his nose from the pancake he's making. Crossing the steps that separated us, I couldn't tear my eyes away while reaching up to wipe away the smudge. Once my finger touched his skin, I couldn't pull away from the warmth, my other hand joined to cup his chin. Mesmerized by the emotion in his cerulean eyes, I rolled on the balls of my feet and captured his lips. The soft lips pliant, I sighed in contentment when I confirmed the man whose arms were wrapped around my waist was not an illusion. He parted his lips when my tongue probed, and I felt a hand support my head as I delved in. Tasting the sweetness of sugar and blueberries, I couldn't help but smile when I touched a sensitive spot that made the man thrust forward, his erection clearly pressed against me.

"You're real..." I whispered, pulling away just enough so I can look at him. His eyes lidded, I wondered how a man can have such long eyelashes that somehow didn't make him look feminine at all. His stubble tickled my chin, sending waves of desire coursing through my body. "You're really here..."

Eyes finally open to look at me filled with desire and guilt, "Claire, I..."

Before he could voice his senseless apologies, I pressed my lips to his, biting his lower lip in retaliation. He moaned as I pulled away, and when he tried to apologize again, I silenced him with another kiss. Addicted to the taste, I sucked on his tongue until we both ran out of air before we finally parted, our breaths quickened. He traced my features with his finger, making my eyes flutter shut when I felt him drawing across and brushing against my skin titillatingly. When the digit pressed against my lips, I pulled it in and suckled on it, licking the residual breakfast ingredients off. He groaned loudly, before crushing my hips against his erection while he bit down on my neck. "Maker, Claire..."

"Was last night... real?" I asked, my body shivered from hearing my real name on his lips. I never knew the sound of my name could be so beautiful.

Snow nodded, his wild hair tickling me. "Yes. Claire, I'm so sorry, I---"

"Did you not like it?" I asked, suddenly afraid that, since Snow had some time to think it over, he'd realized that I wasn't enjoyable to be with. That had to be it; why else would he be apologizing? Since he had more experience, he could definitely compare me with others, and someone with my history had to be digusting and---

"Stop," a hard shake shook me out of my panic, and I looked up at Snow, whose hands now gripped my arms almost to the point of pain. Stern eyes bore into mine, the man struggled to find his words before he spoke again. "It wasn't the most exciting sex, no, but it was the most fulfilling."

I tilted my head in confusion, not understanding what he meant by 'fulfilling'. How could it not be exciting, but at the same time good? Snow softened his expression with an exasperated smile. "Because I finally got to be with you, silly," he said. Leaning in to whisper in my ear, he added, "And as for exciting... I do plan on teaching you so many things, my little nymph."

Feeling my cheeks burn, I bit my lower lip to refrain from commenting on the nickname. Hearing a sharp intake of breath, I barely registered his descent before lips were on mine again, pressing and imploring for permission. Parting my lips, I surrendered to him while our tongues entangled, he caressed sensitive points I didn't know I had. Hands on my ass, he kneaded the flesh as I rocked against him, his jeans never annoyed me as they do now.

I was powerless when strong hands suddenly lifted me up so high that my legs wrapped around thick waist in instinct. He chuckled, the reverberations quickening my heart, and he pulled away only to nibble on my jaw hungrily. Feeling his cock pressed hard against my clothed entrance, I blushed when I heard him turn off the stove before heading back to the bedroom. 

"Since you questioned whether or not I enjoyed you..." He growled, his voice thick and heavy, "I guess I'll just have to show you just how much power you have over me." 

***  
Bundled in the oversized shirt that Snow had peeled off of me earlier, I sunk deeper into the sofa while the man resumed his task in the kitchen, now making lunch instead of breakfast. I watched Snow's busy form with a grin that I couldn't contain, the memory of my first mention of hunger after our orgasm in bed still fresh in my mind, along with his crestfallen expression when he asked me if I was hinting at his performance by wanting sausages when he was still inside me. Maker above, it was really an innocent request.

The subsequent shower after we thoroughly broke in the bed was anything but innocent. When I found myself too weak-kneed to stand, I growled at Snow and demanded that he put me on the sofa before making my lunch. The man was only too happy to oblige. 

Reaching over to grab the remote control, I dialed Selphie's desk, even though a small corner of my television screen was already blinking with voice mail. The bubbly woman's face appeared on the screen before the second ring, and her voice was two octaves above normal in nervousness. "Oh Maker! Light! Are you okay? What happened?! You didn't come in, you didn't call, you didn't even text! I left four messages!! Maker fal'Cie up above, you better explain yourself, Commander! I knocked on your door and no one answered, so did Director Estheim and Dean Sazhoy. Where were you?!"

When Selphie finally stopped to take a breath, I chuckled at my red-faced secretary, "Take messages for all non-emergency calls, and reroute all emergencies to Hope and Sazh," taking a glance at the very amused Snow who signed _'two days minimum'_ , I added, "I'm not coming in today and tomorrow."

As she was unable to form a reply in her shocked state, probably from my first leave of vacation in five years and the fact that I'm talking, I disconnected the phone, promptly deleted all four messages and locked the phone to silence. I looked over at Snow, who now faced me while chopping vegetables, and it dawned on me that he used the correct sign language. Testing the blonde out, I signed in curiosity, _'What are you making?'_

_'Pesto penne and minestrone soup,'_ he signed back, his grin broad with proud excitement at my wide-eyed expression. When I stared at him incredulously for too long, he laughed softly, "I had too much time in Cocoon."

_'Liar,'_ I signed, feeling my ears heating slightly. Hope asked me when I woke whether it was okay for him to tell Snow about my status, and I didn't want to hold anything back from the blonde. It wasn't a reach to know why the man learned to sign - an elective skill for me in the Corps - and that knowledge sent a tingling, warm sensation throughout my body. Not lust, it simply made my lips curl upwards uncontrollably, and I sank deeper into the large sweatshirt to hide what must be the most ridiculous look on my face. Suddenly, it was so difficult to be "Lightning", the soldier seemed embarrassed and hid herself deep within me for the first time in over a decade, and I was almost afraid of the elation I was feeling. It almost seemed... sinful to be this euphoric.

Taking several deep breaths to calm myself, I almost missed Snow's words informing me that lunch would be ready in thirty minutes. The remote still in my hands, I idly flipped through the channels, my mind thinking of everything and nothing for the moment. My eyes eventually rested on the thin tablet that's meant for one-time use, standard government issue for important documents, on the coffee table. Picking up the tablet, I thumbed through the document, and my giddiness died almost instantly when I recognized the divorce decree. While knowing that was the reason Snow was in Cocoon for the past year, it pained me to be reminded of the fact that my paradise was built on Serah's broken heart and marriage. How could I be so blissful when my little sister had just lost so much? 

Frantic, I dialed the cellphone number that I committed to memory, biting my lower lip in worry while I waited for the line to connect. The harsh beep was alarming, followed by the computer-generated voice apologizing for the number being no longer in service. After trying the house number and getting the same result, I leapt from my seat, ignoring the complaint of my legs, and grabbed my cellphone from my nightstand. Ignoring the concerned Snow who watched my every move, I began to dial the numbers of Serah's friends in Cocoon, the ones that I managed to cajole out of my sister after six months of living apart for the first time in our lives.

By the time I tried to dial the fourth person, my heart was already at my throat. The first two had picked up, and hung up once I identified myself. The third girl took a little longer, cursing out a "bitch" before hanging up. I could hardly be angry at the rude treatment that was only just, and simply prayed that I would be able to at least talk to Serah, or relay the message, with the final number that I had. The apartment seemed eerily silent save for the dial tone, and suddenly, a large woman's face filled the screen, complete with overzealous, clown-like make-up.

"Quina?" I asked, my first reaction was alarm at how red the plump woman's face was, and the bloodshot eyes. I immediately question the sobriety of the woman, and how early it seemed to be drinking already. Trying to keep my voice level and non-commanding, I tried to discern the whereabouts of my sister. "Quina, do you know where Serah is? The house and her cell are both disconnected."

The chef with odd make-up laughed, her head tossed back and her voice sharp and grating through the vidphone. I narrowed my eyes when Quina turned to look somewhere off the screen, and she screeched, "Hey, Serah! Your slut sister is lookin' for ya!"

I took a deep breath to clear my head while the chef continued to berate me with words while trying to convince Serah to come to the phone, if only to get rid of me. The screen images shook as the phone changed hands, and I felt tears stung behind my eyes when my little sister, who I hadn't seen in over a year, came on the screen. "Serah..."

"Whaddaya want?" she slurred, and I was on the edge of my seat already. Was she drinking? Was she okay? And why was she in a pub so early in the day? 

Biting my tongue against the urge to chastise her behavior, I raked in the image of my beloved sister hungrily. Her hair was longer, she styled it gracefully which was different than the youthful ponytail I was used to, though a few strands had strayed in her inebriated state. Immaculate make-up made her skin look flawless, she appeared like a porcelain doll crafted by a master ceramist. Yet her bloodshot eyes and bags underneath besmirched her perfect visage, exposing the wounded soul that currently glared at me with such hatred that my skin crawled. Maker, is this my Serah?

"Serah?" I started, afraid to startle perhaps myself more than her. At a loss for words, I asked the only thing on my mind that seemed mundane, but encompassed so much. "Are you all right?"

She scoffed mockingly, "All right?! Am I all right?! Gee, Sis, I don't know, how would you feel if I stole your husband, huh?"

"I... I didn't..." Not intentionally. Never. But how could I explain last night and this morning? Or the dreams I had of Snow?

Serah sneered at me, the disdain like a dagger piercing through the screen and into my soul. I suddenly realized how idiotic it was to call her, but I couldn't just let it go and ignore her pain. It was a sin for me to bear. "Serah, I'm... I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it, Claire," she spat my name, making me cringe. "You're a lying whore who couldn't find a man if you wanted, so you went and steal other people's man. Well, you know what? Screw you and screw him! You can have that good for nothing son of a bitch," she paused, and I could hear laughter in the background cheering her on. 

"Serah, don't say that. You're not like this..." I whispered, and I could hear the tremor in my voice. Did I change my pure, innocent sister into this? How could I? What have I done?

"Tch," she leered with contempt. "What do you know about me, oh great Commander of the Academy? You know what, Claire? Why don't you do us all a favor and just go die somewhere? Go to hell and don't bother callin' again, I don't wanna see your pathetic face anymore." With that, she disconnected, the screen flashed in grey before going pitch black completely. 

I stared at the vidphone, too stunned to move. Never had I heard such language from Serah. Her words stung - what do I know about her? Aside from her good grades, the name of her school, what did I really know about my little sister? I don't even know the names of her teachers or friends, let alone her thoughts, beliefs, or passions. It's my fault, it's all my fault, I turned her into hate...

"Hey," I jumped when the sofa dipped, and a strong arm wrapped around my shoulders. A hand wiped away the tears that fell unbeknownst, intense cerulean eyes looked into mine. Thumb on my lips to silence, Snow asked, his voice deep and serious, "Do you trust me, Claire?"

The question sent chills down my spine, and I couldn't breathe. Relentless, he asked again, "Do you believe my words?"

"Always."

Snow gave me a small smile, and took my hands into his. Drawing circles on the backs of my hands with his thumbs, he contemplated before speaking, "Serah and my marriage would've been over, whether you were involved or not. If I were to pinpoint, I'd say our marriage was doomed the day I arrived back here at Pulse. Maybe, I don't know, if Serah came to Pulse...

"Were you a factor? Yes, absolutely. But you weren't the main reason. You just accelerated the process. Actually," he scoffed, "having you reciprocate... That was a pleasant surprise." 

I felt my face flush when he kissed the back of my hand, and silence surrounded us briefly before he continued. "Serah was right about one thing - you didn't know her. Hell, I didn't know her, not as well as I thought I did."

"Snow..."

He shook his head, "I didn't want to admit it at first, but it's hard to not notice. I won't go into details - you don't need to know that - but what you witnessed was a side of her that neither of us has seen until recently. And that was before I came to Pulse." 

When I didn't respond, he sighed and pulled me into his arms. "Give her some time, Claire. She'll come around, you're sisters, after all."

I must have looked pathetic when Snow leaned in for a kiss, and I clinged to him, burying my face in the crook of his neck. I knew that he wasn't lying, but he didn't sound convincing. Nodding, I closed my eyes, letting the soothing rub of my back calm my fear, too afraid to think of the alternatives.

**\--- _To Be Continued_**   


* * *

**Author's Note:** After the long extra-long chapter previous, it was interesting when I thought this chapter was much shorter, only to find out it was still a lengthy one. At least my beta is used to it by now, heh. 

One of the reviewers had mentioned about my interpretation of Serah being completely OOC and unfathomable, and I felt it was a legitimate concern. I already addressed this issue on my site, but I want to restate here, since I can tell that many have the same questions about my treatment of the little sister. _"I do understand your frustration and disbelief of why Serah is behaving that way – in fact, that is exactly what I want my readers to feel as they go on this journey with Lightning and Snow. I can understand why you feel this fic is going into a Serah-bashing fic; I probably gave the wrong impression by prefacing it in my first chapter when I mentioned that I didn’t care for Serah as a character. However, let me assure you that there is a reason I am portraying Serah the way I am, and it is not for bashing purposes. As each chapter begins with the warning, this fic does NOT take FFXIII-2 into consideration whatsoever at all... I’m trying to be subtle until I reveal it later in the story."_ (if you wish to read the whole response, again, please head over to my website *wink*)

Once again, thank you for all the lovely reviews and offers of help for chapter 6! Despite a hectic month, I was able to have a good outline for the chapter and solidify the ending of the story. Super excited! Please keep the reviews coming - they are the food for my writer soul! XD 


	6. Sixth Movement

**_Disclaimer:_** Final Fantasy XIII and its respected characters are the property of Square Enix, Inc. This is a work of fanfiction, and no profit has or will be made off of the work. By stating this disclaimer, I refuse to be hold liable of violating copyrights.

**_Warning(?):_** This work features the pairing of Snow x Light, and contains adult situations in the future. The game only takes place in Final Fantasy XIII and will not consider XIII-2 at all. The story was actually conceptualized before XIII-2, but since there are elements that coincidentally collided, I just borrowed the names. ^^

* * *

_"When prayers turn to promises, not even fate can stand in their way."_

Lacrimosa

Hieru Youko

_Sixth Movement_  
December 2013

[Lightning]

Blocking the hard kick barely in time, I grunted when the large brute sent me flying at least a good three feet before I dug my heels into the ground. Panting, I looked up at the blonde, his eyes burning in desire to close the distance between us and deliver more damage than the defensive kick. I stood, schooling my expression while I tried to ignore the stress my movement caused my body, and readied my stance. Intense azure studied me, and suddenly gloved hands holding a large training pad lowered. 

Snow shook his head at me, "No more."

"I can take it!" I argued, tightening my fists as I glared at the man. 

"It's been two hours, Claire," he reasoned, setting the oversized mittens on the ground, signaling the end of the training session with a resolute finality. Hissing under my breath, I dashed forward, determined to wipe the insufferable smile he had on his lips off. My punch missed, and the world went dark for a moment, before I felt the strong arm around my waist. Looking up in a daze, the only thing that made any sense was cerulean eyes frowning in concern before I realized that my feet weren't touching the ground. I scowled at the blonde for lifting me into his arms as he began walking to the resting area of the Elite Training Center, but after being promptly ignored, I rested my head against the firm shoulder in a huff of resignation. The walk was a quiet one. With no synthetic fiends blocking our way, we eventually made it to the room with a wall of lockers, assortment of benches and sofa, a wall-mounted television set, and a shower room in a far corner, a privilege only available for the select few allowed in the Elite Training Center. When it came time to design proper training areas within the Academy, a decision was ultimately made to have three training areas for different skill sets. Low Training Center was used for class demonstrations for greenhorn cadets, Advanced Training Center often housed graduated Guardians looking to hone their skills, and Elite Training Center was reserved for those that fought through the war since general fiends would no longer be challenging enough. While technically open to all who had access, Snow managed to convince me to abuse my power as the Commander to preserve our privacy when we trained. Since his return, the man had become my exclusive sparring partner while I worked to regain my stamina and strength, and monitored my progress with expertise, adjusting different routines when he saw fit. How the man became adept at swordsmanship and gunblade within a year baffled me. Unfortunately, my physical therapist agreed with him, which meant my beloved blade continued to elude my grasp. 

Snow walked directly to the lounge chair in the corner, and gently deposited his cargo onto the chair. Immediately I hated this favorite chair of mine, the cushion and pillows too comfortable for my liking. A gift from Hope, it was generally left alone after Snow made it known that not touching the chair was an excellent idea. Such an obsessive idiot. 

The burning desire to train for another two hours lost, I sighed, adjusting on the chair while Snow returned from his designated locker and sat down by my feet. 

"Here." Handed a bottle of his most recent creation, I squinted at the oddly-colored concoction. "Sip on this while I go retrieve our gear." When I took the bottle, he stood, but not before casting a warning glare at me, "Slowly."

I watched the large man walk out of the room, fighting the desire to stick my tongue out at his overprotectiveness. Sipping the juice slowly as instructed, I relaxed with my eyes closed in bliss, the drink both sweet and tangy with an aroma that I did not recognize. It wasn't until three sips later that my body began to complain about the excessive training regime I've forced myself to undergo this afternoon. While declared physically well, my strength and speed still had not returned to the conditions of the past, which frustrated me to no end. Omega Weapon sat in my apartment on its stand, and I was only allowed to clean it three times the past week. The fact I still could not wield my trusted blade irritated me endlessly, even though I understood the pointlessness in carrying the weapon without the ability to use it properly. The lack of my blade by my side was the last sign of my weakness, and my fingers twitched every time I felt my body unbalanced from the absence of my holster and weapon on my hip. 

I glared at the almost-invisible wounds on my wrists, wishing I could will my body restored to its previous strength. While finally viewing the entire ordeal as a challenge that Fate decided to throw my way for shits and giggles, I found myself asking the mythical fal'Cie why couldn't they just love me a little less and let me blend into the background amidst millions of faceless humans so I could finally enjoy some peace in life.

The door hissed when Snow came back with the practice blades and cushioned gloves in hand. He smiled at my obedience in resting on the lounge chair, and began putting the practice gear into the cleaning machine. Finished with the settings, the soft hum filled the small room while he strode over to retake his seat by my legs. Shifting, I turned to my side and curved around his larger body, finding my own amusement with the ease of him resting against me. I watched his physique with appreciation, my eyes inevitably drawn to certain parts of him that attracted me throughout the day. Each day I find a different attraction, and today it was the way his shoulder connected to his neck perfectly, the tanned muscles glistened with sweat were absolutely fascinating. 

"Did you like it?" his question interrupted my thoughts, and it took me another longing minute before I could tear my eyes away from my obsession and look into mesmerizing blues filled with amusement. It only took me another two seconds to figure out that he meant the drink in my hand, though I wouldn't doubt he was asking about his body as well. 

"... ..." I shrugged, taking another large sip of the sweet drink for my answer. 

He grinned, taking my hand into his, his thumb drawing circles on the back lazily. "It's a blend of blueberries, banana, mangoes, aloe, and syrup. Supposed to give you some energy and recovery from the work out. I took out the bitter melon and substituted it with ginseng, but the fruit should mask it well."

My nose crinkled at the thought of bitter melon, more than grateful that he knew about my dislikes well enough to take the cursed fruit out. While extremely nutritious, I refused to subject myself to such taste bud torture unless it was a life or death situation. Since when did I become so pampered?

"Claire," Snow waited another minute before he began, and I found myself pouting slightly at the lecturing tone. "You really shouldn't push yourself that much. Training could turn disastrous if you're exhausted to the point that you passed out."

"It was only a second and I'm fine," I argued, and he sighed at my defensive nature. 

"I know you want to wield Omega Weapon soon, but considering you just had another surgery a couple months ago to take out the pins in your wrists, you need rest and allow your body to repair. Doctor K did say you are doing remarkably well, but you can't rush these things." 

I scowled with my lips around the straw, but otherwise kept my silence. Knowing how devastated I would be if I was decommissioned from the field indefinitely, Hope chose a more old-school method of surgery by setting the crushed bones with specialized metal pins, which would require surgical removal after the joints healed. The only downside was that it would take longer for me to recover, but the odds of returning to my soldier self were much higher. Snow shook his head at my continued defiance, something that nearly drove both Dr. Kadowaki and Hope insane, and reached over to put his hand on my cheek. I couldn't help but lean into his touch, nuzzling the warmth and closing my eyes. 

"Promise me not to overexert yourself next time?" 

I opened my eyes slightly to glare at him, "You just want me to have enough strength for nighttime activities."

He grinned, "You say that as if it's a problem."

"Hmph," I sucked on the straw harder twice, the sound of empty bottle my response to the smiling blonde. Taking the bottle away from me, he stood, pulling me to my feet and promptly slapped my ass once, an action that would have cost him his hand if there had been an observer nearby. 

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up while you decide if we should have dinner at the cafeteria or at home. There's a tub full of hot water with your name on it waiting upstairs."

* * *

Curling up on the sofa, I put my tablet on bent knees while I studied the curriculum proposal sent by Quistis Trepe, the woman working way too hard in my opinion. A former instructor of PSICOM, Quistis never received credit for her intelligence and leadership in combat training for the sole reason that she was not a man. When Sazh and I recruited her for Academy, she was wary to put her trust in the system that had once overlooked her abilities and denied her the rank she deserved, until Sazh promised that she would work under my purview while able to submit any suggestions for the Scholars program. Quistis has only surpassed our expectations thus far. Now the sneaky afro-wearing man lurked in the proverbial darkness, always looking for a chance to steal her away from me. As if that would happen. 

"Teriyaki salmon sound good?" Snow asked, and took my noncommittal sound as his answer. The man's off-tune hum was quickly drowned by the kitchen exhaust fan, and I simply couldn't resist the upward curve of my lips. Biting the tip of my stylus, my eyes drifted from the finely-crafted proposal, the thought of the shared bath earlier came into mind. Only that idiot can turn bath salt into an erotic tool. For months since his return, Snow has been relentless in making me become comfortable with him. While I didn't think I would ever fear the large blonde, since I was more than receptive the morning after, he was tenacious in making me remember his body. It was both embarrassing and exciting for the games he played that drew me to him before taking me like he should. I never knew that many ways of using chocolate. Thanks to his antics, it was difficult for me to even associate sex with anything other than the conniving blonde.

The sudden ring of the phone startled me out of lustful thoughts, and I glared at the remote control before picking it up. A downcast face of an irritated man dressed in nondescript uniform filled the screen, and before I could say a word, he asked, "Mr. Snow Villiers?"

I turned to look at Snow and debated whether or not I should let the man handle his own call, something that shouldn't have come to the apartment land line in the first place. Deciding that my perfectly prepared dinner was more important, I answered, "He's busy. I can relay the message."

Apparently stunned by the unexpected voice, the man looked up at the screen, his eyes widened in recognition once he focused. "C... Commander Farron! I... I'm sorry, I must have the wrong number!"

"You didn't," I said, the ease of the answer came too naturally for my own good. 

"Oh," the man said, before a more gossip-y, "Oh." He tried to school his expression into one of professionalism, but by the way he jittered on the screen, I winced at the thought of being the topic of whatever office he called from for the next week or so. "Well," he cleared his voice, "Please tell Mr. Villiers that his container from Cocoon is arriving tomorrow, and we will need him to come in and sign for Customs before he can take the container. He can bring his own transport, but our office also provides trucks if needed."

"He'll be there," I answered, and before the man thought of any damning questions to ask, I cut off the phone. 

"You know, we'll probably be the headline of the Pulsian News within the next forty-eight hours," the deep baritone sounded behind me, the man finding too much amusement in my inadvertent 'outing' of our relationship. Two plates of wonderfully smelling food in hand, Snow grinned once I got up and eagerly followed him to the breakfast table. Putting the food down, he pulled me into his arms such that my back was to his chest, his lips soon kneaded against my neck. 

I sighed softly in contentment. "... That's not the problem right now."

"Oh? And what is?"

"You're in between me and my dinner."

The man laughed lowly at that, and I felt a dull pain from his sucking and marking my shoulder before he turned me around. Lips meeting mine, I closed my eyes and savored the taste of home made teriyaki sauce in the kiss. He took his time before releasing me just far enough for our lips to part, "Are you sure that won't be a problem?"

I frowned, hating the fact that his kisses always made my mind work slower than usual. Chewing my lower lip while pondering his question, I came to the conclusion that while I will never hide my relationship with him, the thought of vultures following us would be too bothersome. "I'll call Selphie after dinner."

He smiled, his arms tightened before he stole another chaste kiss. "Come, try my newest recipe and tell me what you think."

* * *

[Snow]

Leaning against the service counter, I tap my foot in random rhythm while waiting for the munchkin to come back with another tablet full of necessary documents to sign. I took the time to study my lovely Commander, still amazed at the enigma who sat on the waiting bench against the wall reading her tablet, looking more like a fashion model than a soldier. Dressed in a casual off-shoulder top that went all the way to her hips, she showed off her impossibly long legs with her denim shorts hidden beneath her form-fitting shirt. I almost didn't make it out the door when she walked into the living room this morning. I highly doubt she knew what a sight she made, the woman oblivious to the numerous men and even some women drooling at her during our short trip here. And she wondered why I always wanted to ravage her regardless of time and place. 

It had been nearly six months since our first night, yet the passion and need for this gorgeous woman only increased with time. I could never have enough of her, whether simply wrapping my arms around her when she rested against me on the sofa, or having her under me gasping out my name. While I'd like to think I'm not at all clingy, I think Claire has gotten used to my desperate need to have her in my sight whenever possible. Sazh certainly enjoyed teasing me about how I hovered over our dear Commander, which I shamelessly took pride in. But what really made this love deeper was how comfortable we were with each other, that we were both equals in the relationship, a delicate but solid equilibrium that we found through exploration and experiments. Neither of us tried to control or change the other, and we treasure each day as if it was our last. It was a mature type of relationship, where we knew not to take each other for granted. Life was simply too short and brittle, and the war taught us that harshly. The fact was, we both wanted this to last, and we had a tacit agreement that we would not give up trying.

Watching as she sat and waited through the boring process of getting the container through Customs with such grace, my eyes inevitably traveled to soft but calloused fingers gliding on the keyboard attached to the tablet. A surely goofy grin tugged at my lips, as I remembered the first time we walked down the hall of the Academy together. After noticing how she had slowed her pace to match my leisurely one on a weekend, I gave into my desire and took her hand into mine shamelessly. Azure eyes looked up in surprise, and after a testing slight tug, she gave into my persistence, though her ears pinked as she looked away from me. She was so adorable that I had to pull her into an empty classroom, and I---

"Ahem," a loud cough jolted me out of my reverie, and nearly made me jump. I turned sheepishly to face an irate man, who thrust an official tablet in my face. "If you can sign it today, Mr. Villiers?"

"Oh, y-yes." I grabbed the stylus and tried to focus on the words on the screen, all the while seeing my beloved take a quick, amused glance at me before looking back down at whatever document she's working on. A ghost of a smile on her lips, she unconsciously bit her lower lip in trying to suppress the awe-inspiring look. I swear I saw a little tip of her tongue that's making my breath hitch, and---

"Mr. Villiers?"

"Ah, yes, signature, right." Forcing myself to turn my back to Claire, I read over the document and began painstakingly scribbling my signature on the pages. The man was none-too-polite when he pointed out several blanks that I missed because of my distracted state, and I swore that I did not hear Claire chuckling at my idiocy.

With the last line signed, the man was more than happy to snag the tablet from my hands, waving me off so he could get back to his nap or his liquor, whichever he preferred. "Dock 6."

I turned, in time to see Claire put the tablet away into the brown leather messenger bag. She looked years younger without the constant worry of others on her mind, something I was proud to say was my accomplishment. Able to relax, my beloved finally looked her age when she peered up at me with eyes that spoke more than her words. Taking her hand in mine, I squeezed the nimble digits in silent declaration of love as I led her towards the dock. The minute the dingy double door swung closed, I gave into temptation and pull her close to savor a chaste kiss to tide my desire over. 

Seeing my container up ahead, I waved at the man who led the small moving crew to signal the okay. While the man barked orders at his men, Claire pulled away from me to take a seat on my hoverbike, work unfinished and all. Seeing how I ruined her Friday evening with an overextended dinner when she had planned to work, I could only blame myself for her desertion. I approached the man I knew from a lifetime ago with a wide smile. Shaking his hand, I pulled the burly man into a half hug, "It's been too long, Barret."

"Good to see ya too, kid," the dark-skinned brute grinned while shoving me with his shoulder in jest, though it felt like a bruise was forming. "Ringin' outta nowhere after years? I'm hurt, ya brat."

I smirked, "Sorry, I didn't move to Pulse until a couple years ago, and settled only recently. Wasn't even sure you were alive, so imagine my surprise when I heard about a bar named 7th Heaven in Academia. You seemed to do well."

He laughed, "Eh, a couple of trucks and some good men, I can't complain, ya know? Though," he grinned lecherously as he looked behind me, "Seems ya did better, ya lady killer. Is that...?"

"Yeah," I couldn't help but pump my chest out in pride when I followed his glance. "That's my beloved right there."

"Fuck," Barret scoffed, punching me on the bruised shoulder, "That's Commander Farron, ain't it?"

"That she is."

"Holy---" the muscled man looked ready to run over and tackle Claire, but after my slid out foot stopped him, he sneered at me before a broad smile almost tore open his ugly scarred face. "Kid, bring her to the bar next week. I wanna buy her a drink for saving Marlene."

I lifted an eyebrow in curiosity, and he shrugged, beginning his tale in a hushed voice. "It was right after the Fall, ya know, and Marlene got lost in those damn flower fields around New Bodhum. So I gone look for her and found her cryin' in da Commander's bleeding arms, and a giant son-of-a-gun adamantoise was dead! She never gave me a chance to thank her and I ain't likin' that, ya know?"

Recalling the incident all too well, I smiled fondly at my lover, who was absorbed in her studies. Fine brows knit in concentration, Claire had an adorable pout that I dared not mention to her for fear of never seeing it again while she pondered the information. "Yeah, I'll bring her," I said distractedly. "Just text me the address."

The move was an easy one, since all of the items came boxed. With three men on the job, the contents of the container were transported to the storage locker that I leased a week prior. The boxes were arranged on the shelves that I had set up when I wasn't teaching and Light was too busy for me to harass her. The stoic woman disappeared with my hoverbike sometime during the move, and reappeared with warm lunches and cold drinks for all, much to the movers' appreciation. When introduced, Claire didn't recognize Barret, and only nodded politely when the man gushed his gratefulness to the Commander. I swore if I wasn't there he would have hugged Claire to death for saving his precious daughter.

When the movers eventually left, I tossed a set of work gloves and a box cutter to the clueless yet tolerating beauty. "Come on, let's open some boxes."

"What are these?"

I grinned while pulling down a box and set it onto a work table in the middle of the large locker. "When Serah and I first moved to Cocoon, she wanted to remodel the house. I convinced her to put all the stuff she didn't want into boxes and stored it away." It seemed almost unreal how calm I could be when talking about my ex-wife, and how Claire's eyes finally stopped dimming in guilt whenever her little sister came up in our conversation. The Commander had worked hard in overcoming the desertion of Serah, and she had eventually learned to move on in life and take what she deserves, while still caring for her little sister. I suspected that the monthly report she receives about Serah's well-being also helped ease her mind. Last we heard, Serah had began dating Marqui, who moved in with her recently. Good for him to claim his childhood idol as his own. I only wish the boy good luck - he's gonna need it.

Claire's eyes widened in curiosity, and a gleam of what I suspected to be giddiness shined in them when she studied the shelves full of boxes. Looking at the writing on each box carefully, she tried to decode my script on most of the boxes, though some were unlabeled. I smiled when she walked around, her hand trailing and touching the rows of cardboard as one would artwork, and went outside to drag in a large trash can. Having selected a box, Claire put it next to the one already on the table, and cut it open with more enthusiasm than I thought possible. I grinned at her disappointed pout when the box turned out to be past bills and receipts before I opened my own box. 

We began sorting through different boxes, stopping occasionally to laugh at the contents. Most notable was when I teased her mercilessly after uncovering a box of her underwear, which earned me a nice bruise to my ribs after she punched me hard to grab the box and toss it in the trash can. The blush on her face was too adorable and totally made up for the pain I willingly suffered.

Halfway through the boxes, I heard a soft gasp from the typically quiet Goddess. Looking up, I saw the impossible sight of vulnerable childish wonder on her face when she picked up a stuffed animal and ran a finger along an oval ear lovingly. A brown, hand-sewn toy, it vaguely resembled a bunny with brown and white oval ears, two round brown eyes, and an inverted triangle brown nose. As Claire studied the doll, I took off my gloves and wrapped my arms around the lithe torso. The rabbit had an off-white belly, and short arms and legs. It was a fluff of cuteness, despite a couple of holes with its stuffing sticking out. The fact that Claire couldn't stop rubbing its cheek with a finger forced me to nibble her ear, as if I ever needed an excuse for tasting my love. She leaned against me with a sigh, her eyes glued to the doll in her hand. 

"My grandmother made this for me," she whispered. "I was five and Serah was two... She was going to make one for Serah too, but her health failed her before she could finish."

I stayed quiet, swaying slightly to coax the stubborn Commander to join me in a slow dance. We stayed silent for a while, but I knew better than to interrupt her while she gathered her thoughts. Eventually, she continued, "Serah didn't know our grandmother... So she wanted her when she got older, and I gave in. But I missed her."

It took me a while to realize the 'her' Claire was referring to was the doll. I couldn't tell by looking at it, but if she said it's a girl, I would go for it. When it seemed that the woman was done with talking, I prodded, "So what's her name?"

Claire stiffened slightly, her ears took on a captivating hue of pink. "...You'll laugh at me."

"You know I won't," I licked at the blush. "Tell me."

Claire shivered, and after some pause, she finally relented, "... Lil' Bun."

I buried my face in pink mane, kissing her head to hide my growing smile at such a cute little name spoken by her seductive voice. I got an elbow to my stomach, but I tightened my hold on the slender waist and chewed on the junction of neck and shoulder until a lovely mark formed. She whimpered softly in annoyance, the woman never forgave me for marring her neck with a mess of bite marks and forgetting to tell her about them. She was completely embarrassed when Hope and Sazh saw them, and more so when I slapped away the healing hands of the Director. 

Satisfied with the new mark, I gave a final kiss to Claire's temple as I pulled away. Grabbing the box we used for "take home" items, I smiled at the pouting Commander. "Come on, let's take Lil' Bun home."

* * *

[Lightning]

Closing my eyes, I took off the computer glasses and put them on the desk, massaging the bridge of my nose in exhaustion. Having just sent off another terabyte-worth of reports to Hope and Sazh, I felt like I just went five rounds with a ceratoraptor. Even though I knew this was a job that needed to be done, I questioned daily whether I was best suited for the work. Sitting around staring at a screen all-day made my body ache for action, the soldier in me was restless during paperwork. At least I had returned to teaching classes and administering field tests which kept me away from the desk enough to keep my sanity. 

My office door opened abruptly, but I didn't bother to react, knowing only one person who dared to enter without the common decency of knocking. Looking up lazily, my eyes widened at the sight of Snow coddling Lil' Bun in his massive arm as one would a child, and I felt the corner of my lips curl upwards when the man rounded my desk. Turning my chair to face him, Snow straddled me, pressing Lil' Bun's nose to my cheek in a kiss before dropping her onto my lap. I played with her chubby arms and stretched to meet Snow for a kiss. Studying the chiseled chin and intense cerulean eyes, I knew there had to be a reason for the idiotic blonde to shamelessly walk through the campus hallway holding a stuffed bunny.

"You're done, right?" Snow asked, his voice hoarse with desire. 

Licking my lips at the faint chocolate flavor, I shrugged. "...I was planning to read the post-op reports this afternoon."

"Well, you don't have class or meetings, so I count that as done for the day."

"Snow..."

Silencing me with his finger, he grinned, "Let's go on a date. I found this craft shop that might know how to repair Lil' Bun. We'll grab a quick lunch, then go to the shop, and go to Barret's for dinner. He mentioned his friend is a great cook." 

Torn, I cast a glance at my computer, debating whether I should give in to his spontaneous date, a dereliction of duty. He blocked my sight immediately, his finger putting pressure to my lips until I gave in and sucked the digit teasingly. Groaning, Snow pulled me up and began to herd me out, with Selphie waving good-bye on our way. I really should be disturbed that my lover already has my secretary in his pocket.

After lunch at a small cafe, I trailed behind Snow and entered a modest store hidden in between large buildings. A quiet institution with soft music playing in the background, the brightly-lit place had rows of material for crafts stored in interesting displays. Snow walked up to the store owner who was, of all things, a talking moogle floating behind the counter that greeted us with a hearty "Kupo!"

Soon the blonde was laying on the charm sweet talking to the female moogle called Gurdy, the magical creature giggling and occassionally back-flipping when being tickled or pet. Watching Snow like that, I couldn't help but smile at the way his eyes brightened in amusement, his full lips curved in a gentle smirk, and his deep voice cooed while talking to the moogle. Maybe I should be jealous of the girl he was charming, but it was hard to hold any negative thoughts when Gurdy's little wings fluttered happily as she flew over to kiss Snow on the cheek. I was somewhat surprised, however, when Gurdy flew over and kissed me on the cheek after hearing the story of Lil' Bun.

"Gurdy said she could make Lil' Bun all better and good as new," Snow said happily when I followed the moogle to the counter, his arm wrapped around my waist possessively. "But there's a little issue..."

"We don't have enough material, kupo!" Gurdy explained, and the sight of a small moogle holding my bunny that is almost the same size as her easily made my smile wider. "The fabric is a blend of chocobo feathers and coeurl fur, and you can only find coeurls in Cocoon. They're not hunted often 'cause fiend hunters only look for high-priced leather, you know? And not a lot of fabric makers are making these old styles of fabric anymore..."

"But if we bring you the material you need, can you make the fabric, Gurdy?" Snow asked while scratching the moogle behind her long ears, earning him a purr. 

"Of course, kupo!" 

Snow nodded, and with a promise that we'll go fiend hunting next time we visit Cocoon, I wandered off deeper into the store while the man wanted to "preserve his masculinity" by waiting next to the counter and continuing to charm the smitten moogle. I chuckled at his idiocy, but silently agreed that it would make the browsing trip much easier without him whining or pouting next to me. It had been years since I stepped foot into a craft store, having a vague memory of my mother holding my hand while I picked the color of the lace to go on our dresses. The kind-hearted woman may not have had a lot of money raising two girls by herself, but she tried to make something special for Serah and me all the time by decorating clothes purchased from second-hand stores with her unique designs. 

Fingering the fabric samples, a thought abruptly entered my mind of the bloodstained trenchcoat that Snow had burned shortly after returning from Mah'habara. The man had yet to purchase another one, the heated weather never warranted the heavy covering, but I can tell he missed his signature outfit. Picking out the colors, I soon had a good inventory of what I needed before I approached Gurdy again. Snow was nowhere to be seen, the adorable ball of fur informed me that the man went to get some ice cream for all while she rung me up. 

Soon I was walking down to Sector Seven while enjoying a soft serve cone that was simply irresistable. Snow didn't help when he declared that manners were meant for children and that adults earned the right to do whatever they wish to as long as it didn't bother anyone else. Where he came up with these ridiculous claims I had no idea. But it did feel good with the setting sun warming my skin while licking the chilling sweetness. 

Stopping just before the bar, Snow turned and waited while I finished the treat. He chuckled, much to my confusion, and leaned down to lick some ice cream off my nose. I blushed furiously while he opened the door and guided me into the quiet restaurant. Small and nondescript, the Seventh Heaven had a nicely kept bar on one side, while tables and chairs aligned the other wall. Snow guided me directly to the bar, where the man, Barret, greeted us with a holler. 

After declining the offer of alcohol, I settled into a comfortable position, listening to the stories they exchanged as the two men caught up on life after the Fall. Snow explained his time with Barret at a summer job in Palumpolum was what gave him and the N.O.R.A. gang the idea of opening their own bar in Bodhum to fund their conquest, and jested about besting his teacher in both business and bartending. The burly man growled before explaining that his group, AVALANCHE, had been dormant since the Fall. They felt that Neo Sanctum was doing a decent job so far, and they were more than happy to be law-abiding citizens. 

"But the minute Neo Sanctum starts to be like the old Sanctum, we definitely won't be quiet," Barret said with a grin, though the undercurrent of seriousness was clear.

"We'll try to keep them in check." I smiled, feeling honored to have the trust of this man who divulged such a secret to someone he barely knew. It was ironic how the old me would frown at the thought of a government resistance under my watch, the present me actually felt relieved about their existence and that residents of this new planet weren't passively letting a select few dictate their way of life. 

The dinner continued with Snow and Barret swapping stories of the war leading to the Fall, the old man having an active role in protecting the people in Palumpolum from Pulse fiends. I sat next to an animated Snow, sipping my tea while listening to the men talk. It had been a secret indulgence of mine, having no pressure to speak or participate in their activities while accompanying Snow to spend time with his friends. I could simply enjoy being in the background studying Snow's features - his expressive face when he paid attention to the discussion at hand, his hypnotic eyes sparkling while he laughed, and the sound of his deep voice reverberating around me in a soothing manner. What I savored the most was his subtle, unconscious gestures which reminded me of his love - how he never broke away from his conversation yet found the right moment to feed me newly discovered morsels, which I loved, the arm around my waist squeezed in silent caress of adoration, and his immediate attention if I showed any sign of exhaustion. Hope and Selphie never understood how I could spend hours with Snow and his friends while seemingly lost in my own little world and not get irritated, and I never bothered sharing my little secret.

With alcohol involved, the conversation inevitably turned lewd and rambunctious. Several times I blushed when either man discussed the latest fantasized women on television, but thankfully the two knew to draw the line at discussing each other's romances. I only had to glare at Snow once to have them sober up enough to change the topic when it became too much. Barret shared numerous anecdotes of Snow's idiocy in his youth, and my lover tried his best to return the favor. Typical men. Only once did the conversation stop when a patron came in whom I recognized from the Academy. Cloud Strife seemed as surprised as I, but he merely nodded his greeting and I returned it before he settled in a dark corner. Barret explained that the spikey-haired blonde was an old friend, and the fact that his business partner, Tifa, hovered over the man seemed to solidify that. 

It was close to midnight while Snow leaned heavily against me that I realized the slurring words had tapered off. The dark-skinned brute had his head on the counter, somehow achieving the impossible feat of sleeping while standing. Shaking my head, I tried to pay for our tab, only to have Tifa decline with a warm smile. "A small thanks for saving our angel, Marlene," she explained. After getting reassurance that such a gesture would not happen again, I began the trek of going back home with the large blonde draped over me. The idiot should be thankful I had my strength back, or he'd be sleeping in a dingy corner of Seventh Heaven until daybreak.

Halfway through the silent city of Academia, Snow seemed to wake only enough to become a nuisance. He hummed some random song in that off-key tone of his, which was cute until he started singing. Loudly. I winced when someone shouted from their apartment for him to shut the fuck up, and hurried along to drag him towards the Academy. The idiot seemed unfazed by his critic, continuing his performance and forcing me to stop and wait at the courtyard in front of campus until he finishes. Watching the imbecile with arms across my chest, I seriously debated the pros and cons of knocking him unconscious and carrying his ass back to our room. It would be great for strength training, wouldn't it?

As abruptly as it started, the performance ended with the blonde throwing his arms around me, pulling my body to his in a tight embrace. After struggling slightly to free at least my trapped arms, I glared upwards toward the sky veiled by his wild mane. At least it would be Saturday tomorrow.

"...I'm sorry, Claire," he whispered.

Turning my head as best I could beneath my human restraint, I asked in bewilderment, "For what?"

"I never told you. I'm sorry." 

Not having a clue what he was talking about, I decided it must not be too important. If it was something that truly bothered him, I would have noticed by Snow's demeanor already. He was never one to hold any secrets in. "It's all right," I said, patting his head like one would a puppy. "You can tell me when you're ready."

"No... No!" Having pushed me away far as his arm could extend, the drunk man glared at me with his inebriated eyes. "It's not okay! I haven't told you I love you because I'm a coward!"

My eyes widened when the words sunk in, my body stiffened in disbelief. In truth, I never thought about how mere words could have such an impact on me. I knew of his love through his actions, and that was more than I could ever dream of already. Never had I questioned why he never vocally expressed his love for me, and I didn't think it was important. But hearing the words now made me realize the ache in my heart. It should be a sin to feel so complete with those three simple words. 

"Snow..." I struggled, "I... You don't..."

"No," he growled, his fingers tightening around my arms. "I have to say it... I wanted to. I just didn't want... you to think... to dis..dis..." words caught on his tongue, he shook his head, trying to clear his head enough to complete his sentence. "After Serah... it was so fast... I didn't think you'd... I was afraid you wouldn't take me seriously. That I wasn't good enough."

Strangely, it was because of his marriage with Serah that I knew he was taking our relationship seriously. When will it get through his thick head that he is more than 'good enough' for me? Not feeling like defending myself, I merely glared at Snow with the clear meaning that I would never dismiss him for anything he says. It took him a moment to understand my silent declaration. He smiled widely before pitching forward, his sudden outburst had proved too much for him. Supporting the blonde with my body, I sighed softly with my fingers buried deep into his hair, massaging his scalp. He moaned, nuzzling my neck while leaning heavily against me, a soft snore soon followed. Dragging the too-tall man towards the entrance, I whispered to his ear a quiet promise, "I'll forgive you only if you say it again when you're sober."

Somehow, I think I felt him smile.

* * *

[Snow]

Dumping another bowl of bloody water at least a mile away from my tent, I glared at any curious fiends who even looked at me funny. After the sixth trip, I was more than ready to pummel some fiends just for the fun of it. _'It's easy, kupo!'_ the vermin had said. _'Just make sure you wash out the blood right after the kill so the fur doesn't stain, kupo!'_ What Gurdy failed to mention was that it was extremely difficult to clean a coeurl fur completely of blood, and after scrubbing the skin for the past three hours, I felt like whining about how my hands are raw and in need of lotion like a school girl. Ah, what we do in the name of love.

Holding up the white skin of the elusive cat, I examined my work of the third animal I cleaned, knowing that Gurdy would need at least four to be certain she could make enough fabric from the fur. The adorable moogle explained, at length, why she needed a certain amount of material, but my mind shut down after the third sentence out of her mouth. I did an admirable job of nodding and smiling to the chirpy moogle, however. Never let a girl know you weren't listening, if you know what's good for your health. Finding no more blood on the white fluffiness, I hung the skin on a wire at the other side of the tent, letting it dry over night. I should be able to find another white coeurl tomorrow before noon; one more night of wilderness, then I would be on my way home. 

Wiping my hand dry, I took a sip of the whiskey I brought with me. The night was quiet and serene, the snapping of kindling from the fire I started accompanied the random chirps of night creatures only sounds I hear. A sudden chirp of my tablet interrupted the silence, and I chuckled at the grumpy message from Zell about covering me for the week. The shorter soldier never let me forget what I owed him or vice versa, and I guess subjecting him to several classes of hyperactive primary cadets could be considered cruel and unusual punishment. There was a reason why I never got to teach the upperclassmen. 

After finishing my daily limit of liquor, I couldn't help but check my messages for what possibly was the thirtieth time of the night. Still no message from my beloved Goddess. Unsuccessfully resisting the urge to pout, I scowled at my phone as if it's at fault. I shouldn't really be surprised - Claire did say she might not remember to call before she left for the week-long conference at New Eden. The oblivious Commander had no idea what she was entitled to in a relationship, such as checking on her boyfriend when she was out of town. The last time she went off for a three-day conference, I received one call on the third day to ask me if I wanted to have dinner in town since she was ten minutes away from home. When I whined about how I missed her and she should've called so I wouldn't worry, she simply looked at me in confusion and reminded me that she was away at a meeting, not a mission. I really had the urge to bang my head on a wall then.

So engrossed in my self-loathing, I nearly dropped the phone in my hand when it rang, the special ring tone surprised me while I fumbled to answer. The gorgeous face filled the screen immediately, her hair down and wet, framing her delicate face as Claire tried adjusting her phone on the bed. "Well, hello there, beautiful," I said with a grin. "My girlfriend's out of town this week. Care for some phone sex with me while she's gone?"

Claire glared at me half-heartedly before settling in a position where she could relax and talk to me on the phone... or simply just be her quiet self while she studied me through the vid screen. Lying down on my sleeping bag, I took in her features longingly. Her bangs fell into her eyes, her lips curled slightly only when she looked at me, her gaze soft and relaxed. Absolutely radiant. Knowing that she could hold her thoughts in for as long the phone call was, I asked, "So, how was the conference?"

Claire shrugged, and I chuckled. "That boring, was it? What do you guys do there, anyway?"

She sighed, pulling a pillow close to rest her chin, "Politicians love hearing themselves talk. Press love seeing people together."

"And in all that ruckus, Hope Estheim worked magic with his two partners-in-crime to get money and power for the Academy," I grinned, and by her roll of eyes, knew I hit the truth in one. Why else would Hope have wanted both Sazh and Claire there if not to use their presence as leverage to get what would most benefit the Academy? That boy was too smart and dangerous for his own good; thankfully he felt taking over the world was too bothersome.

As she shifted her perch on the bed, I knew something was bothering her. Despite being more open to sharing her feelings and thoughts, Claire still hadn't learnt how to properly complain about mundane issues to her boyfriend. "What happened, love?"

She bit her lower lip, fidgeted slightly before she shrugged. 

"Claire..." 

Sighing, Claire looked away uncomfortably, "Senator Seymour took us out to dinner."

Somehow the name set off the warning bells in my mind. The memory of Selphie cursing at the phone and complaining about horny senators suddenly popped into mind. I narrowed my eyes, my blood began to boil while I thought about the best way to get away with murder, until I realized Claire said... "Us?"

Nodding, Claire glanced at me warily, trying to gauge just how upset I was. "I dodged him so many times before that he wouldn't take no for an answer tonight. I couldn't kill him," she said so wistfully, "but thankfully Hope and Sazh joined us."

Which meant Hope probably talked the senator into giving up his blackened soul, while Sazh would just use his idiocy as a front to put distance between my beloved and the perv. Good men. I need to remember to get those two something special this Yule. 

"Claire," despite knowing our friends kept the oblivious beauty safe from evil senators touching what's mine, I was still restless. "Promise me you won't go anywhere with him, or any other senators, alone."

The temperature in the tent dropped ten degrees with the glare she sent through the vid screen, but I held my ground until she relented with a sigh and a nod. Happy to have gotten my way, I watched as Claire settled into a comfortable position with the phone, lying down and still facing me. I found myself humming some random lullaby that my Matron used to sing, my finger tracing her face on the screen. Even though we were a planet away, it was as if we were lying in our bed, my arms her pillow while her supple body pressed against mine. Maker, I missed her so much. How did I ever survive without her in the past?

"You need vocal lessons," she whispered before closing her eyes, a small smile on her lips.

I smirked before bidding her goodnight, and watched until her breathes evened out into sleep. Such pure loveliness.

* * *

Sipping the cooled coffee, I stared out the large viewing window of the airport, the lights on the runway illuminating the late night darkness. Impatient, I counted the seconds before the Academy airship lands, agitated from a week of Claire-deprivation. And I couldn't wait to see her reaction when she finds the little surprise I have waiting for her at home. 

Home. A simple word that took on another meaning in the past months. A place to rest and relax, where there wasn't a project every weekend for me to worry, whether it was about money or just being a good handyman. There wasn't any expectation of me from my lover other than to be myself, and I was thankful for that. Claire was more than happy to let me plan our weekends, and I've gotten good at determining whether she felt up to something or not by simply looking at her. It was an addictive game of mine, and the prize upon winning was beyond pleasurable. Lately, she had been learning how to cook from me, and was giving me shooting lessons in return. We've hit the shooting range on campus the past couple of weekends, and I succeeded in making a fool of myself in front of my lover and students. The sparkle in Claire's eyes as she laughed at me in her quiet way was worth my bruised ego.

Hearing the approaching noise of an airship, I stood, and tossed the empty coffee cup in the trash. By the time I walked to the gate, the airship had landed smoothly. The cabin door opened, and I strode to the private airship just in time to pull the pink-haired beauty into my arms. She gasped and clutched my jacket, her feet not touching the ground when I kissed her hungrily. Drawing her tongue into my mouth, I trailed a hand up her back, the feel of her flesh soothing my possessiveness. Her hands tightened around my arms in a warning to not undress her in public, I released her reluctantly with a slight pout before stealing another chaste kiss. "I missed you."

She smiled shyly, her eyes downcast while I set her down, her expression told me of her reciprocating thoughts. Kissing the corner of her lips, I took her bag in hand and wrapped my arm around her waist, guiding her away from the airship. "C'mon, let's go home."

"Well, gee, thanks, Snow! You didn't have to come pick us up! You shoulnd't have!" barked the black man as he jumped off the airship, waving his hand dramatically while sneering at me. After Hope exited the airship behind Sazh, I turned and grinned smugly at the men. 

"I don't know if my car is big enough for your fat ass, old man."

"Oh, hardy har har," growled Sazh. "Tell me you brought the SUV." 

"For your convenience? Why?" I winced when Claire slapped my chest with the back of her hand, a signal to stop playing with the easily-flustered man. "Yeah, yeah. Of course I did. I'm hurt you'd think otherwise."

"That you're an obsessive idiot?" Hope scoffed while walking past us to the SUV parked not too far away. "Constantly."

"Whatever happened to respecting your elders?!" I cried, falling into step behind Hope with Claire leaning against me, the quiet woman enjoying our banter and tolerating my desire to be close to her. 

"That requires someone who's older both physically and mentally," the cheeky boy replied, his bland expression contradicting the enjoyment shown through his eyes. 

On the way back to the Academy, I got an earful about the conference from my two friends, Claire only chiming in once to remind all present that we still had to work with politicians and press no matter how annoying they were. To change the conversation, I gave the old man updates on his son. Dajh had just started formal courses at the Academy and moved into the dorm, much to the over-protective father's dismay. Had Hope not put a restraining order on the man, he probably would've moved into the cadet's dorm with the boy. I could only imagine how traumatizing it'd be for Dajh if that happened.

Finally returned to the sanctuary of our home, I slapped the tight ass of my Commander playfully. "Why don't you go take a shower while I heat up some dinner for you? I'll put your clothes into the washer." 

Claire turned to glare at me half-heartedly, with exhaustion from the long-hour flight and her distaste of airship food clear in her expression. She looked over at the luggage in my hand hesitantly, before moving towards the bedroom with the instruction to leave the luggage for later. Once she disappeared into our bedroom and the bathroom door closed, I smiled and began my task of heating up some hearty soup for her late night snack. 

Once the sound of water was turned off, I lowered the flame on the stove before approaching our bedroom where my surprise for Claire waited. Dressed in a shirt of mine, Claire exited the bathroom with a towel, drying her hair absent-mindedly. It took all of my power to not pounce on her, the woman too relaxed to notice me hidden just beyond the threshold. Lowering the towel, Claire looked ready to fall asleep on the bed, before something caught her eyes as she stilled. 

Sitting between pillows, the newly repaired Lil' Bun had a cleaner look, while never losing her well-loved presence. Holes patched, the bunny now wore a tiny, simple dress sewn by Gurdy. I felt my smile broaden when Claire couldn't tear her widened eyes away from the small, open box that the doll was holding, one with a ring nestled in cushions. The ring was exactly what I had pictured - a while gold band with two silver-diamond covered loops cradling the setting simulating a symbol of eternity, a rose diamond sat in the middle, a precious gem newly discovered in Gran Pulse. Simple in design, the ring told the promises I never could find the right words to say to her, that I would cherish and protect her for eternity. When I was browsing through catalogues of design at the jewelry shop, I simply couldn't get the idea of Claire accepting me for who I am out of my mind, and the decision came quickly with what our rings would be. It may be cliche, but that's how I felt about her. When trembling hands finally picked up the box, I sidled up behind my lover and wrapped my arm around the lithe waist, kissing the skin behind her ear tenderly. Her breath hitched, Claire kept her silence in expectation, waiting for me to explain myself.

I reached up to wrap my hand around hers, feeling the slight, almost undetectable tremor from her. Keeping my voice soft, I tightened the arm around her waist in reassurance. "Claire... I know we haven't been together for very long, but..." Why were the words that I had rehearsed the whole week so hard to get out now? Gritting my teeth, I said whatever came to my blank mind. "I can't imagine a life without you, Claire. I know I sound corny, but you know I'm not the smartest man in the world. I just... I just want to wake up every day, and go to bed every night with you." Picking up the ring from the box, I held it in front of her, my throat parched in nervousness. Why couldn't I have done this with more class and style? I swallowed hard, trying my best to finish my question. "Claire Farron... Would you… Would you marry me?"

Time seemed to have stopped. There wasn't a sound in the world except for my heavy breathing, and I couldn't believe how stupid I had sounded. That wasn't what I had written down and wanted to say. Sure, it was the truth, and it was what I had in mind, but it didn't go well like I had planned. I wanted this to be smooth, and flawless, but I sounded like a douche bag. Hell, Claire must be laughing her ass off inside right now. How could I recover from this? Or, rather, how do I grovel so she could see past my idiocy? 

I kept kicking myself in my head, the sound of my heart pounding so thunderous that I almost missed the very subtle movement from the very still woman. Her finger slowly extended until the tip touched the ring, and suddenly I could breathe again. I slid the ring onto her left ring finger, admiring how right it felt to have the symbol of our relationship resting on her elegant digit. I felt like bursting at the seams with happiness, the feeling incomparable. Had I not been holding her in my arms, I probably would be singing and dancing ridiculously on the roof of the Academy to announce to the world how elated I was. 

My reverie was interrupted abruptly by a single droplet on our joined hands. Chest constricted, I turned my beloved around, and gazed upon the unbelievable sight of my beautiful Goddess' tears. Thumbing away another escaped tear, I looked into bright sapphire filled with emotions of love, happiness, and disbelief. It was amazing to see how my feelings were echoed in her. Bending down, I kissed the moist eyes, trailing my lips until I found hers, sealing the soft whimper into a slow kiss. I felt her hand raked into my hair, the feel of the ring clear and right beyond words. Parting only when breathing became difficult, I rested my forehead on hers as I gazed into half-lidded eyes. There was so much I wanted to say, yet nothing sounded right. I held the woman that I unbelievably fell in love with tight in my arms, the way her body contoured fitted me so perfectly. It took me so long, with too many detours, mistakes, and lost time along the way, but finally I found her by my side. Maker above, I am one lucky son of a bitch.

"I promise I will always be with you, love you, and support you," I repeated my question in a whisper, "So please, Claire... Would you marry me?"

It seemed an eternity had passed before she responded, her voice quiet yet firm. She was giving me her promise as well, and I knew that once she spoke the words, she would held onto them, and nothing could make her change her mind. It was that strong will that guided us through the war, and now would guide us through our lives. Together.

"...Yes."

**_\- To Be Continued_ **

* * *

Author's Note: Wow, I can't believe that it's been almost six months since I updated. The idea of a deadline completely went out the window when life and work got the better of you. Thank you to those who reviewed and asked "What happened?" My work got super hectic in September, then I spent the entire month of November preparing an application for grad school. Needless to say, this story wasn't on my top priority list. Even though I finished writing the chapter already, I just never had time to edit. Kudos to my beta Espaa who kept asking me to post this chapter, because neither she nor I wanted what happened to my Weiss Kreuz fic to happen to this story.

Please continue to review!! After such a long delay, I do hope those of you I have the pleasure of meeting in this journey to continue reading! Heavens know I need your support since I'm rather stuck on Chapter 7... T_T So thank you in advance for more reviews! Also, major love to those who have been checking my website - I will try to keep it updated! ^___^And lastly, a belated Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and an early Happy New Year to all! Consider this chapter my New Year's gift for you all. ^_~


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